Music of Us
by MrsBigTuna
Summary: The tale of two lovers... Craig and Ellie. And a little help from an assortment of rock bands. Who else could tell their tale? CraigxEllie AU---Songfic NOW COMPLETE!
1. Take Me Out

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Any copyright infringements are unintentional.**_

_Summary: The tale of two lovers... Craig and Ellie. And a little help from an assortment of rock bands. Who else could tell their tale? CraigxEllie AU--Songfic_

_A/N: Okay... I have been thinking about this for a few days and decided to just go for it. I'll have about two full-length stories about these two going on simultaneously. I really should be writing for the Office, but since coming to New York with every corner music playing... it's hard to find motivation for dull fluorescent lights. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this. I'm pretty excited about this because I love music. I attempted the same thing for the Office, but I don't think it worked as well as this will turn out. Also, the alternative to 'Weird Fishes' will be a part of this story, so look out for that. Without further adieu, please read, review, and enjoy!_

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"**Take Me Out"; Franz Ferdinand **

Craig strummed on his guitar, feeling the horsehair play between his fingers, leaving its trace across the many visited digits. He smirked, knowing that in his hands lied the truth, the difference between harmony and motion, the line between right and wrong. His guitar was his home, his friend, his confident, only with it in his hands did he feel like himself or a close resemblance to what he thought he could be.

He was looked around the small bar, seeing some familiar faces amongst the crowd, a few roadies from previous shows, a few people he saw the week before, seeing everyone talking and casually waiting for his arrival on stage. He sighed, knowing that he wasn't the big rock star he dreamed he'd be at this point in his life, but here he was, holding his own set. In his eyes, it wasn't bad at all.

He felt someone tap his shoulder, smiling when he recognized the stage hand, "Hey. What's up, Bill?"

Bill nodded, "Hey. You're up in five."

"Thanks. See ya out there."

"Yeah, man. See ya." Bill smiled and headed over to the other end to do a quick sound check. As he watched them working the soundboard, something caught his eye from the other end of the room. He turned, taking a small glance at the girl across the way. She was laughing with small dimple in her smile, sitting closely to another guy at the small table. The two seemed completely enraptured in their own conversation, seemingly close. Craig smirked, wanting to know what they were talking about, intrigued by the girl with the fiery red hair and her companion, curious of her smile and her contagious laugh. Before he could inquire any further, someone came to the stage. "And now, here for your listening pleasure, a star on the rise... Craig Manning!"

The lights seemed to dim and the crowd cheered healthy, seemingly eager to hear him, but Craig couldn't help but look at the girl was the infectious coy expression. She seemed to be smirking more than smiling, but it was as if she was holding a secret, knowing something that everyone else was still trying to figure out. He smirked, knowing that in every concert, he would pick one person in the crowd to sing to, and he had found the lucky secret contestant.

As he played his set, he continuously looked at her the entire night, not paying attention to anyone. He was aware that he would receive a hearty applause after every song, even a few of the attendants sang along on a few of his crowd favorites. He smiled at the spotlight, trying not to look at her and watch his audience, but he had this innate feeling to watch her reaction, to know if she was watching like he was watching her.

After the set, a few people came up to him, shaking his hand, giving him a pat on the back, smiles all around. Craig nodded appropriately, giving them the smiles and hand shakes in return, occasionally looking over at the alluring woman across the room. Without another thought, he crossed toward her. He felt her friend turn his way, a faint smile laying on his lips. He nudged the redhead, eventually turning as well. Craig felt his throat constrict slightly, only being able to give them a friendly smile.

Her friend chuckled, "Craig Manning... nice to meet you." He extended his hand, grasping Craig's hand as they met.

Craig nodded, "You too." He found his voice, taking a seat next to the redhead at the bar. "A Molson."

The bartender nodded, "Sure, buddy." Within several seconds, a bottle slid down the bar.

Craig nodded as he drank down the bottle, trying to let the eventually buzz help his tension. He turned to his left, noticing that the redhead was looking his way. He extended his hand, "Craig Manning."

She smirked, "I know." She took his hand, "That was great set."

Her friend scoffed, "I'd say. You were talking about it all night."

Craig chuckled as he watched her neck blush. He cleared his throat, "Well... thanks."

Her friend came over to the other side, "I'm Marco and that over there is Ellie."

Craig turned to his left, letting a smile spread across his face, "Ellie."

Ellie nodded, "Yup." She chuckled, "So... I really liked the second song." She blushed, "The chorus was amazing."

Craig smirked, "Thanks." He felt Marco watching the two of them exchange, wishing that he'd stop.

Before he had the chance to vocalize his request, Marco took Ellie's hand, "Let's dance."

Ellie shook her head, "No..."

"Oh, c'mon, El." He started to shake his hips, pulling her off her stool.

Ellie smirked, "You know... there's a cute guy across the way. You should ask him to dance."

Marco turned a deep shade of crimson, "Shut up." He took a seat next to Ellie again, but nudged her, "You think he'd dance with me?"

Ellie laughed, "Go find out." She pushed him off the stool and watched as he walked to the other side of the bar. She nodded approvingly and turned back to Craig. "He's gorgeous, but he's so damn shy." She rolled her eyes, "I swear, he wouldn't have any dates if it weren't for me."

Craig looked over at Marco, who was talking to the guy across the way, "He seems to be doing pretty well."

Ellie nodded, "Yeah." She smirked as a song played on the speakers. "I love this song."

Craig nodded, listening to the lyrics, "Yeah, me too." He watched her play with her hair, secretly indulging in her insecure tendencies. "So... are you a musician too?"

Ellie snorted, "Hardly. I used to play the drums for fun, but nothing serious." She nodded, "I'm more of a listener than a player... if that makes any sense."

Craig chuckled, "Totally." He finished off his beer, feeling the slight buzz finally take shape. He looked at her, having this longing feeling to stay with her here. He watched her fidget on her stool, panicking slightly that she would leave. "So... what music to you listen to normally?"

Ellie shrugged, "I'm in this stage where all I want to listen to is Tom Waits and Broken Social Scene." She chuckled, "I know... completely different but that's where I'm at right now."

Craig smirked, "Interesting. I get Broken Social Scene... but Tom Waits?"

"I don't know... I just think I relate to his music at this stage of my life."

"So... you're a depressed outcast who admires Bob Dylan?"

Ellie nodded, "Yup... sounds about right." She chuckled, "But I like your music."

Craig felt himself blush slightly, trying his best to hide it, "Thanks."

Ellie turned closer to him, "I don't know... it's just when I saw you up there, you seemed so... bare... like you were shed of everything and let the world just see you."

Craig felt his throat constrict again, "Uh..."

"Sorry!" Ellie face flushed instantly, "I... um... I didn't mean to get so... intense... I was... um... I was just saying what I saw."

Craig shook his head, "No, it's not that. It's just... it's just that was the first time anyone was ever spot-on to anything I felt before." He smirked, "You got it exactly right."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Don't tell Marco. He's always going on about how I tend to... I don't know... read people to well for my own good."

Craig felt the wave of panic again, not wanting to leave her. She was the coolest girl he ever met at any of these sets. She got music, not like the all his friends who played for the fame or for the release it caused to their soul, she got the art of it, what to him what it was really all about. "Hey... um... are you free tomorrow night?"

_So if you're lonely _

_You know I'm here waiting for you_

_I'm just a crosshair_

_I'm just a shot away from you._

Ellie turned with a smile, "Why?"

Craig was caught off guard, used to most woman usually throwing themselves at him, but not her. She didn't seem as eager as the women he was accustomed to, including the two that tried to pick him up before the set. The thing was, he wanted her.

_And if you leave here, _

_You leave me broken, shattered I lie_

_I'm just a cross hair_

_I'm just a shot than we can die._

Ellie gave Craig a thoughtful look, "Hmm... I don't think I busy tomorrow."

_I know I won't be leavin' here_

_With you..._

She folded her arms, "Are you asking me out?"

Craig shrugged, "Maybe."

Ellie chuckled, "Are you or aren't you?"

"What's with the hostility?"

"I'm not hostile... just curious."

Craig chuckled, "Curiosity can get the better of us."

Ellie punched him in the arm, "Stop stalling."

_I say, "Don't you know."_

_You say, "You don't know."_

_I say, "Take me out."_

Craig nodded, "Would you go to drinks with me tomorrow?"

Ellie smirked secretly, finding herself stalling for a response.

_If I move this could die_

_Eye move this could die_

_I want you to take me out_

Craig sighed, "Don't do that."

Ellie chuckled, "Don't do what?"

Craig scoffed, "Stall."

Ellie shrugged, "I don't know... it's fun. You were doing it so well... I thought I give it a try." She smirked again, watching as Craig seemed to actually take offense to her coy behavior. "Fine... don't be such a baby."

Craig rolled his eyes, "I'm not a baby."

Ellie chuckled, "Are too." She smiled wider, "Are you gonna cry?"

Craig smirked slightly, "Shut up."

Ellie chuckled some more, "You are so gonna cry."

Craig laughed, "You are the meanest girl ever."

Ellie shrugged, "What can I say? I like to torment all my eligible suitors." She smirked, "It's just something that I do."

_I know I won't be leavin' here..._

Craig tried not to laugh, finding it hard not to stare into her green eyes that seemed so guarded yet inviting. "So... is that a yes or a no?"

_I know I won't be leavin' here..._

Ellie grabbed her clutch from the bar, sliding off the stool and leaning closer to Craig as she watched Marco dance with his new friend, "I'll see you at eight." With that, she walked across the bar and tugged at Marco's sleeve.

_I know I won't be leavin' here..._

Craig was completely thrown by her delivery, stunned by her confidence and intimidated by her poised grace and how she had completely floored him with one look. He never seemed effected by a woman like her before, but knew that he in fact had a date with the mysterious redhead with the coy smile, willing to know what lied behind it.

_I know I won't be leavin here_

_With you..._

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_Okay... that's it for now. I should have another chapter up by tonight or so. I hope this didn't throw anyone off to much. It does get better, I promise. _

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_


	2. Fluorescent Adolescent

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I own my life.**_

_A/N: Okay... I am daring to continue this story, hopefully I'll get a better following with this next chapter. As always, if you like what you read, let me know. I will stop writing this story if I don't feel no one is enjoying it, so if you want to see more of this story, write those reviews! Now... on with the show..._

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"**Fluorescent Adolescent"; Arctic Monkeys**

Ellie was lounging in her living room, looking over at the pile of dirty clothes that needed to be washed for the past week. Just as she was switching the channel on the blue tube, Marco came out of the shower. He smiled at her, "How are you in the same position as you were in when I went in there?"

Ellie scoffed, "I'm not in the same position. I was on the other side until ten minutes ago."

"Wow... nice change of scenery." He tied his towel tighter as he came closer, sniffing the air, "What's that smell?" He found the pile, smacking his lips, "Dude... that's gross."

"I'll get to it later." She slumped down further into the cushions, "I promise."

_You used to get it in your fishnets  
Now you only get it in your night dress  
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness  
Landed in a very common crisis_

Marco turned off the television, "Okay... maybe I've been delusional or drunk the past morning, but I distinctively remember that you have a date with a extremely hot musician tonight."

Ellie folded her arms, "I don't feel like it." She looked over at the window, "I just feel don't like being around people right now."

Marco rolled his eyes, "So what am I, chop liver?"

"No... you're Marco. I have to deal with you." She stuck her tongue to his laughter.

"Real nice, El." He plopped next to her on the couch, "Is everything okay... for real?"

Ellie sighed, "I don't know... I'm just in a slight funk." She shook her head, "You know how I get." She trembled slightly, looking at her reddened wrist.

Marco sighed, "Your mother called, didn't she?"

Ellie avoided his eyes, nodding, "She's in a slight funk herself. I don't know... it's kinda contagious."

_Everything's in order in a black hole  
Nothing seems as pretty as the past though  
That Bloody Mary's lacking a Tabasco  
Remember when he used to be a rascal?_

Marco threw an arm over her shoulder, "Don't let her get to you."

Ellie turned to face him, "Yeah, I know. But... it's easier said than done."

Marco rubbed her shoulder, letting her lean her head on shoulder, "What did she say?"

Ellie shrugged, "You know, the usual. She's getting better with the withdraws, but it always boils down to the same thing, the same tendencies." She looked down at her wrist again, "Old habits die hard."

_Oh the boy's a slag  
The best you ever had  
The best you ever had  
Is just a memory and those dreams  
Weren't as daft as they seem  
Not as daft as they seem  
My love when you dream them up..._

Marco sighed, "Get up."

Ellie's head snapped up, "What?"

Marco stood up with his arms folded, "You heard me. Get your lazy ass up. Stop feeling bad for yourself. Put on a hot dress, do your hair and meet that hot guy at the bar." He watched Ellie as she chuckled slightly at his take-charge attitude. With final swoop, Marco grabbed Ellie by her arm and dragged her to her room, slapping her rear in the process. "Go!"

"Fine, fine." She walked into her room, slamming the door behind her. She went to her vanity, looking at her few sticks of lip gloss, the ones she bought with Ashley when she was still in town before she went with her new boyfriend, Jimmy, to New York last fall. She smirked at her minimal lifestyle, from the color of her wardrobe to her mass collection of books that seemed to be the only furniture she really possessed besides her bed and easy chair. She liked that she didn't need a lot to make herself feel at home. She took pride in the notion that she could be the type of person who didn't need tons of clothes or accessories like Marco and his best friend and her polar opposite, Paige. She only needed was her pen and paper, a good book and air in her lungs. But was mornings like she had with her mother that made her existence seem trivial, seem unfulfilled and made her resent living such close proximity.

_Flicking through a little book of sex tips  
Remember when the boys were all electric?  
Now when she's told she's gonna get it  
I'm guessing that she'd rather just forget it  
Clinging to not getting sentimental  
Said she wasn't going but she went still  
Likes her gentlemen not to be gentle  
Was it a mecca dobber or a betting pencil?_

She went through her closet, seeing nothing to wear for this supposed 'date' she was going on. She smirked secretly, thinking about the person she was going to be seeing in a matter of hours, remembering the soulful glances he gave her throughout the night. She blushed slightly, trying not to dwell on the idea of him staring at her through his entire set. She thought she may had overlooked it a bit, flattered that he found her attractive, but after he came to her, sitting next to her and actually making an effort to get to know scared her a little. She couldn't comprehend anyone so... well... striking take an interest in her. She always reveled that she was not exceptionally beautiful like Ashley or Paige, she was just Ellie. Her red hair always got her noticed but that's where it usually ended, and she accepted that. She always tried to win guys over with her intelligence, her cynical outlook on life and the rare but always welcome jokes she'd make, trying to make herself appealing in other places where her other peers lacked, depth.

_Falling about  
You took a left off Last Laugh Lane  
You're just sounding it out  
You're not coming back again._

But as she recollected that night before, how this Craig guy seemed to see past her facade and efforts, how he actually saw the beauty that she wasn't aware she possessed. She had seen looks like that given to other girls, prettier girls with the full lips and wide hips, the big boobs and the 100 watt smiles. She had never been that girl to anyone, never exactly wanting to be but secretly wishing that she could. But as she pulled down a black wrap dress, pairing it with a black cardigan and her favorite dark green chandelier earrings, she thought that maybe for tonight, she could be that girl, at least for a little while.

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_And that's it for now... I wanted to have a chapter from Ellie's perspective. I'll have a few chapters like this from either one perspective and one with both, like the next chapter. Hope you guys stick around to see what's next. _

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_


	3. Jigsaw Falling Into Place

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. I own my pants. They are not related, just stating a fact.**_

_A/N: First of all, I'm so sorry that it took me nearly a week to post this next chapter. I had a really busy weekend and I apologize for keeping you in suspense for so long. No worries... this story will continue! _

_Okay... I really hope I'm not getting in over my head. I think I was spoiled last time with my first multi-chapter in this fanfiction and now I'm getting discouraged. LOL. So, please, if you like what you're reading, please let me know through a simple review. Doesn't matter what you say, just let me know if I should continue, because it only gets better. And to prove it to you, the next installment._

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"**Jigsaw Falling Into Place"; Radiohead**

Craig walked down to the local club down the road, seeing a small line forming already. Being Friday night, it was typical for the yuppies of downtown Toronto to find salvation under the strobe lights of the night, disguising themselves with colorful clothing, brightened smiles and a drink in the hand, the standard uniform for the phantoms of the night. As he walked up to the bouncer, he gave him a curt nod allowing him to unlink the velvet rope, gaining entry to the techno-universe behind the wooden door.

He scooped the place out, seeing that it was nearly eight, hoping to catch a glimpse of the red hair that haunted his dreams and his daily routine the whole day. He couldn't understand the hold she had over him with the slightest of conversations. With one look, he was under her spell, not fully comprehending what she did to make him feel so drawn to her, but willing to find out as he made his way to the long bar.

He yelled over the music trying to get the attention of the bartender, when he felt a warm hand on his back. He smiled despite himself, turning around to find not the green eyes that followed him home, but a pair of chestnut ones. "Oh... hi."

"Hey you." She took a seat next to him, slightly touching his arm in the process. "Great song, right?"

Craig listened to the song by Rooney he remembered when he was in high school. He shuddered at the tune, "Yeah, great."

The girl giggled, "Yeah, I mean... I know it's a really silly song, but it's... I don't know... happy."

Craig looked down at the girl with a smirk. She was very bubbly, different from most of the woman who pursued him, but she seemed so self-assured, it was refreshing. "Craig."

The girl gave him a wide grin, "Manuela... but everyone calls me Manny."

Craig nodded, "Nice to meet you." He smiled slightly, finding her smile inviting, not like Ellie's that seemed tamed and distant. Manny seemed much more open, more revealed. But as he looked down at the smaller woman, a flash of red caught his eye, sending a warm sensation down his body. He looked up, seeing Ellie looking around the club, finding him almost instantly. He looked down at Manny, finding her charming, but not nearly as captivating, "It was nice to meet you."

Manny smirked, "You're waiting on someone, huh?"

Craig shrugged, "'Fraid so." He gave her a small smile,"Have a good night."

Manny nodded, "Oh, I intend to." She gradually made her way down the bar, giving him a slight squeeze on his arm.

Craig walked over toward Ellie, feeling a smile tug at the corners of his mouth, "Hey."

Ellie chuckled, "Hey." She gave him a quizzical brow, "Was I interrupting something?"

Craig smirked, "Yes you were." He laughed out loud, "Thank you."

Ellie took his hand, leading him toward the bar, "No problem."

_Just as you take my hand  
Just as you write my number down  
Just as the drinks arrive  
Just as they play your favorite song  
As your bad day disappears  
No longer wound up like a spring  
Before you've had too much  
Come back in focus again_

Craig watched as she pulled him through the ever-crowding room, taking a seat on a nearby stool. "What's you poison?"

Craig shrugged, "A beer would be just fine."

Ellie nodded, "As you wish." She gave him another smirk, different from her earlier ones, deciding to make a mental snapshot of it to remember it when it appeared again.

_The walls are bending shape  
You got a Cheshire cat grin  
All blurring into one  
This place is on a mission_

Ellie chuckled, "So... who was the girl?"

Craig shrugged, "Just a girl."

"She looked like a baby." She looked over at the bubbly girl, standing with a taller blond and another guy. "They all look like children."

Craig turned around, noticing the little group over at the corner. He smirked, "Yeah... they probably sneaked in." He gave her a mocking brow, "You intimidated?"

Ellie snorted, "Hardly." She took a sip of her beer, eying the rest of the crowd, "It's packed tonight."

"Yeah." He took the moment to look her over, feeling slightly out of character as he examined her, trying to memorize the curve of her neck, the speckles of freckles that seemed to hold the light above her. "So... I thought you wouldn't make it."

Ellie looked over him chuckling, "Neither did I."

"Oh really?"

_Before the night owl  
Before the animal noises  
Closed circuit cameras  
Before you comatose_

"Yeah." She turned toward him again, giving him an easy smile. "I'm not particularly in the mood to be around people." She shook her head, "That sounds really bad, right?"

Craig smirked, "No way. Total turn-on." He chuckled, "I love it when the girl's not into it."

Ellie punched him in his arm, "That's gross."

"Made you laugh."

"More like gag." They both chuckled, finishing off their beers. As Craig called the bartender over for another drink, Ellie moved along with an old The Cure song. "I love this song."

Craig nodded, "Yeah... it's a good one." He handed her a new beer, "This is actually one of the first songs I learned on the guitar."

Ellie eyes light up, "Really? That's awesome." She sat up more on her stool, "What was your first song you learned?"

Craig blushed slightly, "You have to promise not to laugh. It's not exactly a tortured anthem."

Ellie nodded, "I promise." She smirked, "Not to laugh too hard."

Craig rolled his eyes, "Fine... 'Faith'."

"By George Michael?!" Ellie snorted, "Ah man... that's terrible."

Craig laughed out loud, "Hey... it was the best I could do. It had the same two chords."

Ellie crossed her arms, "Unlikely story."

Craig rolled his eyes again, speaking softer, "And I knew all the words."

Ellie snorted louder, "Of course you did." She leaned next to him, trying to hold her balance, "And you call yourself... an artist."

Craig mocked offense, "I am now!"

"Right." Ellie finished off her beer, shaking her head in the process.

_Before you run away from me  
Before you're lost between the notes  
The beat goes round and round  
The beat goes round and round_

Craig listened as the next changed to a more dance worthy song, prompting him to take hold of Ellie's hand, "Dance with me."

Ellie looked down at their hands, a slight blush creeping up her neck, "I'm not a very good dancer."

Craig chuckled, "That's impossible." He pulled her off the stool, taking her across the dance floor, stopping near the middle.

"I guess you can say 'Goodbye' to your toes."

"Stop it and dance." He began to frail his body around in a circle, contorting his limbs around aimlessly.

"You call that dancing?"

Craig shrugged, "C'mon... it's fun." As he continued to dance around more manically, other patrons watched on, some laughing and pointing, others finding it annoying, rolling their eyes and moving away.

_I never really got there  
I just pretended that I had  
Words are blunt instruments  
Words are sewn off shotgun_s

Ellie watched on as he continued to dance, "Stop it, Craig."

Craig stopped in mid-move, "Why?"

"Because you're acting silly."

Craig smirked, "So... you wanna prove me wrong that you're a worst dancer than me?"

Ellie shook her head, moving slightly to the beat of the song, rolling her eyes, "You're a jerk, you know that?"

Craig smiled as he slowly danced more appropriately, "That's what everyone keeps telling me." He smirked as Ellie got more into the music, closing her eyes as she let her hips move more freely. Without thinking, he found his hands around them, moving along to the rhythm the club was going, getting lost in its beat.

_Come on and let it out  
Come on and let it out  
Come on and let it out  
Come on and let it out_

Ellie felt Craig's hands at her side, finding the music take hold of them both, feeling her heart race slightly. She had come tonight under the notion that this would be a one-time deal, no intention of seeing the cocky musician ever again. But as she drew closer to him, she found it hard to not be with him like this, even if it was only a lone song in the middle of a crowded club. In that moment, she didn't want to song to end.

_Before you run away from me  
Before your lost between the notes  
Just as you take the mic  
Just as you dance, dance, dance_

They both moved to the beat when the song ended. Ellie looked up, finding herself slightly disoriented. She blushed slightly, "That was fun."

Craig smirked, "Yeah." He chuckled, "Who said you weren't a good dancer?"

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Shut up." She eyed the bar again, "Wanna get another drink?"

Craig shrugged, "You can get another one." He smiled as he watched her walk across the floor, seeing the bartender smile in her presence. He chuckled, figuring she was hit on constantly, but she only gave him the chance to spend the night with her. He continued to revel in the notion that he was her choice when a hand seemed to touch his arm. He turned, finding a par of familiar eyes shimming in the strobe lights. "Hello again."

_A Jigsaw falling into place  
So there is nothing to explain  
You eye each other as you pass  
She looks back and you look back  
Not just once  
and not just twice_

"Hey." Manny smirked, "You remember me?"

Craig chuckled, "Of course I do."

"Mind dancing with me for one song?" She gave him a flirtatious smile his way, sending him an unexpected warmth.

"Um..." He looked back at Ellie who was still waiting on her beer, looking back down at the smiling Manny. "I kinda -"

"No big deal. It's just one dance." She smirked, taking hold of his hand.

Ellie turned around, seeing the girl from earlier standing close to Craig, finding her neck redden as she made her way through the crowd. She knew that deep down she didn't have any claim on him, but she knew that if she didn't do anything now, she'd never have the chance. She tapped the shorter girl's shoulder, watching her turn around. She was caught off guard slightly, finding the girl breathtaking with her dimpled cheeks and her spunky chestnut eyes. For a moment, she felt inferior, being reminded that these are the type of girls that Craig should be around, not the wallflower like herself. She nearly turned back around, when Craig reached out, taking her hand around the other woman.

"Excuse me, Manny. I was waiting for my date." He proceeded to take Ellie to the other end of the floor.

_Wish away your nightmare  
Wish away the nightmare_

He looked down at Ellie, feeling better than he had in weeks. For the first time in a long time, he felt comfortable. "Sorry about that."

Ellie smiled despite herself, feeling as if she wasn't living her life, but someone else's, feeling the high of superiority over the little girl and feeling the cool sensation of Craig's touch, knowing the nothing seemed more right. "It's okay."

Craig smirked, "What happened to your beer?"

Ellie shrugged, finding her arms wrapping around Craig's neck, "I didn't need it."

Craig smirked, wrapping his arms around Ellie's back, "No... you don't." They continued to dance, swaying back and forth to the rhythm to a song neither one knew or cared to know. All they knew was they were two people finding themselves falling into a place where they were both content.

_You got the light you can feel it on your back  
A light, you can feel it on your back  
Your jigsaw falling into place_

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_And that's for know. I'll try to have two updates by tomorrow to compensate for the lack of chapters in the past weekend. _

_Now it's that time again where you tell me to continue or not. So... get to writing those reviews... ALL OF YOU!!_

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_


	4. Blacking Out The Friction

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. I don't anything worth any value to anyone other than me. **_

_A/N: I'm gonna have two chapters up today, this one and one later on this evening. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and as always, if you like what you're reading, just leave a review. So... here's the next chapter._

* * *

"**Blacking Out the Friction"; Death Cab for Cutie**

Ellie sat up in her bed, blinking out the sleep in her eyes, looking around her bedroom. She sighed, standing up and walking toward the bathroom, turning on her iPod to shuffle. She smirked, hearing a familiar chords of an old Blondie song. She bobbed her head to the rhythm, turning on the bathroom light. She smirked at her reflection, still smelling the soft scent of the night before in her hair.

* * *

_Ellie took Craig's hand as they left the club, finding their footing to be slightly awkward. She chuckled, watching Craig try to appear sober. "You look like you're trying to hard."_

"_Shut up." He laughed as she leaned closer to him, "What are you doing?"_

"_Trying to stand straighter." She breathed in his scent, feeling the warmth of his jacket in the brisk night air, wanting to get lost in it. "So..."_

"_So." She watched him smile at her, finding it reassuring that she was with him and that he had chosen her. "You wanna go eat or something?"_

"_Yeah. I'm starving."_

_He stopped short, digging through his pockets."I have the grand total of..." He counted the change, "Thirty-two dollars and... seventeen cents."_

_Ellie snorted, "Whew... I've never been around someone with so much loot." She pulled him down the street, "There's a hamburger place down the street we can go to with your... budget."_

_Craig nodded, "Limit is... five fifty."_

_Ellie shook her head as they made their way down the street, "You really need a day job."_

* * *

She looked at the clock, seeing it was half past nine, figuring Marco was still around. She made her way through the kitchen, finding Paige Michalchuk, Marco's best friend and her sometime good friend, at the table eating a bagel. "Hey."

Paige turned around, smiling, "Hey hon." She scrutinized Ellie's appearance, "Rough night?"

Ellie shook her head as she walked toward the refrigerator, "Actually... the exact opposite."

Paige walked over to the counter, "Really?" She smirked, "Marco told me you went on a date last night. I thought he was joking."

"Ouch."

"Sorry, hon. It's just that you don't normally... you know... go out in public that much."

"I go out."

"Yeah... with Marco. Not really going out."

"Thanks a lot." She poured some milk, drinking as Paige folded her arms, giving her a curious look. "What?"

Paige sighed, rolling her eyes as if the question was obvious. "How was it?"

Ellie tried to stop the blush that threatened to creep up her neck, but she knew Paige was watching her closer than usual. "Fine." She smirked, "It was... fun."

Paige rolled her eyes, "Well, duh. What else happened?"

Ellie smirked as she saw Paige squirm, "Why so interested?"

Paige shrugged, "I don't know. Me and Alex have been I don't know... losing our magic the last few weeks."

Ellie snorted, "Your magic?"

"We just need to spice things up a bit... you know."

She chuckled slightly, "Uh huh."

"Shut up." Paige sat back down, drinking her coffee, "So... what else happened?"

Ellie took a seat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. "Well... we went to that club downtown... um... This is London."

"Ooh, that's a cool place."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Yeah, well, we had a good time."

Paige nodded,"You totally like him."

"Yeah... I think I do."

Paige rolled her eyes, "No, you're not suppose to agree. You're supposed to be all moody and emo, denying it until I make you confess."

Ellie nodded, "Yeah, I know. I just thought I would skip that part because I didn't want my corn flakes to get soggy."

Paige chuckled, "You really like him."

Ellie nodded, "I guess I do."

Paige scoffed, "You are horrible when it comes to this girl talk stuff."

At that moment, Marco came in from outside. "Hey ladies."

Paige walked toward him, "I was just talking to El about her 'date' last night."

"Ooh, details please." He ran to the table, looking up expectantly at Ellie.

"Oh God, not you too."

"Hey... I just got here."

"I had a nice time. That's all you need to know."

Paige rolled her eyes, "What's up with all the secrecy? It's not like he's back there in your room, right?"

Ellie blushed slightly, reveling in the thought that she wish he was, "No."

Marco chuckled, "But you totally wish he was." Paige laughed as Marco and her grabbed their coats.

Ellie watched them leave, "Where you going?"

Marco smirked at Paige, looking back at Ellie, "Out." They both laughed as they walked out the door.

Ellie chuckled as she put her bowl in the sink, letting a small smile play on her lips. She did in fact like Craig...a lot. She couldn't deny the constant thoughts of him running through her mind since last night, remembering the small touches, the slight smiles and the warm feeling that she had when he held her hand. She made her way to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower when her cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey."

Ellie smiled wider than she had since being with him last night, "Hey."

"What are you doing?"

"Uh... about to take a shower."

"Ooh, sexy. Can I come over?"

"Gross." She snorted as she walked over to the bathroom again, "So... what's up?"

"Just wanted to talk to you."

She felt her cheeks flush as she undid her ponytail, trying not to have come over the phone. "Um... thanks." She rolled her eyes, "I just sounded like a complete dork."

Craig chuckled, "It's okay. I'm the dork who called."

"Yeah, you're right. You are a dork."

"Thanks a lot."

She bit her lip, "So..."

"So..." There was a slight pause, "You wanna do something today?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know... hang?"

She chuckled, "Hanging sounds like fun."

"Great. So you wanna meet me or -"

"We can meet at that place we went to last night... Joe's."

"Yeah... sounds good." Ellie could have sworn she heard him smiling over the phone. "See ya later, Nash."

Ellie chuckled, remembering she mentioned her last name the night before, "Bye, Manning."

She walked out the door, putting her earplugs on as she walked down the autumn filled early afternoon. She smiled as an old favorite came on, feeling the breeze as she walked toward Craig.

_I don't mind the weather  
I've got scarves and caps and sweaters  
I've got long johns under slacks for blustery days._

She smiled as she saw him at the same table, finding the sight of him refreshing. He waved at her, sending a new round of fresh blushes up her neck. She tried to shake them off but as she drew closer to the door, the simple sight of him watching her walk gave her a new appreciation for the autumn day.

_I think that it's brainless to assume that making changes _

_To your window's view will give a new perspective._

She stepped inside, walking to his table. As she made her way, she watched as he came around, taking her hand and leading her back. She reveled in his touch, feeling the wave of heat become stronger, praying that he wouldn't notice.

He took a seat across from her, "You hungry?"

She smirked, "Always."

Craig chuckled, "Nice." He signaled for the waitress to come over, letting go of her hand. Ellie tried not to pay attention to the slight drop she felt when he let go.

_And the hardest part is yet to come_

Craig smiled, "I'm glad you were able to make it."

"Yeah. I wasn't doing much today anyway." She smirked, "What about you?"

He shrugged, "Nothing much. Just felt like some company. My roommate... Spinner -"

"Spinner?"

Craig chuckled, "It's a nickname... don't ask."

"Wasn't gonna."

"Anyway, his name is Gavin."

"I can see why they call him 'Spinner'."

Craig chuckled, "You're funny."

Ellie shrugged, "It's been known to happen from time to time." She tried not to pay attention to the absence of his touch but she itched for him to hold her hand again. She wasn't the type of girl that was all touchy-feely with guys. She liked having her space and appreciated when guys did the same, but it was different with Craig. She wanted his touch, longed for it practically. After the night before, being close to him the way she was, not being able to be with him, touch him like he had before seemed foreign. But as she watched him animately talk of his roommate, she let her simply plea go to the wayside.

_I don't mind restrictions or if you're blacking out the friction  
It's just an escape (it's overrated anyways)_

Craig chuckled, "Yeah... he was bugging me all day today about -" He grew silent rather quickly, as if he regretted the statement he started.

"About what?"

He reached across the table, taking Ellie's hand again, "About you." He shrugged, "I kinda talked about you incessantly the past couple of days."

Ellie allowed her blush to shine through, figuring he at least deserved that. "Really?"

"Yeah... really."

Ellie chuckled softly, "I guess I have to confess that I didn't talk too much about you..." She watched Craig's face fall when she intertwined her fingers with his. "But I only do that with guys I really like."

Craig smirked, "Well chucks, Nash. You're making me blush."

Ellie threw a balled-up napkin at his head, "Shut up." She laughed with him, knowing that she wasn't the only one who was excited about them, and reveled in the notion that she wasn't alone...

_The hardest part is yet to come  
When you will cross the country alone._

* * *

_And that's it for now. I hope you liked this chapter... and there's only way for me to know for sure. _

_By the way, I also hope you like my music selections. If you have any suggestions for songs, just send them my way through a review. I have quite a few in mind, but if you think a song would be good, let me know and I'll credit you._

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_


	5. Shoreline

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. I own the computer that I'm using... in three more months.**_

_A/N: I'm so sorry folks about another long wait. I had some difficulty trying to find a song for this next chapter. But no worries, I found a very good song to tie into this chapter and I hope you agree. Also, if you've been having difficulty finding any of these songs or want to listen to these songs while you read, I have a playlist link on my profile page featuring every song. I'll add a new song for each chapter and feel free to download these songs into your own playlist. They surprisingly work well together. LOL. At any rate, I hope you're enjoying this story and here's the next chapter..._

* * *

**"7/4 Shoreline"; Broken Social Scene**

Craig was strumming on his guitar, humming an elusive tune. He smirked at the strings, finding them more revealing than any tale or any woman he ever known. As she plucked each string, feeling the harmony within, he let his mind take shape, forming memories of laughter and smiles, small moments when he felt free, tender ideals that he thought the need to harbor was useless, and with one final chord, his thoughts drifted back to Ellie again. He chuckled to himself, finding his immediate fondness of her was mutual, remembering the spark that flared when their hands met across a table or when they were simply walking down the street and how her small hand seemed to fit his so naturally. He never deemed himself a guy he found holding hands or any other sentimental bullshit worth so much. He always seemed to take the constant step to get closer to a release, a meeting between two people, eventually letting the fire burn and extinguish in close recession. But with Ellie, it was different. He didn't want to have sex with her and be flaky until she got the hint. That was the Craig all his friends knew. That was the Craig all his friends loved and admired. But something had changed over the past few weeks. For the first time in his life, he didn't want to be that Craig, he wanted to be another Craig, a better Craig.

During his reverie, Spinner, his long-time friend and roommate, walked into his room, "What's that?"

Craig shrugged, "Dunno." He looked up and watched Spinner plop on his bed, "Don't you have your own room to lounge in?"

"What's your damage, dude?" He proceeded to munch on a granola bar. "Is that for your new woman?"

"Her name is Ellie."

"Oh, right. EL-LIE." He chuckled as he continued to eat. "So... when are you going to bring this chick over?"

Craig looked up, "Why?"

Spinner shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe 'cause I wanna meet this chick that's made you into this... wuss."

"I have not turned softed!"

"You so have." He chuckled, putting his feet on Craig's dresser. "Look, I get it. I'm sure she's smoking hot... but really man... you've turned all emo on me." He gestured to the stereo, "Listening to these weak ass songs about love and garbage and shit."

"I have you know that this music is awesome." He shook his head, "It's better than the crap you listen too."

"Hey, pal! I have _you_ know 'Rage Against The Machine' is the best band ever to grace this planet!"

"Yeah... in 1993."

Spinner jumped up, "Grew a dick, man." He proceeded to walk toward, "Or better yet, get it back from _EL-LIE_!"

_It's a shoreline_

_And it's half speed_

_It's a cruel world and_

_And it's time..._

Craig threw a football across the room at Spinner's head. "Suck ass, Mason!" The ball landed on the tip of his head, causing Spinner to fall over. Craig stifled a chuckle as Spinner landed on a bean bag in the corner, toppling over a stack of CDs. Craig walked over, offering his hand, "Sorry, man."

"What the hell, man? Was that even necessary?" He stood up again, rubbing the spot where he was hit.

Craig shrugged, "I'm not sure. I guess I have to grow a dick to find out."

Spinner chuckled, "Sorry, man. That was kinda a low blow..."

Craig smirked, "Yeah, really below the belt..."

"Kinda a sensitive subject..."

"What?"

"Oh, I thought we were doing puns."

"_I_ was doing puns. What the hell was that?" They both proceeded to laugh, finding themselves landing on the floor.

Spinner nudged Craig, "So... you really like this chick, huh?"

"Stop calling her a 'chick'."

"Oh, you _really_ like this girl."

"Shut up, Spin."

Spinner shrugged, "I just noticed that you started writing again, is all." He motioned over to Craig's desk, where a notepad laid. "You really haven't written in months."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm your roommate, not dumb. Besides... when you write, you get all quiet and you stop eating for days." He held up his wrapper, "That's why we have so much food in the house."

Craig chuckled, "I think we need to find more friends. You know me too well."

Spinner scooped up Craig's arm, "Sorry, pal. You're stuck with me for life." They both laughed some more. Spinner spotted short, "Hey... um... have you told Ellie about -"

"No."

_And you're walking away_

_But where to go to?_

_And you're walking alone, _

_But how to get through?_

_If you wanna get it right_

_You can own what you choose_

_But you wanna live a lie_

_And love what you lose_

Spinner rolled his eyes, "Why not?"

"Because..." Craig sighed, "She's so... perfect."

"No one's perfect, dude. Trust me... I know. You think you got somebody already pegged out and BAM!... they surprise you."

Craig considered what Spinner said, "I don't know... I have a lot of baggage."

"We all do, man. I mean... look at me. I have one nut. One. I'm telling you to grow a pair when I can't even do it." He chuckled, "Look... I get that you're afraid, but you can't let that define your relationship."

"What?"

"What?"

"Where the hell did that come from?"

Spinner shrugged, "I might have caught the last half hour of Dr. Phil yesterday." He smirked as Craig hit him with a pillow.

"And I'm the punkass. Nice one, loser."

Spinner stood up, "Hey, you wanna hang out later, maybe bring Ellie along."

"You really wanna meet her, eh?"

"I want to give her the ground rules."

"Ground rules?"

"You know, the unwritten code of male around here."

"Meaning..."

"Meaning I want to see if she is as amazing as you say she is."

"Why?"

Spinner shrugged, "Just let me know when you wanna hang out together."

"Fine." Craig continued to walk toward the door, pushing Spinner out the door, "Out." He smirked as he heard him saying something along the lines of 'Loser' or 'Whipped', finding his friendship very endearing. Spinner had been there for him at a time when he really had no one. He was a confident like no other, a wingman to have for parties or concerts, a pal to joke around with, an ear to listen to his rants and a friend he knew he could count on. Over the years, him and Spinner had their differences, once almost leading to the end of their bond, but through it all, they were still buds.

_While you're walking away_

_And I'm trying to get through_

_But you've gotta know their lies_

_From the lies they've told you_

_If you try to do it up_

_It all will leave you_

_If you try to steal the beat_

_The beat you steal you..._

The thing that Spinner understood the most was what Craig feared most people knowing. He had his secrets, but one in particular he tried to hide at all costs, from his music, his agent, his other friends, Spinner understood what it was like to be dependent. He knew that rather he become a huge rockstar like in his dreams or the simpleton songwriter he was today, he would always have that dependency, that need to have another source to live some type of normalcy. He tried to keep it out of his relationships, knowing deep down it was the factor of many of his break-ups, if not all of them. But the sheer thought of anyone knowing about it, especially Ellie terrified him to no end. He didn't want to appear weak or small, but as he opened his medicine cabinet, pulling down an assortment of medication, he knew that if he ever wanted anything real with Ellie, he'd have to stop finding comfort in the lies he'd created for himself and break free from the bind they caused him for so long, hopefully finding freedom on the other side.

* * *

_And that's it for now... I'll have another chapter up by tonight. Again, so sorry for the ridiculous wait. I'll try to post more frequently. And as always, REVIEW!!_


	6. Sea Legs

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. And that's about it.**_

_A/N: I would love to update more on this story like my other stories, but alas... I have found myself something absurd... a life. Damn that life getting in the way of my good time! LOL. At any rate, I hope that everyone who is reading this story is enjoying this story. The only way to let me know to continue or that I'm making a huge mistake is through a review. I know... it's repetitive, but what can I say? I'm addicted to email announcements in my inbox. So... as a tradition to test my loyal readers... I'll hold a review ransom. When you all reach that quota, a chapter will be posted promptly. So, I hope you enjoy the next installment..._

* * *

"**Sea Legs"; The Shins**

Ellie found herself outside of her mother's house, sitting behind the steering wheel of her small, beat-up Jetta Volkswagen. She sighed, feeling her grip on the wheel tense up more. She knew that her visits were necessary, not just for her mother, but there were times when she did in fact miss her mother. They had an unconventional relationship, one of tension and rebellion, but under it all they had a deep affection for one another, one that kept there bond so bound. The truth was, and at times Ellie feared the most to admit, they were more alike than different. They both looked at the world with a cynical wit, finding people in general more stupid than tangible of some sort of intelligence, and they had an instinctive response to shut out the world when needed be, taking the pain they felt inside themselves and finding ways to explode quickly. Ellie took a sharp breathe, opening up the car door.

As she walked up the familiar sidewalk to the front door, she could see her mother in the kitchen, reading the newspaper. She let a smile plant itself on her lips, enjoying seeing her mother and her somewhat normal existence from her spot outside the window. They both were able to deceive if they needed to, able to hide their secrets by their snide remarks, plastering defiant glares and allowing the world to think what they wanted, not denying or encouraging their inferences. She opened the door with her key, letting out a simple, "Mom?"

Her mother rounded the corner, smiling, "Eleanor, so lovely to see you, dear." She came closer, embracing her daughter. She stood back slightly, examining her, "You're wearing too much make-up. You could have done with all the eyeliner." She took her chin, moving her face from left to right, "You can't see your beautiful eyes."

Ellie shrugged her mother's arms off her, "I'll do better next time." She walked across the room, trying not to reach down to her wrist, feeling like she was fifteen all over again. "So... how are you?"

Her mother took a seat from where Ellie was standing, "I'm doing better." She chuckled, "You know how it is..."

Ellie took a seat across from her, "Yeah." She smiled, "I see you got that new vase you were talking about last week."

"Oh yes. I thought it was a good buy." She shrugged, "It reminded me of a vase your father's mother had in her home." She frowned slightly, thinking about her husband and Ellie's father.

Ellie felt her cheeks redden involuntarily, "That's nice." She tried not to fidget too much, afraid to hear another remark from her mother, so she decided to stand, "Want anything from the kitchen?"

"Oh, no. I'm fine." She turned as she watched Ellie walk toward the refrigerator, "You hungry?"

Ellie shrugged, "A little. I'll make something up." She fished in the cabinet when she felt a bottle toward the back. She pulled it toward the front, seeing the label of a off-brand Vodka bottle, half empty. She grimaced, looking at the bottle that she was sure her mother opened not long ago. She had half a mind to confront her on her discovery, but she closed the cabinet instead. Today wasn't the day for yelling matches and confrontations. So she pulled down a box of vanilla wafers, walking back into the living room.

"Eleanor, you should eat something with more protein." She smiled, "I was reading in this article that as long as you eat food with high protein, it curves your appetite to the point where -"

"I'm fine, Mom. I just wanted something to nibble on."

"You really should change your eating habits, Eleanor. No man's gonna marry a fat woman."

Ellie's mouth dropped slightly, turning toward the cabinet again. It took all her strength not to pull the Vodka off the shelf and give her a piece of her own medicine. Instead, she sighed, continuing to nibble on her cookies, "I'll be fine."

The mood in the room changed when her mother walked into the kitchen, pouring her coffee down the drain. Ellie knew what was inside, feeling the subtle churns of her stomach, screaming to release the tension that had been building since she stepped into the house. Without thinking, she closed her eyes, thinking about her last date with Craig.

* * *

_Ellie was backstage at a local club on the West end of Toronto. She had only been to the club once before when she was in college, but being here again to see Craig perform seemed to make everything seem different. She saw him round the corner, holding his ax and holding a stoic expression on his face. He seemed so serene, like he was truly in his element. She felt a slight pang in her chest, wondering if she would ever find something or be someplace where she felt like she belonged. She approached him, slightly nervous she might disturb his meditated state, "Hey."_

"_Hey you." He gave her an easy smile, one that seemed to make her weak in the knees. She still hadn't grasped the concept of his starling beauty. "You okay? You want anything to drink or something. I know the bartender really well. He'll get you anything you want."_

_Ellie smirked, "You got that kinda pull here?"_

_Craig chuckled, "Oh yeah. I know plenty of people in high places."_

"_Good to know." She turned toward the bar, before turning back to Craig, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Break a leg."_

_As she turned back around, Craig took hold of her hand, pulling her into a soft, gentle kiss. He gently stroked her cheek, whispering, "I'll see you out there?"_

_Ellie felt the kiss from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, being aware of her breathing, which was drastically faster than before. She chuckled, "You bet." _

_**Of all the churning random hearts  
Under the sun  
Eventually fading into night,  
These two are opening now  
As we lie, I touch you  
Under fuller light.** _

_As Ellie watched from the bar, the bartender came by to wipe down the counter. He noticed the constant glances from Craig to Ellie and vice versa shaking his head, "You must be his new one, eh?"_

_Ellie turned, "Excuse me?"_

"_You know... Craig's new girl of the moment." He shrugged, "I have to admit, I wouldn't peg you as one of his groupies."_

_Ellie felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, seeing the visible goosebumps appear on her arms. "I'm not his groupie."_

"_Sure you aren't. That's what they all say."_

_Ellie crossed her arms, "And who are you to tell me if I'm a groupie."_

_The bartender extended his hand, "I'm Sean Cameron." He chuckled when Ellie didn't shake it, "I've known Craig forever, since high school." He shrugged, "Let's just say that he's had his way with many women."_

_Ellie shook his head, "So?"_

"_Don't pretend you're not effected by this."_

"_Why do you care?"_

_Sean shrugged, "I don't really. I just thought that you seemed different from Craig's usual type. You actually seem like you have actual... depth."_

_Ellie drained the remains of her beer, pushing over the glass toward Sean. She pulled out her wallet when Sean stopped her, "It's on me."_

_Ellie stopped and looked at Sean sighing, "You don't have to -"_

"_Hey... it's the least I can do." He smirked, "I can tell... you really like Craig."_

_Ellie glared at him, "Look, I don't know what you're deal is... I'm just -"_

"_Look, I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, I actually think he likes you too." He shrugged, "I just wanted to warn you that Craig is... kinda unpredictable. I just wanted you to be aware."_

_Ellie threw her purse over her shoulder, "Thanks for tip... and the drink." She marched off toward the back, noticing Craig falter slightly during his set."_

_Ellie stayed in the dressing room, fuming. She knew that deep inside, she had suspected that something like this might happen. She had been with Craig for only two weeks, hey hadn't even made love yet and here she was, a confirmed acknowledgment that this was a fluke. She chuckled, feeling ridiculous that anyone like Craig would take her seriously. He was a musician fro Christ's sake. They were known for being unpredictable, spontaneous people, why would she ever think she could have a real relationship with him. While she was in her reverie, she heard Craig step inside. "What the hell happened out there?" He walked over, wrapping his arm around her, "You okay?"_

_Ellie shrugged it off, "No... I'm not okay." She started to pace around the room, "What are we doing?"_

"_What?"_

"_Do you like me?" She felt silly, noticing her cheeks reddening to boot. "You know... 'like me' like me?"_

_Craig chuckled, "I think that's pretty obvious."_

_Ellie scoffed, "Yeah, like that you have all types of groupies and crap hanging around." She shook her head, "I can't believe I was so stupid." She began to storm toward the door when Craig grabbed her arm. "Let me go, Craig."_

"_No! What the hell happened?"_

_She crossed her arms, "Go ask your friend, Sean."_

_Craig rolled his eyes, "You talked to Sean. That figures."_

"_What is that supposed to mean?"_

_Craig shrugged, "He's always doing that. I guess that means he likes you." He chuckled, "It's kind hard not to."_

_Ellie stood there defiantly, "Could you explain to me what the hell you're talking about?"_

_Craig reached for her hand, pulling her over to him. "Hey." He pulled her down next to him, intertwining his fingers with hers. "I 'like you' like you, okay? Whatever Sean told you, ignore. He's just trying to get to you. He does that to everybody."_

"_Why?"_

"_I don't know. That's Sean. He's weird." He chuckled, "I didn't say we were best friends, we just know each other really well." _

_Ellie looked at him, finding herself unconvinced. She wanted to believe him, desperately, but there seemed to be some truth about what Sean said. But just as she wanted to say just that, she found her lips locked with his, a kiss more passionate than their first. She let herself get lost in his arms, finding his arms around her waist. She wanted so much to believe Craig, but her insecurities were getting in the way. After a moment, Craig brushed his fingers over her shoulders, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I want to be with you... more than I think I ever wanted to be with anyone." He shrugged, "I want this to work... but you have to trust me."_

_**Girl, if you're a seascape  
I'm a listing boat, for the thing carries every hope.  
I invest in a single light.  
The choice is yours to be loved  
Come away from an emptier boat.**_

_Ellie looked into his eyes, and for the first time, she didn't see the images of other women, women that seemed to intimidate her, women who seemed to be the ones that should be with Craig, better women for him, but instead, she saw herself. She let a smile escape, leaning into Craig's embrace, "I want us to work too."_

"_Good." They held each other for a while, just hearing each other breathe. Craig looked down at her, and Ellie smiled up at him, "You hungry?"_

* * *

Ellie's mother snapped her fingers, "Eleanor!" She sighed, "Would you stop daydreaming and listen to your mother."

Ellie sighed, "What is it?"

Her mother shook her head, "I was telling you that I was thinking about visiting your Grandmother in British Columbia."

"Why?"

"For the same reason why you visit me... because it's the right thing to do... and I love her." Ellie snorted, causing her mother to shout, "What's so amusing?"

"You hate her! You're always ranting about how she's the reason why you are the way you are... always saying she was your reason for-" Ellie stopped, fearful to go near the subject that still remained in the cabinet.

Her mother seemed to notice the sudden change in Ellie's demeanor, changing the conversation, "What's new with you, sweetheart?"

Ellie watched her mother try to be the kind of woman she saw in _Home & Gardens_, prim and proper and the perfect wife, waiting for a husband that wasn't coming home. Ellie came here for a reason, but until that moment, she feared that her small bit of happiness might be her mother's sorrow.

_'Cause when the dead moon  
Rises again  
We've no time to start a protocol  
To have us in.  
And when the dog slides  
Underneath a train,  
There's no cry, no use to searching for  
What mutts remain._

Ellie chuckled, "Oh... you know, the usual. Marco's starting graduate school soon." She shrugged, "I thought I'd might take a few more classes... maybe enroll for the next semester."

Her mother nodded, "That sounds good, dear. Have you thought about what you wanted to major in?"

"I guess English. I mean... there's plenty of sub-majors I could take. I still have a couple of months to decide."

"Well... whenever you have any questions, you can always ask me." She chuckled, "I did get a master's in English Literature. I can help you with whatever."

"Thanks, Mom." Ellie allowed a smile to show, feeling a slight motivation to tell her what she came over to tell, "Uh... Mom?"

_Throw all consequence aside  
The chill aspire, people set alight._

"Yes, dear."

"Um... I actually wanted to tell you about something... or rather someone."

Her mother smirked, "You're seeing someone, Ellie?"

"Uh... yeah." She chuckled, "He's really great. He's -"

"How long?"

"Oh... um... for a few weeks." She smirked, "Three, actually."

"That's nice, dear." She went into the kitchen, "You still hungry? I can make you some lunch..."

Ellie sighed, feeling anti-climatic. She stood up, walking toward the door, "Um... actually, I better take off."

"But you just got here!"

_Of all the intersecting lines in the sand  
I routed a labyrinth to your lap.  
I never used a map sliding off the land  
On an incidental tide,  
And along the way you know, they try  
They try _

Ellie looked at her mother, finding her attempt to make her stay endearing, but she continued to glance at the cabinet, the magazines on the table and her mother's sunken eyes, fearing she couldn't handle too much more of her past life of watching her mother's own self-destruction. She was the one who had watched for years as she drowned her sorrows in the bottle that not only contained liquor but a part of her soul, the part that seemed to contain her nurture and affection that Ellie rarely saw to begin with. She wanted to stay, but in these walls, she felt that she too was slowly dwindling. "I'm sorry, but I have to go." She walked over, giving her a quick peck, "I'll call you tonight. Love you, Mom."

"I love you, too."

Ellie turned one last time, seeing her mother, looking slightly smaller than she was when she entered. "Take care." She walked out the door, finding the fresh air a godsend, feeling as if a weight was lifted.

* * *

As she drove toward home, her cell rang. "Hello?"

"How'd it go?"

Ellie smirked, "Hey Marco. It went well... really well, actually."

"I told you she'd be fine with it." Marco chuckled, "I don't understand why you get so worked up over her."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "It's not that simple." Even after these years of friendship, Marco still couldn't understand the relationship her mother and her shared. Marco had always had a strong relationship with his parents, even after he came out, they had their small riff but they seemed to stand beside each other through and through, and at times, Ellie found herself slightly envious of that, knowing that she could never have that with her mother.

"Well... now since you told your mother about him, we can finally have dinner with Craig."

"What?"

"You know.. I mean, I met him for like two seconds -"

"'Cause you wanted to flirt with some random guy."

"Regardless, I want to really talk to this guy."

"What for?"

"I just think it should be a formal meeting, you know? I'm your best friend. I had a dinner when I started dating Felipe."

Ellie nodded, "I guess... I just don't want it to be... awkward."

"I promise it won't be awkward."

"I have to go... I'm driving."

"Bye." Ellie hung up the phone, smiling slightly. She had let the cat out of the bag, she told her mother about Craig. She knew it was silly to tell her so soon in the relationship, but with Craig, she felt that she could have some hope, something she could never really count on or find in her life. She wanted so much for things to work between them, and knowing that he was willing as much as her, it made finding hope all the more easier.

_And we got sea legs  
And we're off tonight  
Can I've that to which they've no right?  
You belong to a simpler time  
I'm a victim to the impact of these words,  
And this rhyme._

Her phone rang again, making Ellie feeling slightly annoyed, "I told you I was driving."

"Bad time?"

"Oh! Hey."

Craig chuckled, "Hey."

"What's up?"

"I was... God, this is gonna sound really stupid, but my roommate, Spinner, I told you about him."

"Ah yes,the elusive Spinner Mason. What about him?"

"Uh... well, he wanted to meet you, I don't know, maybe we can have dinner or something this week."

Ellie started to chuckle, "What a coincidence."

"Why?"

"My roommate, Marco. You met him before."

"Right."

"Yeah... well, he wanted dinner with you sometime this week too." They both chuckled, "Maybe we can have dinner all together."

Craig chuckled, "That sounds great. It'll get out of the way."

"Definitely." Ellie pulled into her parking space, "So, how about tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good to me." There was a pause, "Are you busy tonight?"

Ellie smirked, "Why?"

"I wanted to show you some new songs I've been working on." He chuckled, "I want to know what you think."

Ellie blushed, "I'm not the greatest judge of music." She snorted silently, finding it fun to tease him.

"You are horrible."

"I'll see you tonight."

"Bye."

_'Cause when that dead moon  
Rises again  
We've no time to start a protocol  
To have us in.  
And when the dog slides,  
Open the door, and where'd she go?  
There's no time, no use to searching for  
The mutts remains._

* * *

As Ellie walked in the door, finding Marco at the kitchen cooking, she smirked, "What are you doing?"

Marco spun around, "I'm trying some recipe my Mom uses all the time. It's like famous or something."

Ellie nodded, "Sweet." She plopped down on a nearby chair, "Turns out Craig and um... his roommate will be coming over tomorrow night for dinner."

"What?!"

"What's wrong?"

"Um... I don't know... it's just I have until tomorrow to get this place clean, since you're such a slob and make a dinner for _four_ people!" He sighed, "Talk about late notice."

Ellie stood up, walking toward the bathroom, "I'll be back later when you've calmed down." She chuckled, thinking a long hot shower was just what the doctor ordered.

_Throw consequence aside  
And the chill aspire, people set alight._

* * *

_And that's it for now. I hope you all still find this interesting and if so, let me know through a review!_


	7. Nature of the Experiment

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or their characters

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or their characters. Same shit, different day.**_

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, folks. I'm back in Chicago and I'm back in school so yeah... BUSY! But I'm posting this because my small ransom was met, thanks guys for following this story. I still hope you all are still reading it and as always, if you have ideas for songs, just let me know. I'll always give it consideration and if it works, I'll give you credit. So, the story continues..._

* * *

"**Nature of the Experiment"; Tokyo Police Club**

Spinner was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. "So, this Marco guy... right?"

Craig was in his bedroom, looking over which shirt to wear, "What about him?"

Spinner walked into the hallway." He's gay, right?"

Craig rolled his eyes." You're point, Mason?"

Spinner shrugged. "I was just making sure I didn't crack any gay jokes."

"You don't usually do, anyway."

Spinner nodded. "Yeah... but you never know." He went back into the bathroom, rinsing his mouth. "Besides, I have to make a good impression."

Craig smirked. "Really?"

Spinner scoffed. "Duh. If I expect Ellie to be perfect, I have to be too, right?"

"I suppose." Craig nodded at his choice, a plain white shirt to pair off with his black slacks. "You almost ready? We gotta be there by eight."

Spinner walked back in to the hallway, leaning on Craig's doorframe. "Yeah, I'll be ready in like fifteen."

Craig nodded. "Cool." As he put on his shoes, he heard Spinner laugh from the hall. "What?"

Spinner shook his head. "Nothing, dude. You just look like you're going to a funeral."

Craig looked down at this ensemble. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing... if you're gonna visit a cemetery." Spinner stopped laughing however when he saw Craig's expression changed from playful to austere. "Um... sorry -"

Craig shook his head, "No, it's cool. I'll change."

"No, man. You look fine. I was just ribbing ya, is all." He walked back into his room, closing the door behind him.

Craig sighed, looking over at his dresser at picture of his parents. He smirked, wondering what kind of person would they see if they looked at him today. With everything that happened all those years ago, losing them both before he was sixteen, one to cancer and one to a car accident, he still missed them everyday. He wondered what they'd think of Spinner or his life as a musician. And more recently, he thought about what they'd think of Ellie. He knew that his mother would love her, and he suspected his father would love her wit. He sighed, taking off his white shirt and throwing on a green one instead.

_We've got our tracks covered  
Thanks to your older brother  
It's not the moonlight that sets me off  
It's not the money that makes me scoff_

Spinner walked out with a simple blue shirt and jeans, "Let's meet the in-laws!"

* * *

Ellie smelled the food cooking in the oven as she walked out of her room. She smirked as she saw Marco running around the kitchen like a chicken with his head cut off, "Would you relax?"

Marco spun around, "Oh good you're here." He shoved a wooden spoon in her face, "Taste this."

"What is it?"

"Just taste it."

Ellie pushed it away. "If you won't tell me what it is, why would you think that I'd put it in my mouth."

Marco rolled his eyes. "It's a pasta sauce I'm working on." He shoved it back in her face, "C'mon..."

"Fine." Ellie tasted it, smiling, "It's good."

"Thank God. I'm not the chef around here."

"Then why did you volunteer to cook?"

Marco shrugged, "I just wanted to be helpful."

Ellie chuckled as she wrapped an apron around her green dress, "Move over." She pulled open the oven door, looking at the lasagna, "Mom's recipe?"

"Of course. I can't cook."

"Wow, I'm really hungry now." She bumped Marco with her hip, looking over the string beans, "You have to stir these before they stick at the bottom." She looked at the time, seeing it was only twenty minutes before Craig and Spinner were to arrive. "Give them five more minutes and then turn the burner really low to keep them warm."

Marco nodded, "What about the lasagna?"

"It should be ready in fifteen minutes. The edges shouldn't be crisp." She shook her head, "And why is everything so high."

"I thought that if it was high, it'll cook faster."

Ellie laughed, "You're Italian, aren't you all suppose to be great cooks?"

"I guess it past over my genes." He looked at the time. "I gotta get dressed, you think you could-"

"Already on it. I'll start making the mix for the cookies." She smirked at Marco alarmed expression, "I knew you'd forget about desert."

Marco threw off his dirty shirt, "Shut up."

_It's my impeccable disorder  
Where I keep on falling for her  
It's not the way my mother talks  
It's not the people that she mocks_

She stirred the mix she made earlier in the day without Marco knowing about. She hummed softly, feeling particularly upbeat. She was happy that Marco wanted to make everything perfect for her tonight, but she couldn't help but feel kinda weird about the whole thing. She liked meeting Craig's friend, even the last time wasn't as nice, but she tried to be optimistic about the whole thing. Without thinking, she snapped a rubber band around her wrist, feeling some of the stress leave. She frowned, hating that tactic was the thing to calm her.

She hated feeling weak, hell-bent to never show that side to Craig. She wanted him to only see the confident Ellie, the one that danced in the middle of the club, with a little persuasion, the one that seemed to be fearless when she wanted to know the truth. She didn't want to be this timid, helpless little girl who hurt herself to make the pain go away. She was ashamed of that part of her more than anything, but she knew that if she wanted something close to real intimacy with Craig, she'd have to release her own insecurities and learn to trust again, Craig and herself.

* * *

Craig and Spinner walked up the path to the building, stopping at the call box. Craig scanned the list until he saw 'Nash/Del Rossi'. He nodded pushing the button, looking over at Spinner. "You didn't have to get flowers."

Spinner shrugged, "I thought I was being nice."

"She's my girlfriend, dude." They both chuckled when the call box came to life.

"Hello?"

Craig recognized Ellie's voice, "Hey... we're here."

"Hey! We're on the top floor, 3E." The door made a buzzing sound, and the guys pushed on through.

Ellie ran out the kitchen, throwing her apron into her bedroom and closing the door. "Marco! They're on their way up!"

Marco walked out of his room, smiling, and "Nice. How do I look?"

Ellie nodded distractingly, "You look great." When she heard them knock, she ran over to the door, brushing her hair from her face. With one final breath, she opened the door, seeing Craig standing before her. "Hey."

Craig smiled as he saw the genuine joy in Ellie's eyes, "Hey you." He leaned over, giving her a peck on the cheek. He moved over, revealing a slightly shorter blond behind him, "And this is -"

Ellie extended her arm, "Nice to meet you -"

"Gavin." There was an awkward silence in the hall, when Spinner cracked a smile, "But you can call me Spinner." He shook her hand, pulling her into a quick hug. He pulled out the bouquet of flowers from his back, "I got these for you."

Ellie blushed. "Thank you." She nudged Craig, "And where are yours?" She chuckled when Craig's face turned a deep shade of red. She rolled her eyes. "Come on in." She walked over to the dining area. "This is where we...uh.. eat."

Craig smirked. "Nice."

Ellie walked them over to the television. "This is where we watch TV."

Spinner chuckled. "I figured that with the TV and all." They all laughed when Marco came out of the back.

He looked over at Craig and Spinner, giving them both a wave. "Hello, again." He shook hands with Craig. "And you must be..."

"Spinner... everyone calls me Spinner."

Marco furrowed his brow, "Why?"

Spinner and Craig exchanged looks, Craig shaking his head. "Don't ask."

Ellie and Marco nodded, smiling politely. There was another awkward moment, all of them looking at one another to start talking. With the beep of the oven, they all looked at each other and chuckled. Ellie ran over to the oven, "I'll get that."

* * *

After a few moments, Marco, Spinner and Craig were all seated at the table, watching Ellie bring over the food. After she placed the lasagna in the center, she took her seat. "Everybody eat up."

Spinner grabbed the basket of bread, passing it over to Craig. Everyone was silent for a moment or two while they made up their plates. Craig took a few glances at Ellie as she tossed the salad a little more, giving her a small smile. He chuckled as he watched her blush. Marco cleared his throat, "So... Craig, Ellie tells me you wrote some new music."

Craig gave Ellie a mock frown, "Yeah. It's still pretty rough though."

Ellie chuckled, "It sounded great to me. I mean... they seemed really different from your other stuff, but they were really good."

Craig looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Ellie looked at Marco and Spinner, realizing she put her foot firmly in her mouth. "Um... I mean they're great, it's just..."

"Just what?" Craig looked slightly more severe than he had before.

Ellie sighed. "Well, you said so yourself that they're still rough, so it really doesn't matter what I think."

Craig shook his head, "Of course it matters. Just tell me!"

Ellie shook nervously, naturally reaching for her wrist, "It's just that... they seem... less edgy."

"What does that mean?"

Ellie shrugged, "I don't know what I'm talking about. Forget I said anything."

Craig grabbed his fork tight enough to make his knuckles white, "Just tell me."

Ellie sighed exasperatedly, "They seem safe... like you're afraid to be daring. Like you're scared."

Marco rolled his eyes, "Oh boy."

_It's the nature of the experiment  
It's the patterns of my temperament  
It's the nature of the experiment  
They're taking me in increments_

Craig felt like he wanted to scream. He couldn't believe that Ellie would just be so blunt to him, in front of everyone. He shook his head, knowing he asked for it, but he couldn't believe her. He dug into the lasagna, relieved it was decent enough to use as a distraction.

Ellie watched Craig eat his food, knowing he was steaming mad. She wanted to apologize, but she figured she'd only it worse. She continued to eat her dinner, hoping that maybe he'd calm down after he ate.

Spinner and Marco both felt the tension at the table. They exchanged glances across the table when the door opened suddenly, "You will never believe the day I had." Everyone turned to see Paige standing in the doorway. Paige looked over at everyone at the table, biting her lip. "Shit, _tonight_ was the dinner party. I thought it was tomorrow."

Ellie smiled, thinking she was never so happy to see Paige in her entire life. "Paige! I'm so glad you were able to make it." She ran over to the door, taking her jacket. "Let me take this for you."

"What the hell are you doing?"

Ellie leaned in whispering, "Me and Craig kinda had a fight like two seconds ago. Wanna have dinner with us?"

"How could pass up on an invitation like that?" She rolled her eyes, "Ellie Nash, I swear... you seem to always get yourself into some drama."

"You're one to talk."

Paige crossed her arms. "You want two people giving you death stares the rest of the night."

Ellie shook her head. "No... I guess not."

Paige looked over at the table, smirking at Craig, "So that's him, huh?"

Ellie nodded gloomily, "Yeah... and now he hates my guts."

Paige chuckled. "He doesn't hate you, hon. Maybe a little pissed, but he hardly hates you."

"How do you know?"

"He's still here, is he not?" Paige nodded all knowingly, "Just give him a minute. It'll be fine."

Ellie smiled, "Thanks." She headed toward the kitchen to grab her a plate when Paige grabbed her arm, "What?"

Paige bit her lip, "Who's the cutie?"

Ellie looked over at Spinner, "Who... Spinner?"

She snorted, "That's his name. Why do they-"

"Apparently you're not supposed to ask." She handed Paige a plate. "You can sit next to me at the head of the table."

"Sweet." Paige walked over to the table, beaming. "Hello, gentlemen. I'm Paige." She stuck her hand out to Craig, "And you must be Craig Manning. Ellie can't stop talking about you."

Ellie elbowed her, "_Paige_."

Paige winked. "Trust me, okay?"

Ellie looked confused but noticed that Craig smirked slightly at her, making her feel a wave of butterflies erupt in her stomach. "All the time, huh?"

Paige nodded, "Oh God, yeah. She doesn't stop gabbing about you. Craig said this... Craig did that... It's nauseating." She grabbed a piece of bread from Spinner's plate, "Get I have that?"

Spinner chuckled, "You kinda already took it."

"I'll take that as a yes." She giggled as she looked over at Marco. "Ohmigosh, I forgot to tell you about my horrible day." She rolled her eyes dramatically, "So you know that horrible Heather Sinclair that works in the art department, you know, with that ghastly nose job?"

Marco snorted, "Of course. You never stop telling us how bad she is."

Paige nodded, "Well, you will not believe what that bitch did today."

Paige continued to chat to Spinner and Marco animatedly while Craig looked over at Ellie. He couldn't believe what a jerk he was to Ellie earlier. So she was speaking her mind, wasn't that one of the things he loved most about her? Wait..._love_? He blinked, _Do I love her?_ He watched her smile, finding her laugh to make him want to melt in his chair. He wasn't sure that he did in fact love her, but he wanted to be around when he was.

Ellie took a moment to look over at Craig, hoping that he wasn't still sore at her from her outburst earlier. She just wanted to tell him how she felt and what she ended up doing was hurting him. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. He had brought her so much joy in the last three weeks, more than anyone had in a long time. She cherished every moment she spent with him and thinking that she could ever cause him harm scared her. But as Craig turned to her, giving her an easy smile, she felt herself blush, returning the gesture.

_We're halfway up the bracket  
The rain comes through my jacket  
It's not the stones inside my shoes  
It's not the risk of what's to lose_

Paige laughed, "And than she said that _I _was the one who called the model a cow!" She sighed, "So no I have to like kiss ass to the skinny little bitch model for the next two weeks since she signed a deal with Miranda for this new ad campaign that supposed to launch in a month."

Spinner nodded, "That sucks."

Paige scoffed, "And blows." They both chuckled, "So... you're in the music biz too?"

Spinner shook his head. "I used to play the drums."

Paige laughed, "No kidding. So does Ellie."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Terribly. I could never keep the beat to save my life."

Paige waved her off, "Whatever, hon. She knows enough about music to supplement for that. Plus, she plays guitar too."

Ellie blushed as she saw Craig smirk, "You play guitar?"

"Not really... I mean.. I dabble."

Marco rolled his eyes. "Oh please, she was like the resident Goth chick in high school."

Spinner chuckled, "You wore black and everything."

Paige snorted, "God, yeah. She had all the piercings and fishnet stockings galore."

Craig smirked, "Why the change?"

Ellie blushed, "I figured I could use some color in my life... like dark browns and dark greens and grays..." She chuckled, "The closest colors to my beloved black."

Paige shook her head, "I always beg her to wear like girl colors like pink or blue or yellow -"

Marco snorted, "She rather wear burlap."

Ellie laughed, "I think I might've worn burlap to get out of wearing anything remotely yellow."

Spinner looked over at Ellie. "I think you'd look nice in yellow." There was a silence on the table, where Ellie gave him a confused look and everybody else seemed to be holding their breath. Spinner stammered, "I mean... if you had to."

Ellie smiled, "Not in this life." Everyone else seemed to laugh it off, drinking more wine and enjoying each other's company.

_It's an ancient Russian proverb  
But I doubt it's ones that you've heard  
It's not the cracks beneath the floor  
It's not the fact that it's a chore_

* * *

Paige was sitting between Marco and Spinner, giggling loudly, "That does not look like anything."

Ellie was standing next to an easel, where she was pointing at her picture, "C'mon, Paige. We only have twenty seconds."

"I can't see what that is... it looks like a turtle with a shoe on..."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "C'mon, Paige. It's so simple."

Marco squinted, "I can't figure it out either."

Craig looked at his watch, "Ten seconds!"

Ellie screamed, "Paige, hurry!"

"I don't know what it is -"

"Time!" Craig stood up, pointing for Ellie to sit down. He chuckled looking at the drawing, "Was it supposed to be a baby carriage?"

"Yes!" Ellie shook her head, "How come you couldn't figure that out, Paige?"

"Um.. I don't know... maybe I'm not all in that weird ESP thing you and Craig have."

Craig blushed slightly, taking the marker from Ellie and handing it to Marco, "You're turn, man."

* * *

Craig and Spinner were getting their jackets and scarves back on, heading toward the door. Ellie looked at the time, seeing it was nearly two in the morning. They had played six rounds of Pictionary, and a rousing game of UNO, filled with laughter and good cheer. Ellie couldn't remember when she laughed as much as she did that night. Paige had settled on the couch, drifting off to sleep when her cell rang. "Hello?" She nodded. "Yeah, I'm on my way home."

Spinner smirked, "Boyfriend checking up on you?"

Paige shook her head, "Girlfriend, actually. Alex said 'Hi' to everybody." She grabbed her jacket, giving hugs all around. "See you crazy kids around." She winked at Ellie, giving her an extra squeeze, "You owe me."

Ellie chuckled, "I know." With that, she walked out the door, living the room slightly less bright.

Marco nudged Ellie, whispering, "Who'd think Paige would livin' up the party."

Ellie scoffed, "It's her specialty." She watched as Craig and Spinner heading toward the door, walking toward them. "Thanks for coming."

Spinner nodded. "Yeah, it was fun." He patted Marco on the back, "Now I can say I have a gay friend."

Everyone was silent, trying to absorb his statement, when Craig nudged him, "Real smooth, Spin."

Marco chuckled, "It's okay... I like being your first." He gave Spinner a wink, laughing when he saw him recoil. "Take it easy, man. I'm spoken for already."

Spinner chuckled nervously, "Right..." He checked his watch, "Look at the time... guess we better get going." He pulled Craig to the door.

Craig handed him his keys, "I'll be there in a minute. You can start the car." He turned around to Ellie, who smirked.

Marco yawned exaggeratedly, "I think the bed is calling my name. See you in the morning, Elle." He smirked at Craig, "Maybe you too, Craig."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Goodnight, Marco." They watched him and Spinner go their separate ways, sighing when they were finally alone. "That was..."

"Weird... Awkward..."

Ellie shrugged, "And really fun." She walked into his arms, hearing him laugh. "I'm really glad you came over."

Craig nodded, "Yeah, it was a lot of fun."

Ellie took his hand, taking him outside to the small terrace outside. Craig looked around, "Wow... this is awesome."

"Yeah... it's the reason why we got it." She walked him over to the couch where a blanket was. Craig sat down as Ellie sat on his lap, wrapping the blanket around them both. She sighed contently, "So... about your music..."

"Don't worry about it." He chuckled, "You're right. I think I might have lost my edge."

Ellie sat up, "You didn't lose it, you just... you just have to tweak them a bit." She turned around, "At its core, they're amazing as usual." She saw him blush, leaning into him more, "You just have to let go of whatever is holding you back."

Craig considered what she said, thinking that he might let go of something that maybe holding him back, in his music and with them. "I like you."

Ellie smiled against his chest, closing her eyes, "I like you too."

_It's the nature of the experiment  
It's the patterns of my temperament  
It's the nature of the experiment  
They're taking me in increments_

* * *

_And that's it for now. I know the song choice is weird, but I chose it for 1. Tokyo Police Club rock hard. 2. They're from Toronto and 3. I thought it was a good song to involve Paige in the mix of the party, since she did bring the life to it. At any rate, I hope you liked it and as always, please review!_


	8. Naked As We Came

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Not at all. **_

_A/N: Okay... I'm gonna try to make up for the lack of chapters recently. So... without further adieu, the next chapter._

* * *

"**Naked As We Came"; Iron & Wine**

Craig felt the softness of a pillow under his head, sniffing the air for any familiarity of his surroundings. He perked up slightly, feeling the slight shift in the bed, seeing a hint of red near his chest. He slid his fingers through her mane, having a sensory overload as he smelled the soft scent of coconut. He sighed contently, hearing the soft breathing of Ellie next to ear. He closed his eyes, trying to remember every touch, every smile, every giggle, every kiss she gave him, knowing that with every breath she took beside him, he wanted to be there for every one after.

* * *

_Craig wrapped Ellie closer to him under the blanket on her terrace. He watched the city of Toronto move below, enraptured by its beauty and hers. She seemed to fit in his arms so perfectly, the contours of her skin and how her hair seemed to catch the stars and moon above overwhelmed him. "Hey."_

_Ellie looked up, smiling sweetly, "Hey."_

"_Are you cold? We can go back inside." Craig tried to wrapped the blanket around her more than him, still in his jacket, when he felt Ellie lean in closer._

"_I'm fine right here." She wrapped her arms around him, finding a spot that was made just for her in the crock of his neck. "Is that okay?"_

_Craig nodded, kissing his head, "I guess it has to be. You have a death grip on my neck." He smirked when he heard Ellie chuckle._

"_You know you like it." She smirked at him, sending heat through Craig's veins. God, did he want her. He smiled, tickling her side. She laughed out loud, "Stop it!"_

"_I'm afraid it's out of my control. When I'm in cold climates, I can't control them!"_

"_Stop... Craig." She kept wiggling when she fell off the couch, landing in a fit of giggles. "I hate you."_

_Craig sat down next to her on the ground, tucking a fallen strand behind her ear, "You're so beautiful." He watched Ellie blush, smirking, "How can you not know that?"_

_Ellie shrugged. "Who said I didn't?" She chuckled, "It's just nice being reminded from time to time."_

_Craig rolled his eyes dramatically, "If I knew you were so vain I wouldn't have said anything." He laughed when Ellie tackled him with her elbow. He grabbed her, pulling her into a haste kiss. Without pulling away, Ellie deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around him. They spotted eventually, gasping for air. "Sorry... I just -"_

"_Me too." She smiled. "You wanna go inside?"_

"_What about Marco?"_

_She shrugged. "Marco could sleep through an atomic bomb... don't worry about it." She took his hand, "I can finally finish the tour." They both chuckled as they walked hand in hand toward the door. _

_As they left the terrace, Marco was walking out of his room, putting on his jacket. "Hey."_

_Ellie furrowed her brow, "Where you going?"_

_Marco shrugged, "Felipe wanted me to come over."_

_Ellie snorted, "It's two in the morning."_

"_Yeah... I'll see you two in the morning." Marco grabbed his keys, "Did Spinner get home alright?"_

_Craig eyes widened, "Spinner... shit!" He grabbed his cell, dialing his number, "Hey... Spinner?" He paced around the room, "Dude... I'm so -" He paused, "Oh, you went home already. Cool. Sorry, dude." He chuckled, "Yeah, see you tomorrow."_

_Marco smiled, "Guess I'll see you kids in the morning." With that, he walked out the door._

_Ellie turned to Craig, walking and taking his hand, "I guess we really are alone, eh?"_

"_Yup.. guess so." He lifted Ellie in the air, throwing her over her shoulder, "Come Ellie... we make bump-bump!"_

_She snorted as she hit him playfully, "Oh, I love your sexy talk."_

* * *

Craig watched her smile in her sleep, certain he never wanted anything more in his life. He smirked when he saw her stir, closing his eyes. He felt her nudge him, chuckling, "I know you're awake."

"No I'm not." He grinned when she nudged him harder, "Hey! Take it easy, Nash. You weren't even this frisky last night."

Ellie gave him a seductive smirk, "I'm always a little more in the morning." She laughed, covering every corner of her room with the glow that seemed to radiate even the depths of his soul. As she climbed on top of him, wrapped like a mummy in her sheet, she kissed his nose, "Morning."

He brought his arms around her waist, nuzzling his nose with hers, "Morning." He knew how cheesy it all seemed to outsiders what they were doing in the confines of her room, but for Craig, waking up every morning with her eyes looking at him seemed to make waking up worthwhile.

_She says wake up, it's no use pretending  
I'll keep stealing breathing her  
Birds are leaving over Autumn's ending  
One of us will die inside these arms_

Ellie rolled off the bed, still holding her sheet, "You hungry?"

Craig laid back with his arms behind his back, showing off his chest hair, "Yeah, sorta."

Ellie looked back, blushing as he looked at her across the room, "I have to brush my teeth." She closed the bathroom door, leaving him alone with his thoughts. As he tried to remember what she looked like under the sheet, she opened the door again, tossing something at him.

Craig looked down, seeing a blue toothbrush, "What's -"

Ellie shrugged, "I bought one for you when I bought my new one last week." She closed the door again, as if her statement was as natural as anything else.

Craig looked down at the little bit of plastic, twirling it in his hands, finding the light catching the color of it and making small blue circles along the covers. He smiled, walking across the room. He opened the door, walking on Ellie brushing her teeth. "Move over."

She obliged, "I didn't know what color to get you."

He dabbed some toothpaste on the brush, scrubbing his teeth, "It's perfect." He gave her a peck on the cheek, leaving toothpaste on it.

"Nice." She wiped it off, hitting him on his arm. "I think there's some cookies left over from last night." As she walked from the bathroom out into the apartment, he watched her, knowing that this was the most natural thing in the world.

_Eyes wide open  
Naked as we came  
One will spread our  
Ashes round the yard_

* * *

Ellie sat on the stool, trying not to shake like a leaf from the cold of the room. She was wearing her U of T shirt, which went to her knees, feeling comfortable in the early Sunday morning. She looked at the clock, seeing it was only ten after seven, wondering why she wasn't still in bed. She smiled when she saw the final drop of coffee fall into the pot, grabbing the pot and pouring for two. She couldn't remember when she poured for two besides for Marco or the mornings Paige and Alex crashed there. She had her relationships, some fonder than others, but she didn't seem to notice the coffee being made or the quiet moments in the morning when the whole world seemed to disappear outside of the two of them. With Craig, the whole world always seemed to fade away, and wasn't eager to come back to life again. She could still feel his eyes, his hands, his throaty moans all over, willing herself not to relive them before her first mug of brew.

Craig stepped out of her room, grabbing the other mug and sitting next to her, "So..."

Ellie nodded, "So..." She grabbed a cookie, "Breakfast?"

"Sounds good." He munched on it, getting off the stool and heading back to the bedroom. He gave Ellie a kiss on the cheek, "I have to get going."

She spun around, giving him her best pout, "Why?"

Craig shrugged, "I need clean clothes."

Ellie walked over to him, "I like your smelly clothes." She walked into his arms, sniffing his shirt, "They smell like you."

He looked down at her, wishing he could tell her why he had to go: to feed his disorder, to continue his flaw, to surpass his demons. He shrugged, "I can come right back."

Ellie smiled, "Really?"

"Yeah... I just need to grab some fresh undies and some socks." He sniffed his shirt, "Maybe another shirt too."

"I guess that's okay." She crossed her arms, waling over to the door, "I guess I'll see you in a little while."

Craig nodded, "Yeah..." He kissed her gently, "I'll be back in an hour."

She looked up at him, not wanting to let him go. She hadn't felt so close to anyone, fearing that if he left, it'd all be a dream. She sighed, "Okay." As she close the door behind him, she walked back into her room, falling into her bed that was covered with her memories, soaked in his scent and drenched with his laughter. She looked down at her wrist, seeing the fading bruises and allowing her eyes to travel to other tattoos she hated everyday, but wore as reminders of her journey she's made. Every cut was a breath of fresh air, every slash was a footprint of freedom, every drop of blood was a tear screaming to fall, and every scar was a entry to the story of her past, a past she wanted to erase but refused to forget.

_She says if I leave before you darling  
Don't you waste me in the ground  
I lay smiling like our sleeping children  
One of us will die inside these arms_

She wanted Craig to see her scars, look at her bruises, understand them and hopefully understand her. She wanted to share the most private part of her life only few knew about. She hated that she needed to hide them from others, knowing that others weren't open-minded enough to accept them, accept her. She hated everyday that Craig didn't know about them, feeling as if she was living a lie, never truly letting herself show. The way she felt for Craig became more clear with every moment they were together, knowing that he was someone she wanted to be with for the long haul, terrified of that fact. So as she flipped over, burying her face in his pillow, she allowed her olfactory scenes indulge themselves.

* * *

Craig walked up the stairs, opening the door to Spinner on the couch. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to get some clean clothes."

"Nice." He turned around, "So...?"

Craig chuckled, "Sorry, no details."

"Oh... c'mon! You have to give me something, dude. I mean, Ellie is..."

Craig folded his arms, "She's what?"

Spinner chuckled, "Awesome... and hot and funny, dude... I think I'm in love with her." He walked over to him, "You've gotta lock that down, man."

Craig shook his head, "Don't worry. I think it's pretty much solid." He headed into the bathroom, opening up the medicine cabinet.

Spinner poked his head in, "You tell her about your multi-colored pals yet?"

"Spinner..."

Spinner put his hands up defensively, "All I'm saying is you've gotta tell her sometime."

Craig rolled his eyes, "I'm aware. We went over this. I know I have to tell her, it's just... everything is perfect right now."

"So you're gonna tell her when everything is fucked up, when ya'll screaming at each other, hating each other... you can't just wait for the right time. There's never a right time, dude."

Craig scoffed, "What the hell do you know?" He pushed Spinner aside, heading into his bedroom.

Spinner followed, pushing him back, "Hey man! I know plenty. I know what's it's like to be afraid of losing something so unbelievably awesome that you're paralyzed... scared to do anything until its too late."

Craig shook his head, "But it's different."

"How?"

Craig turned around, feeling his eyes swell slightly, "She... um... she cuts." He sighed, "Well... cut."

Spinner looked confused, "What do you mean?"

"She used to cut herself." He motioned to his arm, "You know... I saw them... last night." He sat on his bed, "They were tens of them on her arms. They seemed old, but they... you know... they were still there... the scars."

"Dude..."

"Yeah, I know." Craig shook his head, "I never want to cause her that kind of pain... ever."

Spinner nodded. "Than that's all the more reason to tell her as soon as you can."

Craig stood up, "You don't get it. If I told her that... that I could snap at any minute, that I could lose control... she could... I don't know, get scared. She'd be afraid of me." He chuckled, "And God, Spinner. If you saw the... love she had in her eyes when she looked at me this morning. It nearly broke my heart." He stuffed his belonging in his messenger bag, grabbing his guitar, "I can't put that kind of pressure on her."

"Right... so lying is way better."

Craig walked toward the door, opening it while giving Spinner one final glance. "Ignorance is bliss, man. What she doesn't know, the better." With that, he walked out the door.

Spinner plopped down on the couch again, shaking his head. "That's not the dumbest idea ever."

_Eyes wide open  
Naked as we came  
One will spread our  
Ashes round the yard_

* * *

Craig walked up to Ellie's apartment building, seeing someone walking up the stairs. He walked past them, heading up when he saw Ellie talking out the trash down the hall. She smirked as she walked toward him, "That was fast."

Craig shrugged, "What can I say? I wanted to see you sooner."

Ellie pulled him by the hand, "Marco called. He said he's gonna be at Felipe's for the rest of the weekend." She chuckled, "I figured we could leave off where we started."

Craig squeezed her hand, following her into the glowing room she seemed to outshine, "Sounds good."

* * *

_And that's it for now. I know you may not have liked Craig in this chapter, and you may not like him in the following chapters either. Hopefully, this story is finally taking shape, and I hope you all will read to see the end. I promise, the song selections and the plot only get better._

_As always, PLEASE REVIEW!! _


	9. Naive

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I like things that way.**_

_A/N: I'm so sorry about not updating this story in forever. I have an ending, I just got distracted along the way. There should be about another six or seven chapters left, and this one is where the conflict starts to occur. Also, after this story is concluded I have another songfiction I'll publish. It will be uploaded immediately following that one. Honestly, I'm more excited about that story, but I want to give this story just as good as an ending. Again, I'm so sorry. Updates will be coming more frequently._

* * *

"**Naïve"; The Kooks **

Craig looked at the window, watching the rain pour in droves as it attacked the window. The wind was blowing from the north, knowing that it wold be bring more bitter cold for the next few weeks. He looked over at the counter, seeing his medication bottles, lined up as if being prepped for the frontline. He hated them, he despised them, but most of all, he was under their power. He knew that he could never break free from the hold that they had over him, he was a victim of too many ill-fated chromosomes in a defective gene pool. He had to deal with it on his own terms, but he had something else now, something that he have to face head-on eventually. He knew he couldn't keep what he held so secluded from his lifestyle that way any longer. It was only a matter of time until the truth came undone. He was just afraid that it would be his relationship that might take that blow.

He walked out into the kitchen, seeing Spinner watching television. He looked at the counter again, seeing their labels, as if they were in code, a code to continue to tell him the failure he was, a code to only defeat any recovery he might have made, any hope that he could have at a normal life. He wanted to laugh at all the therapists and counselors he'd spoken to over the years, always making the case that the medication was the best thing for him. He admitted that he didn't feel bad when he took them, but in truth, he stopped feeling at all. His music suffered drastically under the prescription drugs, lacking the raw angst and bite that his earlier work in high school had. He seemed to be losing steam over the course of being medicated and he found it more difficult to be the person he was before the diagnosis. He liked who he was, when he was angry. He seemed to be able to connect to people easier and seemed more in tune to his thoughts. But all of that stopped when he started his treatment. That was what was so exciting about Ellie. She seemed to awaken the hollow crevices that seemed to be abandoned, lighting the dark corners of his mind and exposing his innermost thoughts. He wanted to show Ellie who he was, but he knew he could never be the person he wanted and needed to be for her if he was still weighted down by Mr. And Mrs. No-Feel. Without a moment's warning, he swept his arm across the table, sending every translucent solider into the trash bin.

* * *

**THREE DAYS LATER: **

Ellie watched as the rain fell with rebellion, sending the trees into a frenzy as the wind abused their fragile branches. Watching the swaggering limbs, the flashing of the lights and the flickering of the lamp beside her only made her nerves that more shaken. The storm had been off and on for several days, only making the rain that more intense. Craig hadn't been around much since the storm started, making travel difficult. But as they days passed, he neglected to call, only leaving with the memories of their last time spent together when he stayed there nearly a week. He had spent most of that week with her, either in bed or on the couch or down at the university. Ellie had decided that she wanted to enroll in some more classes, more in the journalism department that she had enjoyed so much earlier in her college years but stayed away because of her lack of confidence. Craig seemed more encouraging than ever with her motivation to get back out there, but she felt that he seemed distant. She was fearful that they had rushed into a physical relationship, aware that it would eventually happen, but she wasn't sure how he felt about certain things. She wanted him to open up, but repelled the thought of being clingy. She understood more than anyone the need to have your own space, but she only feared that he might be doing what he always did with all other women.

She tried not to think about what that bartender said weeks before, how Craig tended to distant himself after a certain point with a woman, but she wasn't just when that point had even occurred, wondering if she had the power to stop it from happening. She tried to talk to Marco about, but all he said was talk to Craig about it. She shook her head, knowing bringing the subject up would only magnify and motivate him to distant himself more. She felt so helpless, desperately wanting to know what she did wrong. She watched Marco walk across the room, pulling down the dictionary. He looked over at Ellie, rolling his eyes. "Are you still mopping around?"

"No." Ellie proceeded to wrap a green blanket. "Shut up."

"Look, I know it's none of my business --"

"Exactly, so stop before --"

Marco took a seat next to her by the window. "But you're obviously in pain. Just tell him what's going on with you. If you want him to open up, be the first one to."

Ellie continued to look out of the window. "You don't get it. Craig... he'll go away even further. He'll see me trying to open up and he'll clam up more."

"Than don't let him." Marco took Ellie's hand, tracing small circles on the back of it. "Show him you want you two to work. If he can't handle it now, than maybe you should take this as a sign."

Ellie snatched her hand back. "That's the point! I know he might not be able to handle it."

"So is this gonna be th new Ellie, than? Mopping around, watching thunderstorms and crying 'Woe is me.'? If that's the case, I'll move out."

"Don't be ridiculous." She bundled up more, watching Marco looking further unmoved. "What?"

Marco sighed. "You have your demons. I'm sure Craig has his own demons. Being in a relationship means breaking down those boundaries and allowing one another heal those demons. And what you're doing, what you're allowing him to do to you, all you're creating are more problems." He shrugged. "It you're life, babe. But you need to figure out if this 'relationship' is something you want to be a part of."

Ellie tried to avoid his eyes, feeling the tears threating to fall. He was right. Marco was always right, one of the things she consisting loved and hated about him. She knew she had to open up to him eventually, tell him what she wanted and needed, but how could she when she didn't even know where she said. She watched as the rain lessen outside, seeing the wind ease its intensity. She threw off her blanket, heading into her bedroom. "I'm going for a walk."

* * *

Craig was holding his guitar, fiddling with several chords as he wrote feverishly on a nearby notepad. He drank some more coffee as Spinner walked past. "Do you think you should drink more coffee, man? You've been up all day. It's almost midnight."

Craig turned around. "I know. But I think I finally found the chord I've been looking for. I just... it has to be perfect." He continued to play some more, scratching out several lines on his notepad.

Spinner shook his head as he walked toward the refrigerator. "Hey, dude. We're out of food."

"I know."

"Yeah... than why didn't you get more?"

"I don't know. Kinda busy."

Spinner slammed the door. "What's your damage, Manning?"

Craig turned around, looking startled. "What's _your_ damage, Mason? I'm not the one slamming doors and shit."

"No, but you're the douche who didn't buy any food and has been here laying around, writing whatever chicken scratch over there for like a week." He shook his head. "Just go get some food, man."

The sound of the buzzer filled the small apartment. Spinner walked to the call box. "Who the hell could be here at this hour? Yeah?"

Some static was heard before a small voice came through. "Hey. It's me. Ellie. Is Craig there?"

Craig jumped up, racing to the door. "I'll meet her down there." He grabbed his jacket, running through the door.

Spinner sighed. "He's on his way down, El." Tuning off th call box, he grabbed the last bag of chips, cleaning off the counter and heading back into his room.

Ellie fidgeted from the cold when she saw Craig run through the door. "Ellie!"

"Hey." She smiled wide when he lifted her in the air. She giggled. "Put me down, Craig."

"I haven't seen you in forever. I missed you." He put her down, giving her a kiss. "Mm... you even taste good."

Ellie smirked. "You could have called, you know."

"I was busy. I've been writing like a mad man. I wrote four new songs and they're awesome and I can't wait for you to hear them but they're not ready yet." He shook slightly from the cold. "It's freezing out here."

Ellie watched Craig bounce around, thinking he did resemble a mad man. His eyes were ablaze, slightly red around the rims and his hair seemed less unkempt. He was shaking from the cold, but he seemed more shaken for some reason. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm awesome. Why?" He folded his arms, trying to hide his shakes.

"You don't look too hot. Have you slept?" She brushed a curl from his face, seeing his pupils were dilated.

"That's mean to say. I'd say you look amazing." He wrapped his arms around Ellie, smelling her hair. "I've missed you." He started nibbling her ear, causing Ellie to shake slightly.

"Craig... stop." She closed her eyes as he gradually kissed her neck, tracing kisses up her jawline, finding her lips. They continued to kiss when Craig took her hand, taking her hand. "C'mon. There's this little cove over here where we can make out."

Ellie pulled her hand back. "I'm not going to some 'cove' to make out with you." She crossed her arms. "What is wrong with you?"

Craig stood up straighter. "Why must there be something wrong with me? Spinner's on my ass about not buying groceries. Now you too!"

Ellie involuntarily moved back, slightly frightened. "Craig... what's going on? You can talk to me."

Craig moved closer to her. "I want to be with you. I want to hold you. And you won't let me."

Ellie didn't know where all this was coming from. "Did something happen?"

Craig tried not to scream. "Nothing happened, Ellie. I'm fine."

"You're clearly not. You're shaking." She moved closer to him. "When was the last time you slept?"

Craig moved backwards. "Why does it matter? I'm fine."

"Stop saying that. You're not fine. You look bad." She tried to take hold of his hand. "Talk to me."

"Go home, Ellie. Leave me alone." Craig started walking to the building.

"Craig... don't do this." Ellie began to tremble, watching as he walked away.

Craig turned around. "Stay away from me." He proceeded to walk inside, leaving Ellie cry in the vacant parking lot.

* * *

Craig slammed the door of the building, falling back against it. He could hear Ellie crying in the silence of the night, hating himself. He slammed his fist on his head. "You're so stupid, Craig." He proceeded to hit himself more, wishing he could go back and talk to her, tell her why he was this way and tell her he was because of her.

_I'm not saying it's your fault  
Although you could have done more  
Oh you're so naive yet so  
How could this been done  
By such a smiling sweetheart._

He knew it couldn't just be said, but he knew that he only did this so he could be the person he used to be. He was writing like he hadn't in years, finding inspiration in everything and wanting to hold onto it. He heard Ellie start her car, driving down the street. He wanted to race after her, but what could he do. He told her to stay away from him, like an idiot. He only did this so they could be closer together, but she was so scared of him. She looked frightened when he tried to get near her. She knew something was wrong, but couldn't she see it was her that was making all of this happen.

_Ohh and your sweet and pretty face  
In such an ugly world  
Something so beautiful.  
Ohh that every time I look inside_

Ellie drove down the street, feeling her chest cave in with every new round of tears. She wanted to much to drive back around, slap Craig in the face and make him tell her what was going on with him. He looked so different, so shaken and scared, but there was something boiling under the surface that seemed alien, seemed almost demonic in his eyes. He looked possessed, which was ridiculous, but she didn't know any other word do describe the cold glare when she rejected him. She wasn't trying to reject him, she just wanted to know what was happening. She hadn't seen him in over a week and all he wanted to do was make out. She found herself chuckling, remembering him run to her as if she was the answer to all his problems. Again, she felt the cold stab of guilt in the pit of her stomach, hating herself for blocking Craig. She was doing the very thing she didn't want him to do to her. He just wanted to be intimate with her, something she missed most about the past week. At the red light, she took a moment to callback the touch of his lips on her neck, the smell of his jacket, the tingling sensation that his hands brought to her arms.

She felt another round of tears forming, believing that he might have destroyed the chance of that every happening again. She wanted so much to be with him, and before her better judgment took over, she turned the car around.

_I know, she knows that I'm not fond of asking  
True or false, it may be... Well, she's still out to get me.  
And I know, she knows that I'm not fond of asking  
True or false, it may be... She's still out to get me!_

* * *

Ellie rang the buzzer again, when Spinner came down the stairs. She was surprised that he wasn't surprised to see her. "Hey."

Spinner came out, taking a seat on the stoop. "Sit down, El."

Ellie obeyed, not sure what was going on. "Spinner--"

"Craig's not doing well, okay?" He continued to look forward, avoiding her eyes.

"Spinner, what the hell is going on? Is he alright? Is he hurt? Why doesn't he want to talk to me?"

Spinner sighed. "I can't tell you. That's up to him."

Ellie stood up. "What's up to him? Why am I being shut out? I didn't do anything wrong!"

Spinner looked up at her sympathetically. "I know you didn't." He rubbed his eyes on his sleeve. "Craig... Craig is going through something right now. I'm not sure what, but I have an idea what it is."

Ellie sat back down next to Spinner. "What is it than? I can help him. Just tell me." She looked pleadingly into his eyes. "Please?"

_I may say it was your fault  
Because i know you could have done more  
Oh you're so naive yet so  
How could this be done  
By such a smiling sweetheart.  
Ohh and your sweet and pretty face  
In such an ugly world  
Something so beautiful.  
That every time I look inside_

Spinner shook his head. "I came down here to tell you that it would be best to stay away from Craig. He's not well and until he is, I don't think you should see him like that."

Ellie shook her fists. "Why won't you tell me what's happening? I care about Craig. I --"

Spinner nodded. "I know you do. I care about him too. That's why I know it's best for you to leave him alone for a while."

Ellie stood up again. "Look, I'm not going anywhere until I find out what the hell is wrong with him."

Spinner stood up as well, looking at Ellie. "It's not my place to tell you that."

"But you're willing to tell me to stay away from him. That makes no sense at all."

"Yes it does."

"Explain it to me than. How can you tell me to stay away from Craig and not tell me why?"

Spinner turned away, avoiding her eyes again. "Because..."

Ellie turned him around. "Because why?"

"Because he's bi-polar!" There was a cold wind, blowing the the words into the atmosphere, as if they never existed.

"What?"

Spinner looked at Ellie as if the words gave him physical pain to utter. "He's bi-polar. He was diagnosed when we were in high school." He took a seat back at the stoop. "He's been on medication since and once in a while, he will go on these banges where he stops talking them. I can usually get him to get back on them, but I'm not sure how long he's been off them. He usually goes through these withdraws, eating everything in sight and not sleeping for days." He looked over at Ellie again, seeing no change in her facade. "He's still up there, writing and eating and not sleeping and he's not in a good way. So until he's better, I need for you to just stay away from him. For your own safety."

Ellie hadn't said much, trying to soak it all in. "Has this happened with other girls?"

Spinner chuckled. "Oh yeah. Most of them run for the hills when they hear about it. I'll expect you to do the same thing, I suppose." He sighed, standing up and heading toward the door.

Ellie stayed seated, not sure what to do. She sighed. "I'm not going away."

Spinner rolled his eyes. "Ellie--"

"I'm messed up too. I have my own demons in my closet, roaming around under the surface. I can't just walk away as if I don't know what he's going through. If anything, he needs me the most now." She crossed her arms. "I'm not going anywhere."

Spinner watched as she stood up. "You love him, don't you?"

Ellie chuckled more or less to herself. "I think I do. He's so..."

"Yeah, I know." He shook his head. "With Craig in the world, it's a wonder why any other guys can have a shot with women."

Ellie approached Spinner cautiously, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You're a good friend."

Spinner shrugged. "He was my only friend when we grew up. He was always there for me without a second thought. I guess this is my way of showing my appreciation."

Ellie inched closer to the door. "Can I come up?"

Spinner pulled the door open. "I think he needs you."

As they walked toward the door, Ellie looked at Spinner. "Is it silly that I'm nervous?"

Spinner chuckled. "That makes two of us."

_Just don't let me down  
Just don't let me down  
Hold on to your kite  
Just don't let me down  
Just don't let me down  
Hold on to your kite  
Just don't let me down  
Just don't let me down  
Hold on to this kite  
Just don't let me down_

They both walked in, seeing Craig sprawled on the floor with his guitar in his hands, papers scattered everywhere and a fiery glare in his eyes. "Ellie?"

* * *

_Okay.... that's it for now. I hope you liked the song choice and more good music and drama is ahead. _

_As always, please review!!!_


	10. Easier to Lie

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I own these songs though... sorta. **_

_A/N: I'm will finish this story. No worries, y'all! So yeah.... here's some more! Also, I want to give big kudos to Simply Sarah for the song choice. I had thought about using another song, but this one just seemed to fit. Thanks, love. Now, go ahead and read. _

* * *

"**Easier to Lie"; Aqualung **

Craig watched as Ellie took her coat off, handing it to Spinner. He could see the light from the lamp playing tricks in her hair, making each strand glisten. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling lightheaded as he felt her nearly him. Before she touched him, he pulled away, as if all his senses were heightened. I wanted to touch again, ached for her touch, but he didn't want to contaminate her, didn't want to cause her more pain than he already had. "I thought I told you to go away."

Ellie recoiled slightly as she sat next to Craig on the floor. She picked up a piece of paper, trying to decipher what was written, but they all seemed to be written in a foreign language, all disjointed and shorthand. She felt her bottom lip tremble, but tried to breathe through his nose. She couldn't break, not in front of him. She needed to be strong, needed him to see she could handle this. As if on cue, her forearm began to itch. She ignored it, trying to focus on Craig, but itching only increased. She finally scratched it, feeling the old cuts under her fingertips, reminded that she and Craig were the same. "You thought you could rid of me that easily?" She chuckled, but stopped when she saw the shadows of outrage lying under the surface of Craig's pale blue eyes. "You've been writing?"

"I was." He moved over to the couch, attempting to distant himself. "I can't write with you here. You'll ruin my focus."

Ellie tried not to pay attention to the sting that was sent her way, she knew that it wasn't coming from him, but from his condition. She stood up, looking around the apartment. There was crumbs of food all over the floor, clothes spread everywhere and paper on every surface. It looked liked a tornado wiped the whole area, only leaving Craig to his own resources. Ellie shook slightly, flashes of her mother sprawled on the couch after her many drunken rages, calling Ellie to help her get to bed, feed her, clothe her, all the things she was supposed to do for her daughter. Ellie wasn't a stranger to playing the role of caretaker, but for once, she hoped someone could take care of her. She felt the urge to leave Craig than, hating that he did this to himself and wanting so much to rid the sensation of love when she was near him, but she loved him. She loved Craig with every fiber in her being. So she stayed.

_To bear the weight  
and push into the sky  
it's easier to lie  
it's easier to lie_

Spinner came from the hall, broom in hand as he started to sweep the kitchen. "I'm sorry for the mess. He only started this a few hours ago. I just got back from work when the place was looked this." He shrugged. "I was a little preoccupied to clean up."

Ellie nodded. "Has he ever been --"

"Oh yeah. He's been worse. But I haven't seen him this bad in a while." He walked over to the fridge, handing Ellie two bottles of water. "Here. Give him one. He won't drink it, but give it to him anyway. He has to stay hydrated or he can go into shock."

Ellie nodded absentmindedly. "Spinner... how do you--"

Spinner shrugged. "My Dad... he was an alcoholic. I had nights like this with him all the time. It comes second nature after awhile."

Ellie smirked. "My Mom... she was one too." She sighed, holding back the tears. "I can take of him. Just clean up the kitchen and go to bed.

_And honestly  
to look you in the eye  
it's easier to lie  
it's easier to lie_

"Ellie --"

"Spinner... I'll be fine. Like you said. It's second nature." She patted his arm. "Thanks for everything. You're really a good friend."

Spinner chuckled. "He's my best friend. So yeah, I think that says it all." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Here's his doctor's number. He'll be around in the morning. You can usually reach him about five. Until than, try to keep him hydrated and awake."

Ellie nodded. "Okay." Ellie turned around, when Spinner grabbed her arm.

"If I hear anything--"

"You'll stay in your room. I need to do this for him. For us. He needs to know that I'm here for him."

Spinner let go reluctantly. "Fine. But if you need anything--"

"I know where you'll be." Ellie offered a small smile. "Get some sleep." Spinner nodded, heading into his room and closing the door. Ellie looked around, finding Craig on the couch with his guitar in his hands, strumming a few distant chords. She knew that they were finally alone, and she was scared. Not scared of him, but what could happen. She took a seat on a easy chair next to him. "Hey."

Craig looked up, showing a trace of a smile on his face. "Hey." He patted the seat next to him. "I want you to hear something."

_To be the one  
to be the only one  
something has to give a lot  
something has to give a lot_

Ellie moved slowly over to him, handing him the bottle of water. "Drink this."

Craig pushed it away. "Not now. I want you to hear this first." He started to play a song in A flat, first strumming slowly, proceeding to quicken the pace. His hair went into a wild frenzy of curls and his arm started to shake when he strummed a minor chord. "Shit! I fucked it up!"

Ellie touched his arm. "It was great." She rubbed his arm lovingly, a feeble attempt of trying to calm him. "It was really great."

"Really?" Craig looked into her eyes expectantly, as if she was telling him that the Easter bunny really did exist. "You liked it?"

Ellie felt a lump in her throat, desperately trying to escape but held it back. "It was wonderful."

_And who am I  
to give you what you need  
when I'm learning  
just learning  
Learning how to live and_

Craig tossed his guitar on the floor, lunging at Ellie as their lips crashed into each other. Ellie resisted slightly, but her body reacted and as she opened her mouth more, inviting Craig to enter, he pushed her back on the couch. She felt his body reacting more when she pushed him back. "Craig."

Craig looked up at Ellie, seeing the slight panic in her eyes and sat back up. He scooted to the other side of the couch, pulling his knees up to his chin. "I disgust you, don't I?"

Ellie watched as he seemed to crumble in front of her. She reached out to him, but he pulled further away, burying his face in his hands. "Craig, you don't disgust me."

"Of course I do." He looked up, showing his fresh tears. "You're healed. You're better. And look at me." He sat up straighter on the couch, with his feet on the floor. "I'm disgusting. I'm crazy, Ellie. You don't want to be around me."

Ellie chuckled. "Healed? You think I'm healed?"

Craig looked up. "Yeah! Your scars... on your arms. They'll all healed. You're all better."

"Superficially, sure." She tapped her temple. "But up here, not really. I may not cut anymore, but I'm not all better. I still want to... sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes I want to... release some of the stress. Make the bad feelings go away. The pressure."

Craig nodded. "Yeah. The pressure sucks."

"Tell me about it." Ellie scooted closer to him, putting a hand on his knee. "But I push through them. Sometimes it's really hard, and there's times when I can think about for days is taking anything sharp to my arm, just to have to release." Ellie felt a few tears escape without permission, wiping them away hastily.

Craig shook his head. "Don't be sad, Ellie." He wrapped his arms around her, rocking her back and forth as Ellie continued to cry. "I'm here." He closed his eyes, wanting to transfer what ever pain she held to himself. "Don't cry."

_To bear the weight...  
and push into the sky  
it's easier to lie  
it's easier to lie_

Ellie looked up. "But I don't."

Craig looked confused. "Don't what?"

"Cut. I don't cut. I drop the knife or razor or whatever. I don't do it." Ellie chuckled. "I can't do it."

Craig wiped another tear from her cheeks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why?

Ellie shrugged. "Because I have you." She smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. "When I'm scared or frightened or lonely or feeling low, I stop and think of you and those feelings... they go away. They leave me. They're replaced with you. And..." She kissed him softly on his lips. "The love I have for you. I can't think of hurting myself because I love you and that's enough."

Craig wrapped his arms around Ellie tighter, holding as if she might be ripped away from his arms. "I love you too." He kissed her hair, her cheeks, her temple. "I love you so much."

Ellie pulled away. "Than why are you doing this yourself?!" She got off the couch. "Look at what you've done! This place is a complete mess. You've destroyed the living room. There's food everything. And you haven't sleep in days. How can you say you love me and do this to yourself?"

_And honestly  
to look you in the eye  
it's easier to lie  
it's easier to lie_

Craig jumped up. "Ellie--"

"No, Craig. You can't just hurt yourself and think I won't be hurt by it."

"Ellie--" He tried to hold her again, but Ellie pushed back.

"I love you, you asshole! I don't hurt myself because I love you and here you are, saying you love me and hurting yourself, and yet, somehow I get hurt again. Why would you do that?!"

Craig backed up, leaning against the wall facing Ellie. He slid down, bringing his knees up again to his chin. "Because I don't feel anything when I'm not around you. It's only when I'm with you that I don't feel like dying." He wrapped his arms around his legs, shaking. "The medication makes it so I can't feel anything. It's only when I'm around you that I feel anything." He smiled up at Ellie as she neared him. "It like breathing again. I feel alive again." He leaned his head on Ellie's shoulder, their roles reversed. "You make me feel alive, Ellie." He shook his head. "I guess when we didn't see each other, I wanted to feel that way again, even if it meant stopping the medication, I just had to feel something again."

Ellie wiped her tears away. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." She felt Craig's forehead. "You're burning up." She stood up, grabbing the bottle of water. "Drink this."

* * *

Craig did as he was told, drinking the entire bottle in only a few moments. Ellie walked over to the bathroom, drawing a bath. She grabbed some fresh towels from the linen closet when Spinner peeked out of his room. "How's he doing?"

Ellie looked around, holding a grim expression. "He's got a fever. I'm going give him a bath and call the doctor before he goes into shock. His withdraws are getting worse. He's shaking like a leaf and his pupils are really dilated."

"Anything I can do?"

"Maybe try calling the doctor. It's two, but he could be up, right?"

Spinner nodded. "I can call to see if he's on call. He sometimes does the graveyard shift at the clinic."

"Okay, well while you try to get a hod of him, I'm gonna give him a bath and see if I can lower his fever." Ellie took the towels into the bathroom, and walked back into the living room, where Craig was looking at his scribblings.

"What the fuck was I trying to say? It's all jibberish."

Ellie chuckled. "I'm sure it was heartfelt."

"Damn straight." He chuckled when Ellie pulled him off the floor, pulling off his shirt. "What are you doing?"

"C'mon, you need to take your clothes off." She proceeded to unbuckle his belt.

Craig smirked. "You need to your clothes off too." He reached to unbutton her blouse when Ellie smacked his hand.

"I need to give you a bath. You're burning up."

Craig shook her off. "I'm fine."

"Craig..." Ellie gave him a warning glare. "Please, just do this for me. I have a bath ready and everything. You need to get cleaned up and cool down or you're gonna feel worse."

Craig pulled off his shirt. "Fine." He walked into the bathroom, Ellie following him clothes behind. Craig stopped. "You are not giving me a bath."

"Yes I am. You can barely walk for one thing and I need to make sure you cool down."

Craig chuckled. "Is this some weird fantasy of yours or something."

Ellie snorted. "No, I'll leave all the perverted thoughts to you." As Craig stripped down, Ellie helped him into the tub.

"It's freezing!" He shook some more. "I'm not some vampire, you know."

"I know that. But you need to cool down. And it's only lukewarm. Practically room temperature, but you're so hot, it seems cold."

"Humph." He eased his way into the tub, watching as Ellie grabbed a washcloth and a cup.

"C'mere. I need to wash your hair." She proceeded to scrub his shoulders, washing his hair and applying water on his shoulders.

"Where did you learn to do this?" Craig looked up at her curiously. "You seem so much in your element here."

Ellie shrugged. "My Mom. She's a recovering alcoholic. I mean, she's still one, but she's been having treatment for years. She has her spills when she might drink for days and I usually have to call the clinic and I take care I of her like this."

Craig took hold her hand. "Stop."

"Craig--"

"When is someone gonna take care of you. You seem to take care of everyone. Your mom, me..."

Ellie smirked. "Well... hopefully you can."

Craig nodded. "I will. I wanna take care of you. I wanna be the person you come to. I wanna be your everything."

Ellie snorted. "You already are those things. I'm only doing this because I love you. As much as you might need me right now, I know you'll be there for me too."

"I will, I promise." He smiled like a child, pulling on Ellie's heartstrings.

She kissed him softly on his lips. "I need to clean behind your ears. Move closer."

"You sound my mother." They both chuckled, Ellie splashing him in the face.

_To fill the space  
the space you made for me  
try to be the one you want  
try to be the way you want_

Spinner suddenly knocked on the door. "Ellie?"

Ellie stood and cracked the door. "Yeah?"

"I got Dr. Turner on the phone. He said he's sending an ambulance over as soon as possible. Just thought you'd wanna put Craig in some clean before they get here."

"Thanks, Spin." She turned around, grabbing a towel. "C'mon, an ambulance is coming over here soon to take you to the doctor."

Craig stood up. "But I'll better. You made me better."

Ellie nodded. "But the doctor is gonna make you all better, so you need get some clothes on."

Craig nodded, walking over to his room. He threw on a pair of flannel pants and a white shirt, as Ellie handed him his shoes. "I feel fine."

Ellie felt his forehead. "You're still really warm. Besides, you need to get your blood pressure down and you're still shaking."

Craig didn't feel anything she was talking about, taking a seat on his bed. "I'm really messed up, aren't I?"

Ellie shrugged. "Not any worse than me." She leaned her head and Craig, feeling his wrap his solid arm around her shoulders. "Besides, I'll be right there next to you. I'm not going anywhere."

The door opened, two uniformed paramedics walked in with a stretcher. "Mr. Manning?"

Craig stood up. "Yeah. That's me." He slowly stood up, finding it hard to stand on his two feet. One of the paramedics helped him walk and proceeded to strap him in. Ellie took his hand and they went through the apartment leading out side. Ellie paused as Spinner followed her.

Spinner smirked. "I'll follow the ambulance to the hospital."

Ellie nodded. "I'll go with you."

Spinner shook his head. "Ride with Craig."

Ellie faltered slightly. "I don't know if I can handle seeing him in all those wires and cords and stuff."

"He needs you now." Spinner pushed her towards the door. "Hurry up."

Ellie nodded, running down the stairs as the paramedics loaded Craig in the truck. One of the paramedics noticed Ellie. "You riding with us?"

"Yeah." Ellie hopped in, taking Craig's hand. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

_And maybe I  
could be the one you need  
if you'd only  
show me  
Show me how to live..._

* * *

Ellie and Spinner were in the waiting room, waiting for the doctor to return to allow them to see Craig. It was now four in the morning and they both hadn't slept a wink. Spinner looked over at Ellie, who had just finished her second of coffee. "You should get some sleep."

Ellie chuckled. "I'll go to sleep when you go to sleep."

Spinner nodded. "Fair enough." They both chuckled when the doctor came through the sliding doors.

The doctor recognized Spinner. "Gavin, good to see you. And this must be Ellie." He held out his hand. "Dr. Turner. I'm Craig's physician. Pleasure to meet you. Craig's told me about you in our sessions."

Ellie blushed slightly. "You too." She looked over at Spinner, who seemed composed for the most part. "How's Craig?"

"Craig is doing better. He's on an IV, but he should be alright. He'll have stay overnight however until he gains more strength and is more hydrated, but he should pull through just fine. I want to say that it was very good you gave him a bath to lower his body temperature. He had quite a fever."

Ellie nodded. "Is he awake? Can I go see him?"

Dr. Turner smiled. "He's awake right now. You can go in there for a little while but he does need his rest. His blood pressure was very high and he needs to be slowed waned back on the medication. I'll have to talk to you about that more, Gavin. But Ellie, if you wish, you can go see him. He's in room 326." He pointed down the hall as he and Spinner took a seat.

Ellie looked over at Spinner, who nodded to go ahead. She smiled and walked down the hall, flashes of intensive care units, emergency room runs, a hospital bed and 36 hour days awaiting her mother to come home after having too much to drink. As she turned the corner, seeing his room just up ahead, she had a fleeting thought of walking away again. She could leave if she wanted. She didn't have anything really tied to Craig. She wasn't married to him and they weren't family. But as the thought dissipated, she knew that Craig was home. In his arms lied her heart and she knew that would never find a love like that anywhere else but with Craig. He had taken her heart so easy and she knew it would take more than this to get it back, but she knew she would never want it. It was safe with him.

She opened the door, seeing him lying in the bed, completely defenseless, looking so strikingly helpless in a pale blue gown. She started to tremble again, but allowed herself a moment before she made her presence known. But Craig opened his eyes, a lazy smile on his lips. "Hey, Nash."

_And how to bear the weight  
And push into the sky  
it's easier to lie  
easier to lie_

Ellie chuckled. "Hey yourself." She walked over to the bedside chair, sighing as she looked at him. "How are you?" She knew it was silly to ask the question, but she had to make a remotely civilized conversation, trying not to dispel the obvious.

Craig shrugged, groaning slightly. "Tired. I'm really tired."

Ellie scooted closer. "That's good. That means you'll sleep."

Craig tried to straighten up."Yeah, but I want to stay awake and talk to you. I have some explaining to do."

Ellie shook her head. "It's okay. You need to sleep now. We'll talk when you've had some rest."

Craig took hold of Ellie's hand. "Ellie... I won't be able to sleep until I tell you why I didn't tell you before.... tell you I'm bi-polar."

Ellie paused, watching him straighten more in his bed. "Spinner told me earlier, before I came up. Don't be angry with him."

Craig chuckled. "I'm glad he did. Remind me to thank him later." He looked out of the window again. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I mean, I wanted to tell you, all the time. But we were so happy and everything was so good... I didn't want anything to jinx it." He held her hand tighter. "I was diagnosed on high school, my junior year, right after my parents died."

Ellie held his hand tighter. "I'm sorry."

Craig shook his head. "Yeah, well. At first they put me on medication and tons of therapy. I mean, my parents died and than I find out I'm bi-polar." He chuckled. "You can say my schoolwork suffered a bit."

Ellie chuckled. "Yeah. That sucks." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I wanted to say something profound but it just it sorta came out."

Craig scooted over slightly, patting the bed. "C'mere." Ellie got in the bed, laying next to Craig. He chuckled. "Better?"

Ellie leaned into him more. "Much."

"Good." He cleared his throat. "So, it was okay for a while. I didn't have panic attacks or manic episodes anymore. After a while, I didn't have any feelings anymore. It was as if any trace of emotions were sucked out of me. I couldn't remember what it felt like to get angry, what it felt like to get excited. It was like going Zen on accident. I was mellow all the time and I just didn't know how to react to anything. It my music suffered. It didn't happen overnight, but when I would look at music I'd written from before the diagnosis and than after, it wasn't as edgy or raw. It was just... blah." He chuckled. "For a while, I thought about just quitting and going back to school. Get a real job like everyone else, you know? But Spinner helped me through a lot. He understood the weight of being medicated. He understood me. I owe him a lot."

Ellie nodded. "Spinner's really good with all this."

"Yeah, I know." He shook his head. "But there were times when I wanted to write and be myself again and I would stop taking the medication, just to have a part of me back." He sighed. "I know how dangerous it was but you don't what it was like." He looked down at Ellie's hair, watching the rising sun catch its light within it, putting the sky to shame. "I would have rather been angry all the time if only to feel anything. The truth is, I wrote my best stuff not medicated."

Ellie sat up, shaking her head. "But you could have died. You could have fainted from the fevers, died from dehydration. It was so stupid and ---"

"I know. And I'm sorry." He kissed her hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."

_And do what's right  
when everything is wrong  
it's easier to run  
it's easier to_

"But you could have told me. You could tell me anything, you should know that." Ellie leaned back against him. "You don't have to hide things to protect me. I'm damaged too."

Craig nodded. "I know. I just... I thought I would come off as a little too intense if I told you that I only felt anything was when I was around you." He kissed her hair. "You were kind of hard to let go of."

Ellie chuckled. "You too." She wrapped her arm around his waist. "You should have told me."

"I wanted to, but I... when I saw your scars... I didn't want to cause you more pain. I would never want to be the person to make you do that to yourself."

Ellie punched his in his chest. "Well, hurting yourself doesn't make it any better."

Craig shrugged. "I guess it was just easier to lie. I was able to be the person you needed me to be."

Ellie shook her head again. "But I don't understand why you got off your medication to begin with."

Craig shook his head. "I wanted to be whole again. I wanted to show you what I could be, but the withdraws were more intense this time around. Before I knew it, I wasn't just feeling everything, but I was terrified. I couldn't control my emotions. That's why I sent you away." He held Ellie closer. "I didn't want to hurt you in the heat of the moment."

Ellie sighed. "Never lie to me again."

Craig chuckled. "Alright, kiddo."

Ellie sat up. "I mean it. If you ever lie to me again, I'll put your ass back in this hospital bed."

"Alright, alright. I will never lie to you again." He held her again, both chuckling. Craig smirked. "Since we're being honest and all, you should really get some sleep. You look like crap."

"No thanks to you, jerk." She elbowed him, snorting as Craig gathered her in his arms. She sighed pleasantly. "I should go."

Craig closed his eyes, fading into a deep sleep. "No... stay."

"I can't. You should rest and I have to get home." She sat up some more, wiping her face. "It's morning."

Craig nodded as the the sun lit the room, creating a halo-like effect around Ellie's head. "I love you."

Ellie leaned down again, kissing Craig softly. "I love you too." They nuzzled noses before Ellie got out of the bed. "I'll be around later today. I can bring your guitar if you want me to."

Craig shrugged. "Just come back later, Nash."

_Never have  
to look you in the eye  
it's easier to lie  
it's easier to lie_

Ellie nodded, picking up her jacket. "Later, Manning." She walked out the room, watching as Craig turned toward th window, closing his eyes. She walked back to the waiting room where Spinner and Dr. Turner were still talking. Ellie took a seat across from them. "Hey."

Dr. Turner smiled. "Ellie, is everything alright?"

"Oh yeah. He's just resting now." She sighed. "So, anything I need to know about?"

Spinner and Dr. Turner were silent. Spinner nodded. "I can talk to talk to her on my own, Dr. Turner."

Dr. Turner nodded. "Alright, than. Again, pleasure to meet you, Ellie." He walked back to the nurses' station when Spinner took a seat next to Ellie.

Spinner sighed. "Well... first, let me just say Craig is really lucky."

"Is he alright? He seemed okay in there." Ellie felt her stomach tense up slightly as she watched Spinner struggle to find words. "Shut spit it out, Mason."

"The doctors are considering to do either one of two things. Either they're gonna up his medication again, or they're gonna put him in more extensive therapy sessions." He sighed. "Dr. Turner thinks that if the up the intact, it might make him even more stoic. So, the therapy is his best shot."

"What will the therapy do?"

"Dr. Turner said that they will be intense at first, all most every day, but eventually will lessen with time. After a few months, if the sessions are successful he might only have to go once a week."

Ellie smiled, bouncing slightly in her seat. "That's great!"

Spinner nodded. "It is. But it won't be easy. Dr. Turner said since Craig's been heavily medicated for so long, his withdraws can peak, causing him fevers like last night and possibly worse."

Ellie sunk in her chair more, crossing her arms. "He'll be okay, right?"

Spinner put his arm around her, rubbing her shoulder. "He has us. He'll be more than okay."

_To bear the weight  
and push into the sky  
it's easier to lie_

* * *

_That's it for now. More will come!_


	11. Pills

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. I think I have made myself clear of this time and time again.**_

_A/N: Okay, I have about three more chapters to this story, and an epilogue. After that, I'll unveil my little pet project or collection of Crellie drabble I've been working on. I'm almost finished with them, which is part of the reason why I haven't updated on this story as much. At any rate, the next installment._

* * *

"**Pills"; The Perishers**

Craig had been going through some of his notebooks, trying to decipher the doodles from the lyrics, giving up the frivolous fight instead to sulk silently. He had been going through several fits of rage quite recently, mostly due to the lack of medication and the haunting nightmares that continuously occurred during his slumber. Many of them involved him falling, never reaching the pit. Others though, and quite more recent always seemed to involve Ellie. He would be reaching out into the abyss, trying to take her hand, but never seeming to get there, always a hair or a fraction of an inch away. Those were the ones that seemed to keep him from rest, the ones that made him quiver with fear whenever he saw the moon in the sky and bedtime was near. And yet, despite all the fears he had for him and Ellie, being near her again, if only for the brief moments when she wasn't in class or able to pick him up from his therapy did he feel somewhat normal.

_I hope my smile can distract you  
I hope my fists can fight for two_

His sessions with Dr. Turner had been going better than he had expected. They were far more intense than others in the past, many of which included hypnotism and other holistic medicine. He had tried to suppress some of the dreams deep in his psyche so that they didn't leak out into his sessions, but several days before, he let slip a recent dream in where he was racing in a hayfield, trying to reach Ellie, who was playing among the wildflowers. He remembered how serene she looked, her hair slightly tousled by the wind and how she radiated under the nurturing sunlight. He wanted to be with her in that place unknown to him, where happiness seemed to grow on trees and Ellie and him were free to be together without the ever-present knowledge of darkness, lurking in a past that seemed too present.

_So it never has to show  
And you'll never know_

Dr. Turner had been patient with him however, telling him that he could never truly be happy with Ellie until her maintained healthy communication with her. He wanted to believe that he could be honest with her, but whenever he wasn't around her, he didn't seem to trust himself and when she was around, he always felt slightly less deserving. She had become such a pillar of strength for him and he knew what that could do to a friendship. He and Spinner had been through so many fluctuations over the years, but they were more like family than anything else, eternally bonded by a friendship and an understanding of hopelessness that couldn't be defined. He wanted so much for Ellie, and he wanted to be the one to provide it for her, but ever so often, he'd feel the unworthiness, and the self-loathing would begin again, never failing to send another frightening dream of inadequacy and fear to him in the dark.

That day, however, seemed to be filled with a little more certainty. Ellie was coming over to listen to some of his songs. He had promised her that he was gonna have some new stuff ready, which was why he was going through some of his notebooks. He had finished three songs so far, having finally solidifying the bridge to one and perfecting the final chords to the other two. He was excited to have something accomplished, not having such victory in the music department since the last episode. But what he was most enthusiastic about the most was the fact that he wanted to write more, the notion of having the inspiration hit him like a thunderbolt made the dreams lessen, if only to a few a night. He knew that even if he couldn't exactly face his demons head on, he could try to write through them, which had been his own form of therapy for so long. He was able to fall into his music again, and when the urges of throwing something at a wall heightened, he dove into another round of scribbles, later finding them incoherent. It wasn't until he was that way again could he recall certain sounds, minuscule details and overlooked hooks that seemed to tie the songs together.

Craig perked up slightly when he heard her open the door to his apartment with her key. He knew it seemed sappy and a bit emo, even for him, but hearing her open the door made being home that more rewarding. He walked out of his room, blissfully happy that Spinner had went to see a movie with Marco and Paige, becoming very chummy with them over the past few months. Ellie noticed him at the end of the hall, smirking. "Hey you."

"Hey." He walked over to her, watching her walk into his arms effortlessly. He could smell the wind in her hair, harboring her in the dreamlike state among the wildflowers. "How are you?"

Ellie leaned closer into him. "Better now. I had a bad day at school. I felt like I was in high school all over again." She chuckled slightly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "But I feel much better now. What about you?"

_I hope my love can blind you_

_I hope my arms can bind you_

Craig looked down at her, not quite able to harness the joy it was to be with her. "Better too." He took her hand, pulling her toward the living room, where he had his guitar and the few lyrics he could salvage on the table. "But... I think the real question here is, 'Are you ready to rock?'"

"If that's the kind of cliché crap you're gonna be playing, I think I'll head back to school." She chuckled when Craig fained hurt, throwing himself on the couch, banging his head on his guitar.

"You are one cruel chick, Nash." He shook his head, holding his hand to the back of it. "So mean."

Ellie snorted. "And yet, I'm not the one who is torturing the other with complaint rock and emo-drenched woes of yesteryear." She plopped next to him, looking over the lyrics. "Are these the ones you were gonna play?" Craig nodded as Ellie continued to peruse them. Slowly, a smile touched her cheekbones. "I like this... it's... kinda severe."

Craig sat up straighter. "Severe?"

Ellie shook her head. "But in a good way. Like... edgier, not sappy and woeful." She chuckled at one line. "It seems almost... sarcastic. Funny."

Craig frowned slightly. "What's funny?"

Ellie shrugged. "I'd say you seem to have a more cynical outlook on life with this stuff." She nudged him. "That's supposed to be _my _thing. But I suppose I can let you take the reigns."

Craig scooted closer to her. "So does this mean you'll be one of those uber-girly girls, fawning over me now?"

Ellie laughed out loud. "You wish. I would require you to put a bullet in my head, courtesy of the thoughtful people down at the firing range if I ever become one of those mindless drones." She leaned her head on his shoulder, batting her eyes in contradiction.

Craig wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "Deal, kiddo." He yanked the papers from her hands, skimming them himself. "Besides, these are from my... not so 'good Craig' moments. I tend to be a little more pessimistic than bright-eyed and bushy tailed. But I'm glad you like them."

Ellie nodded. "I do, even though you're not in peak condition." She smirked slightly, shaking the thought away. "So... let's hear one." She snatched the top paper. "This one first, if you don't mind." She pulled her knees to her chin, waiting patiently.

Craig looked over at the lyrics, nodding. "As you wish, madam." He smirked as Ellie snorted, taking his cue to strum the beginning chord.

_So that you'll never have to see_

_What we've grown to be_

* * *

It was only into Craig's third song did Ellie seem distracted. She tried not to let it show, but there had been something plaguing her all afternoon. She never asked about Craig's sessions, knowing first hand the awkward conversations she had to deal with with her mother and vice versa. She seldom felt the need to ask, but there had seemed to be a change in the way Craig acted around her over the past few weeks. He wasn't distant and he seemed to smile whenever he looked at her, but something felt off. Just as she opened her mouth, the front door swung open, revealing Spinner carrying a few groceries. "Hey Elle."

"Hey Spin." She smiled, but wished she could throw something at his head. Perfect timing.

Craig looked up. "Is that food?" He jumped off the couch, following his nose to the aroma from the bags. "Sweetness!" He grabbed a bag of something, heading into the kitchen.

Spinner followed him, chuckling. "Yeah, me and Paige went to the store to pick up some stuff. She is so hot."

Ellie chuckled. "She's a lesbian. She's not into you."

Spinner shrugged. "And what's not hot about two chicks."

"High-O!" Craig and Spinner shared a high-five, clumsily putting the food away.

"Idiots." Ellie rolled her eyes, grabbing one of the bags and helping them put them away.

Spinner shook his head, nudging Craig. "So... how'd it go?"

"You kinda crashed in on it, dude." He shook his head. "It's cool. She seemed to really like it. I mean, she thought the lyrics were different, but in a good way."

"Excellent." Spinner patted Craig on the shoulder. "So... have you guys... you know... talked about..." He looked over his shoulder, seeing Ellie in the far corner out of earshot. "About the dreams?"

Craig sighed, feeling slightly awkward about the amount of things Spinner knew about him in comparison to Ellie. He wanted to open up more, but every time he did, he felt stifled. It took him a manic episode to open up the last time. He had promised himself that he would be more straightforward, give her more of himself, but he feared that if he opened up too much, somehow he'd get burned. "Not yet... but soon."

Spinner nodded. "I could leave for a while if you want me too." He looked across the room again, watching Ellie. "I'll leave. I have to run out and get some stuff for Friday." He patted Ellie on the shoulder. "Good seeing you."

Ellie smiled. "You too." She waved when Spinner walked out the door.

* * *

She turned and watched Craig put away some more groceries, when she came up behind him. "We need to talk."

_One may think we're alright  
But we need pills to sleep at night  
We need lies to make it through the day  
We're not okay_

Craig twisted inside her embrace. "What's wrong?"

Ellie walked over to the couch, looking back at him. "You tell me." She fidgeted slightly as he sat down, but she tried to keep her eyes toward the floor. Craig took her hand, breaking her from her reverie. She smiled. "Craig, is everything okay... with the sessions?"

Craig pulled his hand away, stiffening. "It's fine. I'm doing well." He sat there, fading slowly into a stoic mood. "It's more severe, but I'm getting used to it." He fiddled with his string on his hoodie. "But I'm fine."

Ellie crossed her arms, leaning back on the couch. "You don't seem fine."

Craig jumped up, looking furious. "Why can't I be enough for you?! I'm trying my best and every time I think I'm doing better for you... for us, you knock me back down!"

Ellie jumped up as well. "That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with you! You tell me that you love me and you want to be honest with me... but when you have a chance to do just that, you clam up!" She started to pace some, throwing her hair into a messy ponytail. "I just want to be able to talk to you without feeling like I'm gonna get clobbered." Ellie walked over to the other side of the room, sitting in the large easy chair, looking like a little girl with her feet dangling in the air.

Flashes of Ellie in the hayfield flooded his mind, wanting to save her, wanting to hold her, wanting to protect from the pain, but like always, he seemed to ruin everything he touched. He walked over to her, sitting on the coffee table. "Ellie...."

"Save it." She wiped her cheek, trying to hide the tear that escaped. "I just want you to be able to talk to me. Why do I have to pry things out of you all the time? You say we're gonna be more honest and open, but it's just as it was before." She wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to avoid his glare.

_One may think we're doing fine  
But if I had to lay it on the line  
We're losing ground with every passing day  
We're not okay_

Craig sighed exasperatedly, trying to figure out what to say without getting slapped in the face. "Ellie... I'm sorry. I want to talk to you, but--"

"But what?" There was a small rim of tears threating to fall. "What more can I do for you to open up to me?" She shook her head. "I don't want to be that clingy girl that always asks what you're feeling, what you're thinking... trying to figure you out." She sniffed as a few tears fell anyway. "I thought I could figure you out. There was a time when I thought I could... but I don't know anymore." She backed away from him as much as she could. "You're music has changed. _You've_ changed... and I missed it."

Craig sat next to her, pulling her into his arms. "I'm right here. You know me... you know me better than anyone."

Ellie wiped away her face, shaking her head. "I don't feel that way. I feel so out of the loop these days... like you and I are off."

Craig gathered her up more, trying to calm her shakes. "I'm trying to be more open, but..." He sighed, lifting Ellie's chin up some. He stroked her cheek, trying to wipe away her tears. "But I'm scared of hurting you."

Ellie sat up slightly. "But you are hurting me. We've been over this before. I don't understand why we're going back to this again. I thought we got all past this." She pushed Craig off of her, grabbing her jacket and heading toward the door. "I'm not asking for the perfect boyfriend. I'm not even asking you to be normal or not crazy. We're all crazy. _I'm_ crazy. But I just need you to want to open up. I shouldn't have to force you to." She opened the door, looking back at Craig with a sullen frown. "You know where I'll be when you ready to talk." She closed the door behind her, sending a pounding throughout the apartment.

Craig looked at the door for several seconds, before a thunderbolt stroked him down. "What the fuck am I doing?" He ran out the door, racing down the stairs before Ellie drove away. He saw he backing out of the parking space, trying to make his feel go as fast as his brain wanting him to. "Ellie!" He pushed open the door, running after her car. Without warning, Ellie pushed the brakes, leaving Craig running straight into the bummer. "Fuck!"

Ellie ran out of the car and stooped next to Craig, slapping him. "Craig, wake up!" She shook him when he started to stir.

"I'm awake. Stop slapping me!" He sat up, holding his forehead. "I think I'm bleeding."

Ellie slapped him on his arm. "Why did you do that? Have you completely lost your mind?!" She pushed him back, folding her arms. "Why did you do that?"

"I couldn't let you just leave." He sat up completely, trying to focus on Ellie. "I see two of you."

"Good." She sulked slightly, shaking her head. "If that wasn't the dumbest thing you've done--"

"I'm sorry." Craig closed his eyes, sighing through the pain that scorched the top of his head. "I'm an idiot, I realize that. But I'm so tired of us fighting I'm tired of me being the cause of it." He smiled up at her, seeing her face loose some of its tension. "I want to make you happy again. I want to be able to make you feel safe again. But I' m scared. I don't want to hurt you again, but I feel like I'll always hurt me."

Ellie sat next to him, wondering what to say. She finally had him talking and she couldn't figure out what she was going to say. She took his hand, intertwining their fingers. "The only way you can hurt me is by pushing me away. You can't keep me safe all the time, Craig. And there's gonna be times when you won't make me happy. But the only way you can hurt me, truly hurt me, is not let me in. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. But I have to know you won't try to make me." She pulled him off the ground, shaking her head. "You really did a number there, Manning."

"No thanks to you." He chuckled when Ellie nudged him in the ribs. "I'm an injured man, woman!"

"And an ass." She chuckled as he took her hand again. "I mean it, though. Don't push me away."

Craig nodded. "I'll be upstairs trying to clean this cut. I'll see you up there?"

"Yeah. Let me just move my car out of the alley." She turned when Craig pulled her toward him, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Don't be too long." He kissed her again, letting her hand fall as he ran back into the building.

Ellie watched him go, shaking her as she slid behind the wheel. "Craig Manning is going to be the end of me, I swear."

_But that's one thing  
I would never  
One thing I would never  
That's one thing  
I would never say to you_

_And that's it for now. About three more chapters left, y'all! Again, sorry for the wait and as always, review!_

* * *


	12. No Lies, Just Love

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. And that's the truth.**_

_A/N: I want to give you all my profound apologies. I know it's been a while with this story, but I did post a few oneshots between than and now to make up for the lack of posts. Well, since I'm just about finished with my pet project, I figured I'd update this story, which has three chapters, including this one. Without further ado, the next installment._

* * *

"**No Lies, Just Love"; Bright Eyes**

Marco walked down the hall, humming to himself when he halted in front of Ellie's doorway. "Why don't we look decent this evening?" He chuckled at he walked deeper into the room, fingering Ellie's hair. "Going out with Craig?"

Ellie smirked. "Oh no, I thought I'd go audition down at the bordello on Liberty, see if I've got any talent." She rolled her eyes as she looked herself over. "Do you think I'm overdressed?" She turned back to Marco as he looked her over. She wore a plain white blouse with black vest, paired with a black skirt that hit her knee. She completed it was short leather boots.

"You look perfect, sweetie." He gave her a quick hug, rubbing her back. I don't see why you're so uptight." He gave her a kiss on the cheek for good measure. "Where you're going to, anyway?"

Ellie shrugged, applying some blush. "Don't know. Craig wanted to 'surprise' me or whatever."

"You sound thrilled." He chuckled as he perched on the edge of her vanity. "Honestly, Elle. Just relax."

"I know. And I'm excited... I suppose." She shook her head, trying to focus on her makeup. "I'm just not a big 'surprise' person."

"You'll be fine." He came up behind her, rubbing her shoulders. "Besides... you look hot." They both shared a smile, as Ellie turned around.

She grabbed her jacket of the back of her chair, smiling. "I better leave. You gonna be okay?"

Marco rolled his eyes, putting his hands on his hips. "Hey, don't worry about me. Felipe is planning on coming over with some movies so it'll be fun."

"That does sound like fun." She pouted playfully as Marco pushed her toward the door. "Alright, I'm leaving." She laughed as she walked to the door, hearing a car horn outside. "That must be him." She spun around, blowing a kiss behind her. "'Bye!"

"I'm not waiting up!" He shook his head when Ellie threw him the one-finger salute. "So classy."

_It was in the march of the winter I turned seventeen  
That I bought those pills  
I thought I would need  
And I wrote a letter to my family_

Ellie skipped down the stairs, feeling jittery as she pounded down the cement. She had been adamant about the surprise for most of the week, Craig convincing her it wouldn't be humiliating, but she found herself conscious of it when she walked out of her apartment, seeing Craig leaning on his car door. He was wearing a dark blue shirt and dark wash jeans, electrifying the subtle blue color of his eyes. She met them, green met blue and felt her heart flutter involuntarily. She let a small smile grace her lips, but she tried to block out the nerves. "You look nice."

"You look beautiful." He took her hand, pulling her closer to him as he kissed her temple. "Shall we?" He chuckled as he noticed her roll her eyes, opening the door for her. He jogged to the other side, sliding behind the wheel. "Are you excited?"

Ellie shallowed the fire that burned in her throat, allowing the excitement to take over her body as he reached over the partition to take her hand. "Yeah, let's go." She offered another encouraging smile, but felt another wave of nausea pass over her. As they drove silently, she watched as the passing street whizzed by, creating a continual blur that seemed to reflex the past few months with her companion. She hadn't realized that being with Craig for seven months felt like an instant, passing far quicker than she was prepared for. They had reached a level of intimacy that she had never knew she was capable of with another person. Even her relationship with Marco, as often as it seemed they were domestic, she still couldn't find herself as comfortable with being with him than in the arms of the man beside her. "So, where are you taking me?"

Craig held back a laugh. "Very cute, but you're not getting anything from me."

"You're taking this surprise thing seriously, aren't you?" She turned in her seat, facing him as he drove. She watched as his arm flexed slightly under his jacket, feeling herself blush as she could remember countless times she witness that miraculous gesture. "You know I'm gonna hate it, right?"

"I have a feeling you won't so much." He fiddled with the radio, finding a station that played jazz. "You really should have more faith in me. I'm better at this surprise stuff than you think I am."

Ellie shrugged, looking back at the window as the city passed them. "I guess we'll just have to see." She smiled again, hearing him chuckle to himself.

"If it's any consolation, we're almost there." He made a left hand turn, pulling into the fast line. A small silence fell over, Ellie reveling in the fact that it never seemed awkward. She turned however when Craig cleared his throat. "So...what did you do today?"

_Said it's not your fault  
And you've been good to me  
Just lately I've been feeling  
Like I don't belong_

* * *

Craig turned down quiet street, until he pulled into driveway. "We're here." He got out the car, opening the door for Ellie. "Come on, milady."

Ellie snorted. "I'll come with you, but never call me that again." She took his hand, smiling.

"Deal." He tucked her hand under his arm, walking her toward the gate. He felt Ellie tense, turning back. "What's wrong?"

"Where are we?" She looked at the abandoned building, seeing a stray cat run pass in the distance and a few sirens heard in the distance. She shook slightly, feeling uneasy.

Craig smirked, watching her squirm. "Where do you think we are?"

"Some abandon warehouse where no one can hear my screams." She backed up toward the car when Craig pulled her closer to him.

Craig's head fell back, howling with laughter. "You and that imagination of yours. Do you really take me for some crazed maniac?"

Ellie smirked, feeling slightly more at ease. "Well, whacks come in smiles." They both shared a laugh when someone came from the building. "Who's that?"

"Would you stop with all these questions. It's starting to get annoying." He chuckled when Ellie nudged him in the ribs. "Alright, I deserved that."

"Damn right, you did." She shook her head as the man unlocked the gate. He stood shorter than Craig, but still average height. He was in a black shirt and slacks, looking pleasant in the otherwise grim setting.

"Good evening, Mr. Manning. Right on time." He opened the gate wider to let them in. "Good evening, miss." He gave Craig a wink, stifling a chuckle. "I believe everything's ready for you." He proceeding to shake Craig's hand, giving him a nod of the head. "You both have a good night." He turned, heading in the opposite direction he had came.

Ellie watched him leave. "Who was that?"

Craig rolled his eyes. "What did I say about all those questions?" He wrapped his arm around her back, leading her toward the building. "Come on, it's getting chilly." They walked to the side, where it seemed to look less intimidating, appearing to be much cleaner. The glass doors led to a lobby, where a few chairs and couches displayed a lounge area. Craig opened the door for Ellie as they walked toward the elevators.

Ellie made frequent glances at Craig, watching him for the slightest hint of where they might be headed. She had never been to this side of town before but was familiar with the type of people that lived there. It was a up-in-coming neighborhood, young bohemians had taken up residence there over the past years and she had vaguely remembered Paige had a few friends in the area, but no one Ellie could recall as the elevator came to a stop. Before Craig got off, Ellie grabbed him. "I'm not stepping off this thing until you tell me where we're going." She crossed her arms, as if to make her point, only giving Craig more reason to chuckle. "Don't laugh at me."

"Sorry, you just make me laugh." He pulled her closer to him, grazing her cheek. "I promise, you're gonna like this. I swear."

Ellie sighed exasperatedly, giving in. "I suppose." She followed him down the hall until the reached the end, where Craig produced keys from his pocket. "Did that guy--" Before she could finish, Craig opened the door, revealing an open room. She stepped inside, hearing Craig close the door behind him. She looked around the vast space, seeing large windows, reaching from floor to ceiling, nearly the entire room was furbished. It was a loft apartment. "What is all this?"

Craig came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "It's my new apartment." He kissed her neck, pulling her closer to him. "And it can be yours too, if you want it to be."

_Like the ground's not mine to walk upon  
And I've heard that music  
Echo through the house  
Where my grandmother drank  
By herself  
And I sat watching a flower  
As it was withering_

* * *

Ellie turned around, emotion overcoming her as she looked at the man before. "You want to move in together?"

Craig nodded slowly. "Well, I figured that I needed to move out of Spin's place. I mean, we've lived together since we graduated high school and since I'm getting more gigs and I'm doing better with therapy and things are getting better in everything... especially us." He paused, leaning his forehead on hers. "I thought that we could take the next step." He backed up, looking serious but held a shade of vulnerability. "But only if you're ready. I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for." He took her hand, leading her to the kitchen. "It's really great. Check out this stove. The realtor said something about it being a confection oven, whatever that means. But she said it could like cook a turkey like in twenty minutes." He looked through the cabinets when Ellie let go of his hand. Craig turned, looking anxious. "You don't like it. It's too much. Look, like I said--"

"How can you afford all this? I mean, this place is like _really_ nice." Ellie fidgeted her hands at her waist, turning in a small circle. "How could you--"

"That's the second surprise." He nearly skipped over to her, pulling her over to the couch. "Ellie, remember last week when I opened up for that band in Quebec?"

Ellie nodded, remembering that he had left for two days and how much she had missed him when he was gone. After their last fight nearly two months ago, they had spent nearly every waking minute together, talking and sharing, breaking down those boundaries that they both had built for their own protection. This was the first time that he hadn't been open to her, holding something back from her. The fact made her uneasy again, feeling an unsettling suffocating pressure on her chest. "Was there something you didn't tell me?"

Craig smiled widely, hoping it would wipe the tension from Ellie's face. "I met this guy there... an agent for this recording label, here in town. It's an indie label, but they're really getting some lead in the local markets and everything. Well, he said he liked my sound, baby. He said he liked it a lot and... he signed me! Elle, I got signed!" He pulled her in for a hug, but he didn't feel reciprocated. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy?"

Ellie nodded. "That's wonderful, really. It's just.... that still doesn't explain all this." She flourished her arms, looking more frightened than she had upon entering the massive loft.

Craig playfully hit his forehead. "I nearly forgot. The label gave me an advance, you know, to get a new apartment and everything. They set most of this stuff up." He lifted a throw pillow, making a face. "I mean, really, do you think I'd even know where to start at picking a pillow, let alone a couch or anything." He chuckled, tossing it across the room. "But that's not the point, the point is that as long as I do well, this place is mine."

Ellie took in their surroundings again, seeing one of Craig's guitars in the corner, already looking at home. She breathed deeply, trying to concentrate. She stood up, walking over to the guitar and placing a timid hand on the neck, gliding her fingertips over the strings. She felt Craig come behind her with his strong arms wrapped around her waist, letting a smile finally reach her face. She spun around, throwing her arms around his neck. "I'm so proud of you!" She laughed when Craig left her up, spinning her around the living room before placing her back on the ground. She kissed him hastily, finding that she had to before he faded away. "I can't believe you were signed for a week and didn't tell me!" She punched him in the arm than, a wave a momentary anger coming over her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Craig shrugged. "Surprise." He laughed as Ellie lunged at him, hitting him playfully, but with force as they both landed on the couch.

_I was embarrassed by its honesty  
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face  
Not this fucking wreck  
That's taken its place_

She straddled him in her skirt, not caring how unladylike she seemed, feeling free in the confines of his new digs. "I can't believe this is all yours."

Craig grabbed her face, looking at her with nothing short of adoration. "This is your home too. As long as you want to be here, you're home."

Ellie smiled, standing up. "Where's the bathroom? I want to freshen up." She followed Craig's direction, scurrying inside and closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door, trying to catch her breath. _He wants to move in together? Isn't it soon? Are they ready?_ She walked over to the sink, splashing some cool water on her face, forgetting about her makeup. She dug into her clutch, looking for some eyeliner when she landed on her keys. She nearly fell back when she landed on the toilet, grateful that the lid was down. She took hold of them, dangling them in front of her. As she watched the light flicker off the keys, she imagined the shape of Craig's keys, the ridges that lined its side, how'd it might feel in her hands, the weight of it and how it seemed to fit her feelings of the situation. _Am I ready?_

She dropped the keys back inside her purse, facing the mirror again. She looked herself over, noticing her blouse had gotten wrinkled. She shrugged, trying to find something else that she wasn't sure she was looking for until her eyes landed on it. She lifted her arms, seeing the fading scars from yesteryear, a time in her life when she didn't have a Craig there to love her, where she didn't have the kind of love that she knew she couldn't possibly live without now. Without another glance at the mirror, she left the room, walking back to living room. "Hey."

Craig looked up, smiling. "Feeling better?"

Ellie walked over, matching his smile. "I'm hungry. You have any food?"

Craig chuckled. "I was thinking we could order out. Does Thai sound good?" He walked over to the kitchen to the phone.

"Sounds perfect." Ellie kicked off her boots, folding her legs under her, as Craig came back into the room.

"It'll be here in about a half hour." He sat next to her, pulling her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her. "So, what do you think of the place?"

Ellie smirked. "I haven't seen all of it yet." She pushed off him, standing up. "Mind giving me a tour?"

Craig jumped up, pulling her across the room. "Of course." He took her down the hall by the bathroom. "You've already seen the guest bathroom. And this is the guest bedroom slash my office." He heard Ellie snort. "Well, where I'll write or whatever." He heard Ellie snort louder. "Alright, fine. This room will never be used."

Ellie smirked conspicuously. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." She turned around. "Come on, there must be more to show me.

Craig held back a smile as he pulled her to the other side of the apartment. "Okay, this is the master's suite." He pushed open a door, leading her through another open space. "This is the master bedroom. They say this is where the magic happens." He heard Ellie snort harder than earlier. "And end of awkward joke." He pulled her to the other side. "And this is the master bathroom, a little bigger than the guest one--"

"I could figure that out from the size." She laughed as Craig rolled his eyes. "What? I was just being helpful."

"And an ass." He grabbed her, lifting her up in the air, rushing her into the bedroom. He threw her down on the bed, landing on top of her. He tickled her ravenously, watching her wiggle fiercely, finding her only more irresistible. "I love you."

_So please forgive what I have done  
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun  
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually  
There is nothing left to do but sleep_

Ellie stopped wiggling, looking him in the eye. Green met blue again, and she felt her chest rise and fall rapidly. "I love you too." She leaned forward, kissing him lightly on the lips when Craig pushed her back, deepening the kiss. As his hands grazed the hem of her skirt, traveling higher up her thigh, they both froze as they heard a pounding at the door.

"It's the food. Dammit." Craig reluctantly rose, leaving a patting Ellie on the bed. "I'll be right back, like in two seconds."

Ellie chuckled. "No, I'm hungry." She righted her skirt, rushing after him as he paid of the delivery man. "Food." She swarmed over the food like a vulture, grabbing take out boxes and utensils before Craig had reached the dining table.

* * *

Within ten minutes, they were sprawled on the floor, never making it to the table, eating any food in sight. Ellie grabbed another mouthful of noodles, smiling. "This is so good." She laughed as Craig shook his head. "What?"

"How can you be so skinny and eat like a pig?" He stuffed another helping of noodles down his own throat.

"You're no prize pig yourself, buddy." She threw a wonton at his chest, snorting as he ate it off his shirt. "So graceful."

"That's me." He watched her laugh again, wondering how they had gotten here. Had the last months been real? Could he have been that lucky to find her? He stood up than, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "Let me get some more water." He picked up her glass, walking over to the kitchen sink. He tried to steady his breathing. _I asked_ _her to move in... right?_ He knew he was ready to take them to the next level. He hated the days when they were apart, when she was at home because she had a paper to write or she had a test to study for and needed time alone. He hated not seeing her in the morning when he woke up and he hated when he couldn't hold her through the night. He never wanted to be without her again, finding talking to her was more like breathing, far more easier and preferred to his therapist, but just as helpful. He loved her completely, but he didn't want to frighten her with the intensity. He found himself laughing, realizing that he was usually the first one to bolt when things reached a certain level of intimacy, but for the first time ever, running away was the very last thing he would do, if ever. He walked back into the living room, watching Ellie clean up. "Here."

_But spring came bearing sunlight  
Those persuasive rays  
So I gave myself a few more days  
My salvation it came, quite suddenly_

Ellie took her water gratefully. "Thanks." She finished it, standing up than. "So I was wondering..." She walked closer to Craig, trying to produce "bedroom eyes", but not quite pulling it off. "If we could, um, finish what we started?" She bit her lip, feeling ridiculous. "That was terrible. Could I--" She was silenced by Craig's lips. After recovering, Ellie nodded sleepily. "I'll take that as a yes."

Craig took her hand, leading her back to the room. "Take that as a 'hell yes'."

* * *

Ellie was sure Craig had fallen asleep. She recognized the breathing pattern, deep but not too deep. She didn't want to move, fearful to wake him, but she needed to get out. She gently lifted her head off his chest, sliding from his body and tiptoeing out of the bedroom. As she walked into the open space that supplied the living room and dining area, she ransacked the cabinets, looking for her one solace in the early morning hours. Finding her poison, she plugged the conveniently near coffee machine, waiting for it to warm. Making a pot, she walked over to the large windows, sitting on the wide ledge overlooking the street below. She watched as early risers walked the streets, bags in hand, taking out garbage, heading to work or dropping their kids at school, merrily starting their days and passing by like cattle.

She took another sip of her coffee, breathing in its aroma and wondering if she could fit into their world, taking the train, making the connections, joking about the new superintendent or how the new coffee barista couldn't make her latte the right temperature. She felt tense again after the wonderful evening she shared with Craig, but she wasn't sure if she could share a life with him. They were still young, Ellie just making twenty-three a few weeks before to a room full of people she cared for most. Her mother had been there at the party Marco had thrown for her. She recounted the brief moments that Craig and her mother had spoken, the shared smiles and polite banter that was made. She remembered Craig saying she had her mother's smile and how much her mother had liked Craig's handshake. "_It's a firm handshake, strong._" She laughed to herself, thinking about the snickers Paige and Spinner threw every time Craig and Ellie were off to themselves, phrases like: _sweet_, _meant to be_, _wedding bells_. She knew that it was obvious the way they seemed to be around each other, but she still didn't seem to know the depths of her affection.

_When Justin spoke very plainly  
He said "Of course it's your decision,  
But just so you know,  
If you decide to leave,  
Soon I will follow"_

She allowed her thoughts to drift more, feeling not as Zen as she would have hoped while the sun rose over the neighborhood that could be her own if she allowed it to be. She wanted to believe in Craig's success, in the notion that he would wasn't in question however. She had no reason to feel that he would fail, hearing the songs that painted his soul daily gave her every right to know he would be wonderful. But she feared that even with everything that had happened over the past months, the closeness that the two shared, the love that she knew she had for him and wasn't completely aware of its intensity, she still held the unsettling awareness that he could possibly bolt when things weren't as wonderful. She was afraid if they hit a rough patch, he wouldn't try to salvage the relationship and simply walk away. She feared that as soon as things got tough, he'd run for the hills. She knew that she couldn't move in, not abandon her comfort zone without knowing that he'd try.

That's when she heard the groggy footsteps of her boyfriend, rubbing his eyes like he was five. "Morning."

"Morning." She looked over at the kitchen. "I made coffee."

"That's my resourceful girl." He sniffled, taking down the only other mug in the cabinet and pouring himself some. He joined her by the window, sipping gingerly. "How long you've been up?"

"A while." She tapped lightly at her mug when Craig reached out for her. Pulling her, she climbed into his lap like the night before. She looked up him again, seeing his five o'clock shadow. "You need to shave."

"I don't know. I think I might grow it out some. Give me some edge." He proceeded to rub his chin, making a thoughtful look.

"More like give me razor burn." She rubbed his cheek, giving him a peck before falling back in his chest. She felt so safe in his arms than, but how long would this last?

_I wrote this for a baby  
Who has yet to be born  
My brother's first child  
I hope that womb's not too warm  
Cause it's cold out here  
And it'll be quite a shock  
To breathe this air_

"Ellie?" He said her name tentatively, not sure what would be said after it, but knew he needed to say a few things.

"Yeah?" She turned around on his lap, facing him. "You wanna talk?"

"Yeah. I think we should. I mean, last night..." He took her hand, images of her smile, her laughter streaming across the walls of the bedroom and her fingertips grazing his guitar neck. "Last night was wonderful, but we need to talk about what's gonna happen from today on." He swallowed, trying to muster the courage to continue. "I told you that I want to move in together, but I didn't tell you why."

Ellie nodded, focusing on his every word. "And why?"

_To discover loss  
So I'd like to make some changes  
Before you arrive  
So when your new eyes meet mine  
They won't see no lies  
Just love.  
Just love._

Craig took another breathe, choosing his words carefully. "I don't want this to sound corny or stupid, it's just how I feel." He paused briefly, watching Ellie nod. "Okay. Well... I just..." He rolled his eyes, feeling self-conscious again. "I just want to be around you all the time. I don't feel like a freak around you because you see past the blocks that I make for the world to see. You just push right past them, and that scares the crap out of me, knowing I can't fool you or put up a front because you'll simple knock it down. But that's the beauty in it, I don't have to be that way around you. I can be myself and that's enough. And I like myself when I'm around you." He chuckled, seeing Ellie bite back a laugh as well. "But it doesn't stop there. I miss you when you're not around and I hate having to wonder what you're doing when you're not near me. I mean, I don't want to sound creepy or anything, but it's how I feel. I want to be around you all the time. And I want to be with you, no matter what happens. If I fail or I succeed, I want you there by my side." He took her head, not looking up. "Always." When he finally looked up, he rolled his eyes, feeling frustrated. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

Ellie sighed, shaking her head. "Not more than usual." She chuckled, gathering herself back in his lap. "It's nice to know what's on your mind." She snuggled closer to him, if it were possible. "I want to be around you all the time too." She blushed slightly, feeling him wrap his arms around her. "And I like being able to see through your defenses and figuring you out again." Her thoughts drifted back to when she read lyrics she didn't recognize, a man she didn't recognize, and never wanting that feeling of separation again. "I like knowing what you're thinking, but I like when you tell me better." She leaned her head on his shoulder, facing the rising sun. "And I want to know what you're thinking... always."

Craig kissed her temple, smelling her sweet scent and finding it more alluring than anything else in the world. "So, what's the verdict?"

Ellie shrugged. "It's gonna be hard to break the news to Marco. He's gonna be so pissed." She let a giggle escape as Craig scooped her up.

"Poor guy. But he's always welcome to come over." He placed Ellie back on the floor, pulling her into a long embrace. "So, you really want to move in?"

Ellie looked up at Craig, his piercing blue eyes glistening in the bright light that seemed to drench the room. She could imagine swimming in them, seeing her future, a future she was more than ready to start with him than, not aware until that moment how ready she was. He had been the answer all along. She knew she loved him far more than she loved anyone and would continue to love him. She loved him more than she loved herself and in his arms she could stand as tall as a mountain. "I guess I could. I mean, you'd have to help me pack."

Craig nodded solemnly. "I could manage that." He proceeded to pick Ellie up, watching her wiggle. "But first, I think we need to take care of some serious business." As he walked back to the bedroom, he felt as tall as a mountain.

_I will be pure  
No, no, I know i will be pure  
Like snow, like gold_

* * *

_Okay, two more chapter, folks. Thanks for reading!_


	13. Green Eyes

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Too broke.**_

_A/N: Moving right along. I hope everyone who is still reading this is enjoying it. And be sure to go to my profile page and check out "Crellie Playlist", which has all the songs mentioned in this story. This is the second to last chapter, so enjoy!_

* * *

"**Green Eyes"; Coldplay**

Spinner did not like being manhandled. It just was something he despised more than being stood up on for dates, more than he despised drinking the last of the milk in the refrigerator and hated more than being early for parties. So as Craig pulled him down the sidewalk to his waiting vehicle, Spinner was a little more than peeved. "Stop pulling me!" He yanked his hand back, standing right outside the car. "You can't just bang on my door at six in the morning and pull me out of my house and except me to just go anywhere you're going." He crossed his arms, pleased with his argument, even being at the ungodly hour.

Craig chuckled, opening the car door. "Would you stop being a puss-ass and get in the car. It's not like I was pulling you away from anything important."

"Oh yeah, like my sleep?" Spinner yanked on the handle and plopped own in the seat, crossing his arms in protest. "You're a real asshole sometimes."

Craig smirked, pulling on his shades in the early morning. "Don't you just love the smell of morning dew?" He inhaled obnoxiously, grinning. "Smells like hope. Smells like an adventure."

"Smells like morning dew." Spinner rolled his eyes, looking out the window as they pulled away, leaving behind the confines of his pillow, his bed and clean clothes. "You could have at least let me shower."

Craig shrugged, sniffing the air again. "You don't smell that bad and besides, it's not gonna matter when we get where we're going." He reached in his back seat, giving him a sweater. "If you feel better, you can wear this. It's clean."

Spinner grimaced as he pulled the black sweater over his head. "Thanks, I guess."

"Lighten up, will ya? I'm letting you tag along on an adventure, a pilgrimage if you will." Craig sped faster down the road, heading for the expressway.

"What are you going on about? This isn't some harebrained scheme of yours, is it? Does Ellie even know what's going on?" Spinner's eyes widen. "You aren't leaving her, are you? I mean, Ellie's awesome and too good for you if you ask me. If this is what we're doing, you can pull over--" He was stopped when Craig hit him in the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

Craig chuckled. "First, for you to shut up. Second, I'm not leaving Ellie, alright." A small smile crept on his face, looking straight ahead. "I'm actually doing the exact opposite."

Spinner looked ahead as well as it began to dawn on him where this "adventure" was headed, seeing a sign. "We're going to Calgary, aren't we?"

Craig looked at the clock, thinking that Ellie might just be getting up. "Yeah, I need to make a quick visit. I just thought you'd like to come along." As he turned, seeing Spinner demeanor drastically change from loathing to anticipation, Craig gradually sped faster down the highway.

_Honey you are a rock  
Upon which I stand  
And I come here to talk  
I hope you understand_

* * *

Ellie walked around the quad, feeling slightly off-balance since not waking beside Craig. He had told her the night before that he had a few early morning errands to run and that he wouldn't return until that evening, but she still couldn't shake the weirdness that overtook the morning. She knew it was silly to act in such a manner, having had the past three months with him beside her to wake to, but she took comfort in the fact that he was always there. She chuckled to herself, maybe she needed to relax. As she rounded the corner to her second class, she noticed Marco and Paige sitting at a nearby bench. "Hey."

Marco turned, springing from his seat. "Elle!" He wrapped his arms around her, like always, causing Paige to laugh.

"Would you act less happy to see her. You're gonna give me a complex." She stood up as well, giving Ellie a welcoming hug. "Haven't seen the likes of you in ages. So, how's married life treating you?"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "We're not married."

Marco nodded knowingly. "Yet, anyway. Just give him a little while longer. He'll pop the question."

Ellie grimaced more or less as she joined the duo on the bench, taking Marco's coffee in the process. "I don't know about that." She took a sip, handing it back to Marco. "I mean, we've only been living together for a few months. I don't think he's ready. It was a big step for him to have me move in."

"A necessary step." Paige took Marco's coffee as well, taking a bigger helping. She laughed when Marco snatched it back. "Anyway, it's not like you don't want to get married. You're crazy about the guy." She smirked. "Ever since you tried to hide him in your bedroom nearly a year ago. It's meant to be, hon."

Ellie shook her head at the distant memory, forgetting how amazing those first few months were, first kisses, first nights spent in each other's arms and the thought of seeing him again. She didn't want to excite herself, psyche herself up for something that could be much further down the road. But for a moment, she looked down at her left hand, imaging how a ring, his ring, would look. She never felt like the girls like Paige or her high school friend, Ashley, who had imagined their weddings growing up, thinking up dresses and table centerpieces. She had always been a realist, hoping for a solid relationship with someone she trusted. Now that she had that, she let the thought of more enter her mind. It didn't hurt pretending, right?

_That green eyes  
Yeah the spotlight shines upon you  
And how could anybody deny you  
I came here with a load_

* * *

Craig drummed on the steering wheel, the tension in his chest only speeding as he hit the accelerator lightly. He did like the rare moments when he was on the road, just the blue sky and the never-ending stretch of pavement ahead of him. It took him back to the few memories of his youth, ones that weren't tainted by the following events, but were simply ones of his parents, loving and caring, and how they would spend weekends in British Columbia, or going on camping trips. It was before the divorce, before the cancer, before the accident, before the pain. Shaking his head, he looked over to his partner in crime, sleeping on the window. He chuckled at the thought of opening it up just to mess with him, but he didn't particularly wanted to have a fight behind the wheel. Instead, he thought about the trip ahead and the look on his stepfather's face when he came to surprise him. It wasn't much of a surprise as he wanted it to be, knowing that he'd be around after calling him a few days prior.

Joey was the only other male figure he had in his life growing up. After his parents' passing when he was fifteen, he didn't have much else. But he did have Joey and his half-sister, Angela. Over the years, they had grown distance, choosing a career path that Joey wasn't fond of and the move to Calgary after living in Toronto for so long. Staying behind when he was eighteen, he made fewer and fewer calls to Joey and Angela, finding it hard to fit them into his new life. He would call Angela a few times a week, but as she got older, she was less and less available. Before Craig knew it, he was as removed from their lives as they were in his. He had regretted this, especially know that he had Ellie, but his family life, like hers, was a subject that they rarely discussed, even in their newly-improved relationship. Another sign passed them, only fifty more miles until Alberta, and he would be face to face with a man he hadn't seen in nearly three years.

* * *

Ellie left her final class with some satisfaction, feeling confident that she aced the final exam, letting relief take over as she walked toward her car. She was finished for the semester and wasn't due back on campus for three entire months. She looked forward to the summer breaks, a time in her youth when she would have the customary family vacations to Montreal or visit family in the States, but recently, summers were occupied by applications for financial aid, the odd jobs to support her and Marco when they weren't living off of housing income or late nights with her mother if she would fall back into the bottle after too many evenings alone. She wistfully thought about the carefree days of yesteryear, days where both her parents seemed to be the happiest people in the world and things like war or alcoholism never seemed to filter through her home. Looking back, she could resent the pitfalls of her adolescence and her early adulthood, but she couldn't. Somehow, all those events seemed to bring her to where she was today.

Driving down the street, seeing the neighborhood that she had fondly called home for the past three months, she found comforted by her past decisions. It wasn't often when she had felt that way, knowing countless times she would find herself up at the wee hours of the morning, contemplating certain actions, certain events that she may or may not had control over and feeling helpless. But as of that very moment, things seemed to be nearly perfect. And it made her nervous. As always, she had been a realist, through and through, being the one to always wait for the other shoe to drop, the catch in every scheme and never finding true delight in anything that came too easy. She knew that what she had worked hard for the relationship she had with Craig, taking months for it to get to where it was now. They had crossed several hurdles, had made more connections than burned bridges and underneath everything, there lied a truth that couldn't be touched or defaced, that they loved each other completely.

"Hey Ellie." A blond woman held the elevator door open for Ellie as she boarded. "How was finals?"

Ellie smiled kindheartedly. "Oh, they went well. I think I really did well in my last one I just took." She smiled inwardly, looking over at the older woman who was her neighbor from down the hall. She was the first person she met from the building who wasn't completely self-adsorbed. She had two young children that went to the expensive daycare down the street, complete with the other fine points that made Little 5 Points the Greenwich Village of the North. "How's Ralph? Is he over his cold?"

The blond smiled. "Oh, that was nice of you to ask. Yeah, he's feeling better. Still has the sniffles." She shrugged like all mothers did when things like colds and expensive, private daycares were the norm.

As the elevator stopped on their floor, Ellie walked off first, suddenly feeling suffocated. "Have a good day, Courtney."

Courtney smiled. "You too, love. Tell Craig I said 'Hello'."

"Will do." Ellie nearly ran to her door, opening and closing almost simultaneously. Sighing, she plopped down on her couch and basked in the normalcy they had managed to capture in the confines of their apartment together. It wasn't as well-kept as she had liked at times, but it was their home, together. She glanced over at her pile of notebooks and papers from school, mountains of work she wouldn't have to worry about for months. And as always, Craig's belongings seemed to jumble with hers. His notebooks of his scribblings could be found in nearly every crevices, from the kitchen counter to the desk they both shared in the far corner. They weren't the best housekeepers, but it was organized to a degree and they were happy. Ellie walked around, picking up here and there, attempting to make the place not look like a pig sty when she came across a note.

_Ellie--_

_Just wanted to tell you good luck and that I'll be back later tonight to celebrate. I know you kicked ass! Can't wait to see you later._

_Love, Craig_

Ellie chuckled as she walked back to the table, grabbing other garbage and paper to be thrown away. She knew that they weren't exactly the kind of people that lived in places like this, with the kind of assets as her neighbors, but in these walls, she was home.

* * *

Pulling down the familiar street, he nudged Spinner. "Hey, man. We're almost there." He shook his head as Spinner appeared to be in a deeper sleep than first observed. "Hey!" He nudged him harder, hearing his head knock on the window.

"What the hell, dude?!" Spinner rubbed his head, grumbling obscenities under his breath. "What time is it?"

"Why? You have someplace to be?"

"Now you ask me? Like it matters now, anyhow." He rolled his eyes, scanning the clock. It was a little after one in the afternoon. "I'm hungry. You have any food?"

Craig shrugged. "Check in the glove compartment." He watched on as Spinner pulled out a bag of pretzels. "We're almost there, man. I'm sure Joey will cook you something."

"Does he even know we're coming or is this some kind of a surprise?" He had a sneaking suspicion it was latter, knowing his companion and his tendencies to do spur-of-the-moment crap like today, hoping that Ellie could tame him eventually. "Look, if this isn't planned, I'll just wait in the car, alright? I'm not gonna bombard--"

"Could you stop sounding like a buzzkill for two seconds? Thanks." Craig pulled around the driveway, seeing Joey's car. "See, he's home. No worries." He jumped out of the car, tossing his sunglasses in the seat. "Come on, Spin. You can't stay in the car. What would Joey think?"

"That I'm not nuts and that I was brought here _not_ on my own free will." Spinner slunk back in his seat, chumping on the pretzel sticks.

"All the more reason to come with me. I mean, at least you know that you didn't come out here for no reason." He smiled widely, trying to reel him in like he always seemed to do with everyone, knowing his charm was unfailing. As he watched Spinner roll his eyes and open his side of the car, he wore a nearly identical smile, one of victory. "Come on, it's gonna be fun seeing Joey." He patted his friend's back, leading him up the walkway to the modest home at the end of the block. He rang the doorbell, looking around when it opened.

Craig and Spinner both were face to face with Angela, standing nearly five feet tall. "Craig?" It took her a moment before she rushed into his arms, allowing to be swung around. She hit him playfully when he put her back on the ground. "Why didn't you tell me you'd be over?"

Craig shrugged. "Surprise." He blocked the following blows Angela dished out, before she screamed for Joey. She beckoned for Craig and Spinner to enter, practically skipping to find her father. Craig made an overall look of the place, seeing few changes since he had last made the trip out West. Again, he was overcome with the reminiscence of his youth and how no matter how long it had been, he knew that family could be found here and that he could always come home again. Spinner nudged him, causing Craig to turn and see his stepfather, nearly pale in the face. "Hey Joey."

Joey rubbed his face from shock before rushing over to embrace his stepson. "Craig. It's good to see you." He patted him on the back, pulling away. "It would have been nice to get a call."

Craig shrugged. "Yeah, I know. But surprises are way more fun, don't you think?"

Joey rolled his eyes, grabbing Craig for another quick embrace. "You look really good, kiddo."

Craig nodded. "I feel really good."

Joey quickly embraced Spinner, before heading toward the back of the house. "Well, make yourselves at home. If you're hungry, I was about to make some sandwiches for me and Ange." Spinner perked up slightly as he followed Joey.

Angela hopped on a stool, looking over Spinner. "Are you in your pajamas?"

Spinner looked over at Craig, rolling his eyes. "It's a long story." He smiled when Joey handed him a large sandwich, taking a hungry bit.

Angela giggled. "Never mind." She wiggled her eyebrows at Craig, laughing as he made a face. "So, why did you come out here anyway?"

Joey nodded. "That's a good question."

Spinner conceded, wiping his mouth. "I think we'd all like to know." He noticed Angela and Joey's confused faces. "Yeah, I don't have a clue what's going on either."

Craig felt slightly cornered, putting up his hands defensively. "Okay, okay. Well, since you're all here, I guess it's safe to tell you all. I came out here to get my mom's engagement ring." As the room filled with gasps of shock and excitement, Craig smiled lightly. "I figured I needed it for something I have planned for tonight."

_And it feels so much lighter now I met you  
And honey you should know  
That I could never go on without you  
Green eyes_

* * *

Ellie had just finished cleaning the apartment to the point where you could identify the difference between the kitchen and the living room when someone knocked on the door. Looking through the peephole, she smiled as she threw the door open. "This is a lovely surprise." She bounced up and down, excitement overcoming her.

Ashley Kerwin shrugged, as she walked into the loft. "Well, I knew you just finished finals and me and Jimmy were heading up here to visit everyone so I thought I make you the first stop." She giggled as Ellie and her shared a hug. "It took me forever to find this place. You do realize it's more or less in an abandoned stockyard."

Ellie chuckled. "A very well groomed one." She took her to the couch, as they both pulled their legs underneath themselves. "So, how's New York?"

Ashley waved her hand absentmindedly. "Oh, you know. It's New York. It's always changing." She laughed out loud at Ellie's expression. "I'm kidding. It's beyond amazing. I love it there. You have to come visit."

Ellie shrugged, heading for the kitchen. "Want some coffee?"

"Always." As Ellie headed back, she felt slightly self-conscious. "Sorry about the mess."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "I think you found your mate. He's a big as of slob as you." She chuckled as she sipped. "So, where is this guy anyway?"

Ellie turned back to the note that still laid on the table. "He's out. He'll be back later tonight."

Ashley pouted. "Too bad. I wanted to meet the infamous Craig Manning that stolen my best friend's heart and kept her from visiting me more." She smiled playfully, scooting closer. "So, since he's not here, we can gossip." She rolled her eyes animatedly, exaggerating everything for good measure. "That was my best Paige impression, you have to give me more than a smile for that."

Ellie laughed again, forgetting how much she had missed her best girlfriend who wasn't as fashion forward as Marco and as gossipy as Paige, but far more outgoing. She shook off the thought, getting closer to Ashley. "Not much to really gossip about. I mean, Paige and Alex are still together, as much of a shock as that is."

"I know. I mean, I thought it was just one of Paige's many phases. You know, when she had her hair in that ponytail thing for a few weeks back in Grade 10." Ashley shrugged. "I'm glad she found someone that's willing to keep up with her."

"Yeah, Alex is definitely that." Ellie sipped more from her coffee as she watched Ashley walk around the apartment.

"I have to say, this is sweet digs for kids our age. I'm sure everyone here are like a full generation older than us." Ashley fingered the table, stopping at a few picture frames.

"Yeah, most of our neighbors are artists and stuff, you know, like photographers and sculptors. All that jazz." She joined Ashley on the other side of the room, noticing her holding a picture of her and Craig. They were at a release party for his first EP, all smiles.

"He's gorgeous, Ellie. Nice work." She scooped up Ellie's arm, linking it with her own. "I guess you finally found your doe-eyed beauty with a guitar, eh?" She chuckled, placing the picture back. "So, when are you crazy kids getting hitched?"

"What is with everyone thinking he's gonna ask?" Ellie walked back to the couch, joined by Ashley. She leaned her head on her shoulder, feeling Ashley stroke her hair. "It's not that I don't want to get married, but... right now?"

"It doesn't have to be right now." Ashley sighed. "Look, we've known each other for what, ten years?" She lifted Ellie's chin, looking at her with a hidden wisdom Ellie still couldn't seem to capture. "I know you inside and out and I know that you're happy with this guy. Whenever I call you, you talk nothing but 'Craig this' and Craig that' until I have to beg you to stop. And you... radiate, Elle. It's almost contagious." She smiled again, bringing her into her arms. "It's wonderful to be loved, isn't it? And if you could have that forever, what would prevent you from having that?"

Ellie nodded. "I know, it's not that I don't think about it." She blushed inwardly, thinking about the image of a ring on her left hand. "I just don't know if we're exactly ready, you know?"

Ashley nodded again, giving another otherworldly smile. "That's what are engagements are for... to get ready. And when you are, you get married."

Ellie chuckled. "It can't be that easy."

Ashley pulled her best friend closer, wrapping her with loving arms. "Of course, it is. Life doesn't always have to be hard. Sometimes the biggest things in life are the easiest to have."

Ellie pulled away, looking at Ashley cock-eyed. "What is this horse shit?"

Ashley shrugged. "It's New York. Wisdom just comes with the territory." She giggled as Ellie slapped her with a throw pillow, reminding her that they were still only twenty-three and very new to adulthood.

* * *

"Engaged? You're getting engaged?" Joey nearly fell over as he plopped into a seat by the table. "My stepson is getting married." He shook his head, looking over at Craig with a wave of nostalgia and pride. "Who's the lucky girl?"

Craig looked over at Spinner, who had taken a seat near Angie, hiding his all-knowing smile behind his hand. "Um, her name is Ellie." He blushed slightly saying her name. "She's amazing, Joey. I mean, she's a woman any man would want to stand beside." He sighed, looking back up at Joey. "I'm crazy about her."

Joey was suddenly taken by surprise by the raw emotion that his stepson, who was more of a son than anything else, sent his way. He stood, patting him on the shoulder. "I think we should talk more in private." He beckoned Craig to his bedroom as they left Spinner and Angie alone in the kitchen.

Angie looked over Spinner with an appraising eye. "So he really dragged you out of the house looking like that?"

Spinner shrugged. "Yeah." He felt uneasy under her glare. "Why aren't you in school?"

"Summer vacation." She stuck her tongue out, giggling when Spinner nudged her. "Hey, you wanna play Wii. Dad just got me the system for my birthday."

"Most definitely." He waited for Angie to show him the way as they headed to play virtual games.

Craig took a seat by Joey's bureau as Joey took a seat on his bed. "So, tell me more about this girl, I mean woman."

Craig shrugged. "Well, she helped me a lot over the past year. I mean, I had gotten pretty bad a few months ago."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, you told me about that." He remembered the earlier phone calls from the emergency room, still being his contact after all these years. He very nearly made the trip to Toronto, but after being convinced by Craig and his doctors that he had someone taking care of him, the pieces of the puzzle was coming together. "She was the one helping you than."

"Yeah, but it was before that too. I mean, she gave me confidence and believed in me." He shrugged as he walked around the room. "Even before we got serious, I felt better with her around. And she's messed up too." He chuckled. "I mean, she has her demons too, you know? And I guess for a while I let that hold me back from being myself completely, but now..." He stopped when he saw a picture of himself at age sixteen, holding his first guitar. He had just learned that he was bi-polar and falling into music had always been his own form of therapy. Some things hadn't changed. "But now, I can't imagine myself being any other way." And on the other hand, other things did.

Joey joined Craig at the picture as images of a confused and scared boy that had to handle complexities that no person should have to, and seeing the man that still seemed confused and scared, but he knew that he could handle it all, and hopefully his Ellie would stand beside him. "I'll support anything you decide to do." He went digging in his dresser drawer, pulling out the coveted velvet box. He opened it briefly, looking at the engagement ring that he had once given to the most caring woman he had ever known. "And I'm sure she's worth it." As he handed it over to Craig, he released a smile. "Is she pretty?"

Craig scoffed. "She's perfect."

_Honey you are the sea  
Upon which I float  
And I came here to talk  
I think you should know_

* * *

Ashley grabbed her sweater, heading for the door. "I better get going, you know how Jimmy gets." She grabbed again for another quick embrace before opening the door. "I'll be in town for a few days, so you know that I have to meet this guy."

Ellie pouted, seeing her friend leave. "You should stay for dinner. I can whip something up really quick." She pulled Ashley back into the apartment. "Come on, it'll be like old times."

Ashley sighed, frowning. "I know, but I have to get going. I wish I could stay, but I promise I'll be over tomorrow. I have to go over to the parent's house. My mom would kill me if I was in town more than three hours without see her." She rolled her eyes for good measure, throwing her arms around Ellie one last time. "See ya later, Elle."

"Later, Ash." She watched her walk back down the hall, feeling slightly more alone than before.

* * *

Craig pulled Spinner down the stairs. "Come on, man. We have to hurry back to Toronto before it gets too late."

Spinner yanked his arm back. "What did I tell you about manhandling me?" He spun around when Angie was laughing at him. "What's so funny?"

Angie shrugged. "Nothing. It's just you really suck at Wii. I mean, look at your highest score. I babysit a kid down the street and he did better than you."

"Okay, let's get outta here. I don't need this leaking out." He hurried down the stairs as Angie continued to laugh in his absence.

Craig turned to Joey again, giving him another hug. "Thanks, man. For everything."

"Just as long as you send us an invitation." He winked as he opened the door. "Have a safe drive home." He waved them down the sidewalk, watching them as they drove off into the distance.

_The green eyes, you're the one  
that I wanted to find  
And anyone who tried to  
deny you, must be out of  
their mind_

* * *

Ellie washed off the final plate from dinner, seeing that it was nearly ten after ten. She was getting antsy at the late hour, wondering where Craig was. She usually didn't get so preoccupied by his absence but with all the talk about them and marriage, she felt uneasy. As she was drying the plate off, the phone rang. Hoping it was Craig, she nearly ran across the room. "Hello?"

"Hey, babe. What are you doing right this very second?"

Ellie rolled her eyes at the sound of Marco on the other end. "Just ate a late dinner. No sign of Craig. You know? The regular events on a Friday evening."

"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. Look it, you're just worrying over nothing. I'm sure he's on his way home from wherever he went. Maybe he had a gig or something."

Ellie shook his head. "No, he would have said so. He said he had a few errands to run and stuff. He said he'd be back late, I guess I just figured he'd be back by now."

Marco sighed. "Well, did you hear that the lovely Ashley Kerwin has touched base in Toronto again. I just got off the phone with her."

"Yeah, she was actually over here earlier. We caught up and everything."

"Oh, well, anyway. I was wondering if you wanted some company or something. Felipe has to work late and I was just lonely. Missing you, like always."

Ellie chuckled. "We are so co-dependent, it's sad, really."

"I know, but somehow I don't feel so apologetic about it." She could hear him smile over the phone. "Anyway, I'll be up all night if you want to rant to me about how irresponsible and inconsiderate your boyfriend can be. We can both rag on our men. How mine stays at work until the wee hours of the morning and how yours doesn't call."

"Sounds like a plan." Ellie laughed. "I miss you a lot too, you know."

She heard another smile over the line. "Did you try calling him?"

"Yeah, I called him twice, but I guess wherever he is he can't get any range. His phone's not off, just no answer." She involuntarily lurched over, grabbing his stomach as knots formed. "He'll call me when he's nearly home."

Marco chuckled. "I'm sure he will. I'll talk to you later when you're ready and pissed off to talk about what scumbags boyfriends can be. Love you, doll."

"You too." She clicked off, feeling not much better than before, not that she could blame Marco. Sleep seemed to wave an invisible wand over her as she grew drowsy by the minute. Walking to their bedroom, she threw on some pajamas and brushed her teeth. Without much more production, she slipped under the covers, hoping when she opened her eyes again, Craig would be lying beside her.

* * *

As Craig pulled in front of his once apartment he shared with Spinner, he nudged the sleeping lump beside him. "Dude, you're home."

Spinner groaned. "But I'm sleepy." He shook suddenly, blinking as Craig stifled a laugh. "Shut up." He opened the door, stepping out before turning around. He nodded, smiling wider than he had all day. "Good luck, man. I'm sure she'll love it."

Craig smiled. "Thanks for coming with me today. I know I should have told you, but I guess I just needed someone there with me... even if you were sleep most of the way there and back." He shook hands with Spinner, watching him close the door and head home. Pulling off, he was riddled with the many thoughts he had tried to avoid when he was en route to and from Calgary. _Would she accept his proposal? Would she be frightened off? Was he really for this now?_ The last one he knew the answer to. He had been more ready than he could ever be, knowing that he wanted nothing more to spend the rest of his life with Ellie, making her his own forever. But what troubled him the most was if she was ready.

He walked into their home, finally at ease as he was surrounded by their stuff, things that they shared and what made them a couple. He could nearly envision pictures of their wedding lining the walls, and as they might leave this place eventually, he knew that they would be just as happy married. He walked to their bedroom, seeing her small frame tucked away under the covers, looking more like an angel than the spirited cynic she was when she was awake. He gently sat on the edge, kicking off his shoes when he felt her stir. Turning, he was face to face with her angelic mug. "Hey you."

_Because I came here with a load  
And it feels so much  
lighter since I met you  
Honey you should know  
That I could never go on without you  
Green eyes, green eyes  
Oh oh oh oh_

Ellie rubbed her face, shaking her head. "Where have you been?" She scooted closer to him as he stretched out his arm to scoop her up. "I was worried, thinking you were in some dish on the side of the road."

Craig rolled his eyes. "You really jump to the extremes, don't you?"

Ellie shrugged, thinking about the day and all the extremities that were constantly being thrown at her. "I suppose it was just one of those days." She cuddled closer to him as he lay next to her on top of the covers. "Did you get everything you needed to get done today?"

Craig looked at her again, her perfect green eyes staring up at him like a beacon of hope that rescued him from a fate he never wanted to ever venture or discover. She was his light in the darkness and warmth that seemed to keep him from dying in the cold, cruel world. She was his home and nothing seemed to compare to the feeling of being home at last. "Not quite."

Ellie chuckled. "What did you forget. To do laundry? Because you might want to throw that shirt in the wash. It's smells pretty ripe." She chuckled until she watched Craig pulled a small box from his jeans pocket. Without thinking, a lump grew in her throat, making it impossible for her to breath.

Craig took a deep breath as he sat up in the bed, taking Ellie's hand. "Ellie... I love you so much. And even that doesn't seem to be enough. I mean, just saying it doesn't amount to how I really feel about you." He took another shaky breath, looking down at the small box and back into her eyes. "You've saved me. You saved me from myself when I was on the verge of self-destruction and you saved me the trouble of ever looking for something better because there's nothing better than you." He watched a tear fall down Ellie's cheek, wiping it away. "I can't begin to repay you for everything you've done for me, but I figure that I could start by promising you that I'm willing to spend the rest of my life to do so." He quivered as he opened the box, showing off a modest but brilliantly cut ring. "Ellie, baby... would you marry me?"

Ellie was sure that she had blacked out at least three times during his testimony. But she was certain that she caught every word, feeling herself shake as she took the ring from the box and placed it on her left finger, finding its permanent place. She had imagined it, looking so much like this ring and being a realist, nothing seemed more real than the love that seemed to surround the two of them in their bed, in their home. She kissed him than, a kiss so passionate she was positive she disappeared for a moment in it. Without leaving his side, she curled into his arms, looking back at the ring. "Mrs. Ellie Manning... has a nice ring to it."

_Honey you are a rock  
Upon which I stand_

* * *

_The last chapter will be up over the weekend. Thank you so much readers!_


	14. Lovesong

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Pretty sure it's never gonna happen at this rate.**_

_A/N: Hey y'all! I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Things have been a bit crazy at the moment, school, work, life in general. So yeah, I'm back to finish this little story. I would just like to thank everyone who has read this story and continued to review. It means so much. Without further ado, the epilogue. _

"**Lovesong"; The Cure**

* * *

The breeze seemed to chill her shoulders as she stood looking over the ocean, smelling the salty air, allowing her senses to become intoxicated by its scent. Ellie frowned, feeling apprehensive about the following day, the moment when everything would change, when her life would be forever intertwined with another. The urge to bolt seemed appealing, like it always had when things got too difficult, too scary, too real. She could run, never looking back right now. She was at a far enough distance that if she left now, he wouldn't be able to find her until she was long gone. But as always, the feeling of leaving everything behind only seemed right with Craig at her side. For everything she might have accomplished, for everything she might have seen, for everything she might have been before now, she was standing here, facing tomorrow because of him. And as uncertain the horizon seemed from where she stood, she knew that she could walk confidently in the dark with him by her side. But right now, she needed to be alone, think about what this could mean, and as the fading sunlight wrapped around her body, she held on the notion that she was still able to do this, if only for that night.

* * *

The room was crowded, even the air seemed thinner as he watched the throngs of people filter in and out of the ballroom, nobodies that only stood in the vast room because they supposedly knew who he was, but no one in there cared about him, not really. His friends, the people that actually loved him were there as well, but they seemed too fixated on the atmosphere, the glamor of the soirée that his producers threw for him for his bachelorhood coming down to an end. The whole event seemed ostentatious, only making Craig feel even more desperate to ditch it as soon as possible to find Ellie. They had spent the final days before the wedding apart, trying to make the honeymoon more romantic, but his dreams seemed to turn more violent of late, increasingly anxious as to what she was up to, afraid she might have gotten second thoughts due to the separation. He knew it ridiculous to overreact, but he needed to see her, if only for that night.

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am home again  
Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am whole again_

* * *

Ellie sat in the sand, quenching her toes in the wetness of it and closing her eyes. She needed this, she thought. She wanted to be alone for a little while. In her mind, she had always been alone. No one ever truly understood her difficult relationship with her parents, especially her mother. She had always had her own problems to carry on her shoulders, the weight being a constant reminder of her faults and never really relieving the burden to someone else. She liked to think that Craig understood her lack of confidence, the thought of being the loner and the responsibilities it entailed. But there was something in Craig's eyes, a quiet confidence she only could touch being near him, have it radiate off of him and become one with him. They seemed to fit so well together, at times she feared that if something should happen... she would dissolve into herself, crumbling under the weight of his loss. She didn't like she was so effected by another like that. She needed to be apart from him. As much as she still loved him, as much as she contested that the moon and sun set on his shoulders, she still couldn't give herself to him completely. She feared above all else, that as much as they seemed to love one another, she might lose him. As crazy as the idea was, it was far more complicated to convince her intricate heart.

* * *

Craig walked to length of the room, seeing all the exit signs and contemplating his escape route, but he was stalled by a friendly face. "What's up, man? You look spooked."

Craig chuckled, patting Spinner on the back. "You enjoying yourself?"

"I should ask you the same question. This isn't my party." Spinner smirked, knowing too well what had Craig so distracted. "Don't worry, man. After tomorrow, you never have to worry about her being out of your sight. She'll be legally yours."

"You sound like she's my prized horse or something."

"Well, she does have a strong back." After laughing from Craig's nudge in the ribs, he shrugged. "I'm just saying that she will be yours forever and always and all that lovey-dovey crap that married people have together."

"Oh yeah, that's us." Craig tried to relax, but the urge to flee the scene and find Ellie was increasing more urgent. "Look, I think I'm gonna take off for a while, get some fresh air."

Spinner nodded. "Yeah, okay. But if they ask me where you went, I'll tell you jumped ship, fearful of being strapped with the ball and chain."

"Whatever works." He patted Spinner on the back again, as he turned to the closet exit, nearly racing to his car. He wasn't sure where he was headed, but if he drove long enough, he was certain that the fates would lead him to her. They had been doing a great job so far in that department, he figured he could rely on them one last time before he made everything official.

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am young again  
Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am fun again_

* * *

It was the beach, in late June. The temperature was dropping as the sun disappeared by the horizon and she could feel her teeth click as she wrapped her arms around her body. She didn't think her little excursion through as she sat in the cold, wet sand, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean at the edge of the Earth. She always loved being on the beach as a child, going more reluctant of it in her teen years and finding herself drawn to it in her present age, the freedom of it seemed to beckon her like a siren. She was disconcerted, the fear of losing something she wasn't sure she ever possessed dawned on her that morning as she laid on Marco's couch, watching the ceiling fan rotate above her. She had eventually trained her eyes to watch each blade in motion, later making her own head spin. But she held onto the idea of the constant movement, the stationary feeling that she found herself in. Yes, she was getting married that following afternoon and yes, she was going to be making the ultimate step, the biggest commitment someone could make to another, but was it really what was happening? Or was she only making the next step because like the blades, it was just the direction she seemed to be going in.

A single tear fell down her cheek, hating that these were the final thoughts that were racing through her mind on her last evening as a single woman. She had been with Craig for nearly two years, their engagement being nearly a year after last spring when he proposed in their quiet bedroom, the hopes and promise of tomorrow, riding on the waves of the future filling their lungs. She had never loved him more than she did in that moment. But that was over a year ago. As the months passed, the certainty of their union seemed to dissipate, the ill-fated exchanges of words, harsh in tone and poisonous with its application, making the wedding or the relationship even more strained. She had nearly left him after one of their more heated arguments, not sure what had happened to the starry-eyed kids with so much confidence of their lives together. But the last year changed them, the fear that that might be losing everything they held near and dear, the promise that at the end of the day, they had themselves to face and answer to. Ellie didn't like having to answer to someone else, being accountable to another person, and as that realization became more real, the urge to push it further away became more necessary.

What scared her the most was Craig's reaction to her uncertainty. However distant Ellie felt she was being, Craig only seemed that more persistent to be that more closer. She would run a mile, and he would be at the corner waiting for her to get there. She couldn't escape his pull, which at one time seemed to be the one thing that drew her to him, but only now did it make her want to run the other direction. She didn't like the feeling of losing it all. She felt her freedom slipping through her fingers, and it wasn't until recently that her freedom seemed to be a deciding factor in her life's decisions. She never seemed to be that conscious of what the paths she chose, figuring that they were made for her to go down, but it the thought that she might have possibly missed out on something, anything, that kept her up at night. While Craig laid peacefully oblivious beside her, she would stare up at the ceiling watching the lights flicker and wondering if she should be out in the world along with the passing cars, going to far off destinations that she was only too eager to discover. But as soon as she would have that fleeting urge to leave, Craig's face would seem to guide her back in his protective arms and the thoughts would fade. But as she sat there, freezing, she resigned in her own pride, determined to keep her distant. She needed to figure this out on her own. She only hoped that she could do it in enough time before fate decided it for her.

* * *

Craig pulled out of the parking lot, relieved that he was able to slip out without being detected by anyone other than Spinner, which he was sure wouldn't rat him out. It wasn't until he neared the exit that he saw his manager walking toward his car, standing in front of it. "And where do you think you're going?"

Craig rolled his eyes as he watched Scott near the side window. "Look, I just needed to get some space for a little while, clear my head."

"And that's why I ordered all the entertainment." Scott chuckled. "What better way than getting the fiancé off your mind than some very friendly ladies?"

"I don't want some random stripper, okay? I just need some space away from everyone."

Steve nodded. "Whatever, kiddo. But if you don't mind, I'm gonna help myself to this one pretty little thing in there. The one with the pigtails." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, but chuckled nonetheless. "For what its worth, I think Ellie and you will be fine. You seem to really care for each other. Nothing's more beautiful than that." He hit the roof of the car a few times, sending Craig on his way.

Craig shook his head as he drove away, finding his manager amusing enough, but he knew that Scott might have been humoring him about him and Ellie. Craig had had his doubts about them frequently. He tried to make himself distracted, not allowing the tainted thoughts roam in his mind in the middle of the night. He knew that Ellie would tend to wake up in the middle of the night and wonder around the apartment, preoccupied with anxiety about their nuptials, but Craig would often fantasize about what happened after the fact, usually finding himself ten years in the future, and he would always find her beside him, wrapped in his arms protectively. It was easy thinking of everything packaged so neatly, but it wasn't what kept him up at night alongside her. He feared that one day, Ellie would come to realize that she was a far better person than Craig could ever be and leave him. She might have changed him for the better and saved him from himself, but Ellie could have easily found someone else who was less of a headache, someone that could offer her more instead of constantly taking. He needed her to survive, and he constant fear was her realization that she didn't need him. Momentum igniting him, he pressed the accelerator, praying his instincts wouldn't fail him. Night had fallen hours before and the urgency only seemed to increase as the chilly evening progressed.

_However far away  
I will always love you  
However long I stay  
I will always love you  
Whatever words I say  
I will always love you  
I will always love you_

* * *

It was well after eleven o'clock. Having been there for several hours now, she grew tired, fearful that the drive home might be slightly dangerous if she might have fallen asleep at the wheel. Regretting making this expedition in the first place, she stood up, walking to the scattered boulders that sat near the surf. She crawled up on the largest one, pulling her sweater of over her hands and did her best to keep herself warm. Common sense usually would kick in around now, telling her to call someone to pick her up, to even going back in her car to warm up. But she couldn't leave the serenity that the beach held, the possibility that stretched along the water's edge. She fought back the drowsiness that overcame her repeatedly, determined to hold on a few more moments, knowing she had to get every bit of freedom she could get.

And that's when it struck her. Why was she here? There wasn't any freedom to found there on this beach, only the false idea that she could lose herself to the waves. Being on this beach wasn't going to erase the fears she had for her future with Craig, even if the fears seemed to overpower the realization that she couldn't run from them. But she couldn't hide out here, thinking that if she did, it would somehow make everything less frightening. She wanted Craig than, his strong arms wrapped around her. She was foolish to think that she could go on in this life without being near him. Where she ended, he began, and no matter how she arranged it in her mind, nothing could change that simple fact. It wasn't that she didn't love Craig, she always had for as long as she's known him, the image of him serenading her in the crowded lounge bar. It wasn't that she couldn't see herself being with him forever, it was easy to imagine. But as the hilarity of her deepest fears reached the surface, the idea of losing something she never truly wanted in the first place made everything seem less benign. She never really had freedom, always attached to someone, albeit her mother or her own insanity. But the notion of having Craig as her one attachment seemed almost as welcoming as the warm breeze that seemed to envelop her, taking her from her darkened thoughts and bringing her closer to the future that seemed destined to occur.

* * *

Craig drove around up the streets and down the boulevards, frantically searching for Ellie. He knew that she wasn't with Paige and Marco, enjoying the festive gathering he insisted on her having before the big day. He knew that she had wanted to go for a drive, figuring she would be either at her mother's or up the coast, but as he drew nearer to her usual haunts, the suspicious feeling that she would turn up someplace else seemed to gnaw at his insides. Growing worrisome, he tried to call her a fifth time in the last hour, knowing it was pointless as she had turned it off, but he needed to try. He hated the fear that was surging through him. He wanted to trust her, needed to trust that she could be on her own. She had always trusted him, even after seeing his dark side. The truth was, as long as he had known Ellie, she had never really let him see her dark side. She always seemed to be the most stable between the two, less opt to have an episode or go into shock. He knew of her condition, but she never allowed him to see her fall into depression, always keeping her best face. But like all secrets, they usually slipped into our subconscious, turning up in the night where no one seemed to be aware. He would watch her sometimes, intrigued to how she could hold it together, but knowing she would lose it in private.

He hit the steering wheel, anger rapidly coursing through his veins. They were supposed to getting married the next day, and yet the most intimate part of the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with was still contained behind closed doors. He didn't want her to be in pain, but he needed to know if she could open up to him if she were in pain. He had done everything in his power to open up to her, letting down every guard and breaking apart every boundary for her, and yet, she hadn't down the same for him. There was pockets of her life, her personality that she still hadn't unleashed and he wanted to see them, had to see them. If it meant so much for him to be honest with her, why couldn't she do the same for him? Nearing the ocean, he saw her green Mini Cooper, a grimace instead of his usual smile graced his face, knowing that something needed to break the final wall down.

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am free again  
Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am clean again_

* * *

Ellie heard a car approach behind her over the bluffs, more than certain it was Craig as she turned to see who it might have been. She felt a wave of nausea and panic hit her instantly, quickly following a surge of absolute gratitude. She jumped to her feet, racing to meet him halfway. "Craig!" She ran into his arms, but froze when he didn't return the gesture. "What's wrong?"

Craig stood still, not moving his arms, but looking down at her. "Are you ever going to crumble in front of me?"

"What?" Ellie shook her head, confused. "Where is this coming from?"

"I opened up for you. I changed for you. And you can't do the same for me. We talk, but it never really goes anywhere, does it? I mean... when I asked you to be my wife, I thought we would finally get to a place where I knew you better than myself. But somehow, it only seems like you know me." He crossed his arms, trying to block the heavy winds. "And standing in front of you... I don't know you. I have literally fallen apart before your eyes, laid in a hospital bed, went to therapy and went through hell and back and yet, you seem to have all these problems that I haven't yet to tamper. It's as if... you don't want me to know that part of you."

Ellie watched on in a stunned silence. She couldn't understand what made him feel this way, trying to piece together the past few days with each other, figuring the separation had made him paranoid. "Craig... I want you to know me. You _do_ know me. You know me better than anyone--"

"No I don't! You hide it from me, like it would change how I feel about you if you dare show me anything less than perfect." He grabbed her arm. "I know you used to cut. And I've looked at those fading scars for years and all I ever wanted was for you to open up to me and talk to me about them. Tell me why you used to do that, let me in... but you haven't. You just brush it off like it was a phase. You say that you let me in, but I couldn't tell you what one scar means, what you were thinking, how you felt... and I want to know, Ellie. I need to know."

Ellie turned away from him, the urge to run again creeping up her spine. "I don't cut anymore. I did it for a few weeks in high school and once in college. But I don't do it anymore. I got help." She turned to face him again. "It's a part of my life that doesn't impede on what I have right now, and that includes you. You were different... your illness was effecting everything from your music to our relationship!"

"And you don't think that hiding a part of your life isn't effecting our relationship?"Craig threw his hands in the air helplessly. "I'm trying to get to that part of you that no one can seem to touch." He rushed toward her, throwing his arms around her waist. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, but I can't go to that church tomorrow until I know that we're in this together. No secrets. No boundaries. Just us."

Ellie reached to his face, softly stroking his cheek as she watched the moonlight cling to the locks of his ebony hair. She searched for the freedom that she had longed for so many years in his eyes, the instinctive prickling of knowing that she had it all along with him. She shook her head, speechless. Taking another moment to collect her thoughts, she sighed softly. "I... I thought if I was strong, untainted, that maybe I didn't have to burden you with my problems. I thought if I handled it on my own, you could focus on yourself. I didn't want to get in the way of your progress, making everything complicated because I had an episode." She chuckled. "I just figured we could keep it to a minimum."

Craig pulled her closer. "I don't want you to have a breakdown or anything. I just... I want you to be able to come to me if you feel overwhelmed. I want to be your safety net, like you're mine. I want you to be able to trust me. You can trust me, you can let me in. No matter how crazy you might be..." He kissed her forehead gently, slowly making his way toward her mouth, lingering there for a moment longer. "Know that I'm crazy about you."

Ellie laughed despite herself. An overwhelming urge to hold him tighter occurred, growing nearer. For all her faults, for all her worry, she had someone that was not only willing to see her completely stripped, but encouraged it. She didn't think she could love him more than that quiet evening that felt like so long ago, but there he stood. As much as she was his savior, he was hers. And she was more than certain that she wanted him to be hers forever. "We're quite the pair aren't we?"

Craig nodded as the two stood in the wet sand, the hour striking midnight and only in a matter of hours that would be standing in a church in front of their loved ones, pronounces their love to them. It wasn't until than however, the two in an embrace that the actual commitment seemed plausible. "Yes we are."

_However far away  
I will always love you  
However long I stay  
I will always love you  
Whatever words I say  
I will always love you  
I will always love you_

* * *

**FIN.**

_And that's it! Thank you again for reading my little story. Be sure to read my other stories about Crellie, including my oneshot collection, "Motion Picture Soundtrack". It was a fun ride and I'm so glad that you all came along and joined me. Also, this is my favorite song of all time, a love song that is simply about loving someone, despite great flaws. Nothing better than that._ _Cheers!_


End file.
